Reviews for Mall of Broken Hearts
Jeanie26 chapter 1 . 8/10/2007
Wow. This story is really... wow. That's all I can say for now. Lol.

Songs In My Pocket
Frozen From Mist chapter 1 . 7/17/2007
Wow, now that was interesting. It's like nothing I have ever read before.

I like how you keep to Alex's personality although I kind of wonder why she would go to and feel safe with someone she remembers from three months ago than one of her friends or family members. I also think that it would be more convincing if you made Alex meaner to Jared when she drops her stuff because she seems to go from extreme anger and snapping at the store employee to calm and sorry for running into someone.

It might also seem a little more real if you added a couple lines in-between him say he will never leave and then him actually leaving.

Good detail and grammar. I can't wait to read more!

~Meghan from reviews_found
Voltaire chapter 1 . 6/13/2007
The only problems were how easily she accepted a stranger talking to her about herself (stalking really) and how there was onlt one jared felix online...

otherwise it was really good, ending especially.
C.F. Anne chapter 1 . 4/27/2007
Great, yet sad short story. (: It really makes you think. Once again, I must comment on the fact that I saw no typos and the great details that you've added. It was a real treat to read. (: Keep it up.

Oh, and I was also wondering how this story fared in the contest you mentioned.
its.Nothing.Special chapter 1 . 4/21/2007
Wow...that was very..wow.

The ending bit was powerful, no doubt. The middle seemed a bit...meh. It was a mix of improbability and well-written intrigue; it wasn't overly spectacular, but it was a good build-up-stage-setting-thinger for the conclusion.

It seemed a bit far-fetched that she would blow off an employee like that...I mean, not everyone is happy doing their job, and boredom can be easily picked up. I guess it was sort of necessary to show her past and her personality, but I think the beginning would be better if you found a way to get around that.

I liked the mysterious feel of this short...and I still have goosebumps because..yeah. Creatively creepy.

I liked how you went from ["Oh God." I whispered, staring up at the ceiling. "How do you do this to me?"]..to.. [God, how I hate what I do to myself.] It gave a nice sense of time and reality.

The repetition of "three months ago" made it seem like it would have greater importance somewhere in the story. I thought the "chill-factor" of the end could've been increased if Jared died three months ago..but yeah. Three months, three years-what's the difference? :P

Anyways, nice piece. Moving, unique, scary, painful, and angsty. Well done. :)

;)becky
Queen Anabella chapter 1 . 4/18/2007
I have mixed feelings about your story. The ending was powerful, of course, but the rest was a little lacking. My main complaint is that it wasn't very believable. However, the voice well executed.
blue.eyes.can.be.deceiving chapter 1 . 4/17/2007
this is truly wonderful!

I absolutely love it, but it's sad and a bit scary at the same time, which is awesome tht you can portray two very different feelings in one story, a one-shot at that.!

Ashlyn
jekodama chapter 1 . 4/17/2007
Liked it. A lot. It creeped the hell out of me, I can say that... Well, who wouldn't be freaked out if they find out a stalker is watching them? and that said stalker is a bloody ghost? And I really feel identified with the lead character, for what reason, I can't tell you. Kudos.
angels and effects chapter 1 . 4/17/2007
Oh, wow. You just totally blew me away with the ending. I was frowning over how forward Jared seemed (besides the fact that I have a character named Jared too), and it was a little creepy how he was... you know, watching her in the mall when she didn't even know. Then I was practically shouting 'NO!' at the screen when I read the sentence 'Never again was I going to set foot in that building' because I thought she would never see him again or something, then I read the Google thing and I was like... so damn shocked! But it added up well. I thought the shoppers were shooting her looks of disgust for making out in a public place, but I get it now. Whew, that must be freaky, I can't imagine seeing ghosts... you have a very good way of twisting everything to something people never expect. It takes a bit to shock me so good job on that!

I love the way you portray emotions in this too. Very poignant. It's like you've gone through the same thing she has, because it expresses something very real. I understand the feeling of losing someone you love, but to be driven to the point of near insanity... well, it isn't an easy thing to write. Of course, since you won a SKoW award before, I didn't expect anything less. :)

So yup, fantastic one-shot here! Did you win the contest? I wouldn't be surprised if you did!
consecotaleophobia chapter 1 . 1/23/2007
The emotion behind these words are indescribable. Truly heart-wrenching, and being a guy, I am not one to say that frequently.

Something was wrong with Jared the very second I read your descriptions. I just didn't expect that to happen. I expected a rapist, at the most. But not... that.

And he goes to Rutgers? I do too.
ohshittae chapter 1 . 1/12/2007
hey there!

(hekhek...lookie here! I put a greeting in here! last time...I only put "huwaw..."...hekhek...)

man, you are really one heck of a writer...(n_n)v

i mean...this one shot...it's just so filled with um..angst? hekhek...i liked the narator in here. she's quite a character. i liked the part where she read through other creatures (yes, creatures. XD) eyes...

hekhek...damn...i, again, find it amusing...

After reading this one shot, i know i won't be able to concentrate on doing what I have to do...Damn...it hit me square in the face...let's just say i can relate...but never mind...who cares, right?

hn, what's with you and green eyes anyways?
AikenisFein chapter 1 . 1/10/2007
I really like this.

nice job!
Rat chapter 1 . 10/29/2006
I love ur story so much! u so have to make a second chapter! x x

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D chapter 1 . 9/26/2006
hey that mall of broken dreams story was totally awesome...keep up the great writing
marikamaroca chapter 1 . 8/30/2006
this is terrible and beautiful and almost made me cry. its amasing
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