I am really liking this story as well. It has kept my attention for the past hour or so. I really hope to get the next chapter soon.

Oh, by the way, if you like books like this one, I would recommend "Ella Mental and the Good Sense Guide" and "A Novel Idea".

hey. interesting story so far. i really like it. the characters are real and that fire incident would so be something i'd do. lol. i cant wait for more.

Yay! please please update soon!

this is one of the best storys i have ever read! and i encourage all readers to read this story they will love it! i liked this story a lot and i hop you will too.

Interesting...I am looking forward to reading more of your story. :)

Can't figure out what's gonna happen, though. Which is good I guess. Gives me something to read later, yeah?

Yeah.

;)

ooh i look forward to anyone noticing her piercing..im weird like that.

I like it!

There they go, smirking again. *Sigh* I guess I am just going to have to learn to live with it aren't I?

Teigan and Duke fight like an old married couple already, and it actually kinda reminds me of a relationship I had about two years ago. In a creepy, stalkery kind of a way...

Looking forward to the next chapter!

ooh...dance.

Interesting story here. I like the way you didn't say Delaney's name right out and there I was trying to guess what it was. I like that name! But somehow I don't connect that to Duke. Anyway, arrogant hot new guy? It's cliched but heck, I love cliches! Even though he's all proud and all, he seems to actually have a brain in that head of his. He pretty much shot down Duke's issue with friends in this chapter which was a little harsh, but he's kind of right, isn't he? The part about Ryan accentuated it all the more. It'll be cool to see how that one turns out.

One thing - try not to include Teigan (or Darren) in everything. He keeps popping up everywhere and even though I like him (who can resist a hot guy?), it's not really appropriate for him to always come up. It'll be good to incorporate other characters into this!

So yup, overall I like this! I wonder how the dinner will come out? Update soon :)

You certainly have a sarcastic little world built here. EVERYONE smirks or snickers ALL THE TIME! Have you ever thought of maybe using some different laughing words? Some that don't sound like a bad sitcom?

Wow, that was harsh... Sorry..

As for struggling at the end, never let your readers push you. Sometimes a little suspense is a good thing. it keeps them on their toes, and it gives you time to gather your thoughts. Trust me, it works. Just look at J.K. Rowling, or Robert Jordan, they go years between books, they just hold back and hold back until their crowd of readers is reduced to a salivating mob of hysterics, then they release their books and rake in millions of dollars in the first couple weeks. So write and your pace, and let the readers drool a little bit.

And something tells me that there is no way you are going to ever respond to these reviews, i've just been too plain rude. Oh well, cutthroat world and all that. If you get the time, would love to hear from you

Gosh you must be getting sick of me by now, but I can't help reading this story, as Ricky Ricardo said "Morbid curiosity makes me want to see more" so you're stuck with me for the duration of this intriguing story.

So far the only new criticism I have is that you seem to have this compulsive need to describe everything everyone is wearing, and where it comes from. Once in a while it is nice, but after a while it starts to seem like you are just filling space.

As for the way your two main characters are obviously starting to fall for each other, be careful that you don't fall into a cookie cutter kind of scene. Try to find some way to make your story stand out from all the others. Maybe make her begin to hate him again, something. I guess it really depends on how long you think this story will be. if it is going to be shorter, then you are headed in exactly the correct direction at just the right speed. But if you want something a little longer and more substantial you might wan t to throw a wrench in this budding relationship and make it more realistic. Nobody I have ever known has ever fallen for someone quite as quickly as this pair is doing. At least no one with meaningful relationships has.

Sorry for the kind of harsh review. I promise I only gave it because I am enjoying the story and I see so much potential! Keep your chin up!

Hello, me again. I had something else to add to my review, but as you well know, only one review per page.

First off i want to say well done on tackling a story from the first person, I find them to be infinitly hard to write, and I can never get the tone right, so congrats.

Second, I swear I am going to be ill after reading about all of that junk food. Honestly, my metabolism was NEVER that good! (Must be getting old)

Third, the baloons refrence was gold. And from someone who was once a high school teenage boy I can tell you the true reason balloons are the answer to everything.

BalloonsHelium. (hehehehehehe Helium...m)

Like before, I see tons of promise (though I do think it is fishy how both her brother and her best friend think along the same lines at about the same time... but hey, this is your story, not mine)

I enjoyed the way your main character communicates with the reader, and the family at home is just eccentric enough to be believable, I like that.

The one suggestion I have from reading this first chapter is not to rush things. I understand that the story has places to go and things to discover, but sometimes it is better to leave those discoveries for a little later, and to see where the development takes you. At least that usually works for me.

One other thing (I know I said that I only had one, guess what, I LIED!) be mindful of using similar descriptive words too close to each other. I'm not positive why, but it seems to interrupt the flow of any story, and make it a tad choppy. The same thing with similar phrases. When possible try and use different words that mean the same thing.

All in all I am enjoying the story, and I definately see promise, but hey, I'm no proffessional, so what does it matter right? (I'm kidding) Keep up the good work!

Does this happen to be the musical 'Bye Bye Birdie' by any chance? Lol, my school's having it at the moment so just curious. Great update and I hope you do it again soon!