Reviews for Elf School
duct-taped feathers chapter 4 . 5/18/2008
auh... it's nice to see the old charactors sometimes. I like the depiction of school.
Vexed and Tired chapter 1 . 12/11/2007
That's a nice story, with a very cute, innocent feel to it. Is elf-school like some prison camp or something? It sure sounds like it.

And what was with the whole 'story about the stars' anyway? It's a bit weird to mention if you don't include it. Was it meant to be an entire chapter or something, but you didn't like the way it fitted in with the story? I guess you could always write it in dialogue or something, if you feel up to it.

There's just one measly thing I spotted which you might want to fix in chapter three, last line, where it says "Still, Nerbane couldn’t make the word go away from it."

This doesn't really make a whole bunch of sense.

Did you mean "Still, Nerbane couldn't make one word which would make it go away" ie. sorry or something.

Or perhaps you meant something along the lines of "Still, the word 'liar' would not leave her head.".

Or perhaps you meant something completely diferent, only I'm too stupid to figure it out. Decide for yourself. It's not as if that one sentance really detracts from the whole story.

Again, lovely story. The last line in Chapter 2 had a great ending. Very dramatic.

I hope you find motivation to pick this up again. When you're not too busy having a life, of course. Good luck anyway!
Imaginary Rose chapter 3 . 12/27/2006
Hey!

Another interesting chapter. Perhaps you could describe the countryside and the characters a little more. I still don't know what Nahhan and Nerbane look like.

Once you get farther into this story, and they actually arrive at the school, could you PM me if you want to be in my community.

Please take my comments into consideration.

C. Shells
Imaginary Rose chapter 2 . 12/27/2006
Hello!

Once again I think you should have more action. Perhaps you could do a flashback of the race. It also left quite a few question that I hope will be answered soon.

Please take my comments into consideration.

C. Shells
Imaginary Rose chapter 1 . 12/27/2006
Hi!

This was a pretty good chapter. However I believe there should be more action in this chapter, considering one of the genre is action/adventure. Other than that it was, like I said, a pretty good chapter.

Please take my comments into consideration.

C. Shells
duct-taped feathers chapter 3 . 9/17/2006
good, as I said, your writing's improved, I antisipate further reading
duct-taped feathers chapter 2 . 9/17/2006
very intersting. My only suggestion is when you say right on que don't add the right after the gulp part onto the end. Movbing on to the next chapter.
duct-taped feathers chapter 1 . 9/17/2006
your writing has really improved as you got older I haven't read any of your writing for a while. I really like how you developing the story and the way your evolving the charactors we use to play. I'm going to go read the next chapter now.
dreamforever101 chapter 2 . 8/31/2006
this is good... please continue
Johnathen Braun chapter 1 . 8/23/2006
This is delightful. The only thing i'd like to see is more description so i can get a better picture. But nice job and good work!