Reviews for THE ADVENTURE OF BREANN AND LAUREN and maybe Caleb
Eleyn chapter 2 . 11/11/2006
I like how you fixed up the first chapter. It's much better knowing that Lauren is writing a story. NOW would be the perfect time to write all kinds of crazy things happening, because you have the cover of Lauren's story. Breann is amusing, because she is so wonderfully predictable. All she needs to keep her going is dangling the proverbial carrot (Caleb) just beyond her nose. What will happen next?
Eleyn chapter 1 . 8/20/2006
This story is incoherent. I can't tell who's speaking, or what's going on, and not in a Hemmingway-esque way either. I think you need to work on coherence, character development, and plot. Why can the tree talk? Why do they live in trees? Why do they live in the woods at all? Where is the woods? It doesn't seem to make any sense. It seems like you had an interesting idea. If it were coherent, it might even be a good one. You just need a little more detail and structure.