Had a sudden urge to track down this story again after 14 years. I’m positive you don’t lurk around here anymore but I hope you are happy and living life to the fullest. Your stories are memorable :)

I hope u are fine

Welcome to hell :)))

Oh cool, I just realised what you did there with the chapter names. That is really cool to be honest

I live this story so much. Oh God, honestly, my heart

man i have no idea if you even get emails from fp or think about this site anymore but i love this fic and go back to read it all the time... like? at least once a year haha. just wanna say thanks for it!

Please come back, hot kitty.
I am in love with the magic of your words..

F

Phew. I did it. Haven't slept all night. I'm probably just writing this for myself since it seems like you've abandoned this site, but still. Incredible story. I feel so lucky to have found a complete story since I was so confused for about two-thirds of it (and even after I finished, some questions still lingered) it would have killed me having to wait for each update.

Maybe some day you'll publish this. It needs some touch ups, closing a few loose ends but this story somehow kept me biting the nails that I had spent the last two weeks grooming.

I'm feeling raw on the inside right now, probably from lack of sleep, but also... this really isn't how I thought the story would turn out (not referring to the ending-it was good- I'm talking about the entire plot). It's really sad that the lovely friendship that you've painted was built on deep feelings of angst, revenge and lies. But I guess you've surprised me, I really thought it would be one of those obsessive-possessive dark themed relationships and have everyone pining over the heroine. Instead, this was a mature, deeply sad story. The characters were difficult to connect to since they really weren't the main thing in this story. There was no focus on their every-day lives or their personalities. Eventually all of them were corrupt in their own way, so it was impossible to like or even relate to either of them, but it still didn't take a thing away from this story, and of course I was rooting for Angela (even though, she was doomed from the start, since, everyone were scheming against her - hey! I'm just getting what Leon's brother said about it not being fair game).

Speaking of Leon's brother, or even Leon himself. You left it on the edge between Supernatural and just simple fiction. Since I didn't actually get if Leon was really "Satan" and his brother (sorry I forgot the name) was an angel or god himself of some sort. I suppose that was your intention, or I'm going to have to re-read it.

Anyway, writing a review for myself mostly. Amazing work, this story is going to haunt me.
Hope you're still writing.

Well

That was...fascinating. Very morbid and to be honest really confusing. I understand most of it by the end but I'm not sure if I still understand everything (why did he keep Angela alive, what was with her angel juxtaposition, what happened to carion what exactly is bones and seriously if it is what I thought it was how did so many kids keep mutilating animals without finding that weird, and why did Angela admit to killing Lynn when she didn't and really how many sins did she commit and the whole idiocy of thinking yore going to heaven after allowing the bones nonsense) . I guess i could reread it now with a clearer understanding but i find now that im not seeking answers im not too interested. Not sure what that says about the work except that i guess i didnt love the characters and although the plot was clearly well thought out and creative it was basically based off suspense. Like a horror movie. It's hard to go through a whole novel without answers especially such a confusing one. It definitely kept me up reading.

But on the short it was well written, you've clearly out a lot of work into it and I did love how the characters changed through the piece. It's a bravo piece and Ive never said this before but I think it'd translate to screen extremely well.

These kids need some serious therapy though. And it's...disconcerting how well you write sadism and mental health issues

As the story goes on, it's getting easier to tell who the Predator, Producer and Consumer are. At first I was iffy about wether there was a good plot or not(cuz' I didn't see a lot happening), buti think I'm seeing it now. Love square? Well, if it's cliche, than at least I haven't thought it to be yet. Really liken' it. And I'm in love with my grammar. It makes me feel so smart.

This is a pretty good story, and I like where the plot is going but some things are pretty hard to follow and need clarification. Also, from what I've noticed that you give a great deal to emotions but when it comes to your character's looks, there's nothing or next to it. What is their complexion like? What nationality are they? What color is their hair? What body type do they have? All of these things are important for the reader to better visualize them. I get vague if not any images of your characters at times. The same goes for rooms or buildings, which are described a little more but still lack a lot of detail. Like a house on the beach. Is the house big or small? What color is the house? Is it an old house or a newly developed one? All these things come into my head as I read and it's important to focus on the little details enough to paint that picture in the reader's head so that they can visualize it the same way that we do as readers.

Other than that, I have no critique as your writing is flawless and your pacing, characterization and storyline seem promising.

I was right in guessing who the producer, consumer and predator was... However, I am not sure who the lesser evil was... I could definitely see your writing change and improve and it was a punch in the stomach, one of those impacts that you don't get often after reading. The type of story where you don't expect a romantic butterflies and fluffy bunnies in the end. The hard impact that life is not always perfect. It was an amazing story and I feel as if I'm going to read your other stories.

...wait. So Cancer's plan all along was to kill Scythe and Rayth? Or was it to get her, too? Why did Scythe want to kill her?

Overall, I love this. All of this. You've had me mesmerized all week reading this.

I love dark, poetic fics like yours. Had to keep reading til the end, to have all my questions answered. I love how the ending explained everything but left this tiny cliff-hanger of what might happen next. The characters were complex, flawed and total psychos but still that's what makes this so brilliant. I'm also delighted that my guesses for who the Producer, the Predator and the Consumer were was right. There was always something about Rayth that was steadier. Now I'm not sure if I'm the heartless one but I lacked that rollercoaster of emotion I think I should feel. Perhaps you should flesh out Angela's emotions more because now it feels rather floaty. Like, I know she cried but I don't care about her. You did fantastic on the plot and conflict and tension-building though, which is why I still think you should definitely send this to a publisher; this is so worthy of a place in Waterstones ;)