Reviews for Breaking Perdition
elisefey chapter 1 . 10/23/2006
Interesting. This comes so close to being a truly successful story. I mean that it is engaging and the wording is lovely; it totally draws me in. But somehow it seems to stop just short of being a complete story. My impression is that it starts to unravel the moment Eubern asks Antoni if she is loyal to him. There is simply not enough information there to create a believable motivation for her to sacrifice herself in the end after she waited all that time for Witsik to return. The depth of her longing for Witsik was so beautifully and carefully built up that it feels like she too easily lets go of that thing she fought for by staying by the well for so long; and that lack of perceived motivation makes her final goodbye to Witsik (which should have been heart-wrenching) fall flat, and almost melodramatic instead of powerful. Perhaps if you made more of a connection between Anni's stubborness in the clearing and the wakening Abomination, so that it feels like she is truly sacrificing herself for something bigger and more important than her (rather than just because Eubern told her to, even though she didn't listen to him when he told her to return to the castle). I guess you just don't sold me at the end that Eubern has that much sway over her. There needs to be more to what Eubern asks of her than just her supposed loyalty to him. Anyway, this piece is good and has potential to be even better. I look forward to reading more of your work!