Reviews for The Heart of a Dragon
TheQuietWriter chapter 15 . 4/23/2007
Well, I'm ready for part two. My biggest piece of advice to you is to shorten your paragraphs, especially in the dream sequences. When they're as long as you have them, my mind tends to wander and I get impatient. Then I start speed reading and that's never good.
TheQuietWriter chapter 9 . 4/23/2007
I'm enjoying your story so far. I just had one quick comment.

This piece: "Why can’t I play with the other children?”

“Because you’re just so cute that I want you all to myself!”

“Then why can’t I go outside?”

“Because I love you so much I don’t want other people to see you!”

Is extreamly similar to a dialouge in the manga/anime Fruits Basket. I just looked it up to verify. I don't know if you know the story or not, but I figured I would help you become aware of that if you ever wanted to publish this.
Fahr chapter 15 . 4/15/2007
Congrats on a wonderful 'first section'. I adore the twins' flashback and their separate loves of the sky and sea. It is a good way to show the differences between twins and that just because they look alike doesn't mean they /are/ alike. Having a twin myself, whom I am not close to, it was perfect in my eyes.

However, you still might want to reread your writing if you get the chance; there are still quite a few blatant grammar and spelling mistakes that really need to be fixed. The quickest way, and easiest in my opinion, is to print out the chapter and take a highlighter or colored pen and correct things as you read aloud. It helps a /lot/.


P.S. Rhodes is totally adorable. :3
Mecha019er chapter 14 . 3/7/2007
well i'm glad you were finally able to get back on track with this story. really i've been waiting for quite a while now
Fahr chapter 14 . 3/5/2007
...Ah, I'm so confused. :3 But it's still a good chapter... And an interesting twist with the whole 'hero bashing' part. Heh heh, it's always fun to see a hero shown in bad lighting.
Mecha019er chapter 13 . 2/16/2007
this is a great story, through there are some errors here and there but no big deal. please continue to write for i am very interested to find out what these dreams are about and how this whole thing turs out
Fahr chapter 13 . 1/25/2007
Sorry about the Saints, 'Trick...

Nyeh, but Rhodes is a neat character. By the way he calls Andrew 'Thomas' all the time almost seems to reek of something depressing...

Tobe and Toby? They've only had a short debut, but they're very fun characters already. :3
And Your Little Dog Too chapter 13 . 1/22/2007
Guess who found an error..."He looked down at Clarissa’s shaking form in the corner in the far corner of the room, then to the twins who appeared to agitated, then to Aly who was sitting back on her haunches turned to face him." Top question who is Clarissa is she Clarissa or Clarisse? you had both in there and I got confused but the basic idea was there. Anyway you need to like fix that sentence mostly in particular because is very messy and sloppy or whatever you wanna call it. Alright well update soon! The Pats did bad too I heard (that's all I heard about today). Ah well Football's not my thing so i'm not gonna beat myself about
And Your Little Dog Too chapter 12 . 1/12/2007
Aww you poor dear I hope you do well in Chem...I dropped out because I did so horribly. Haha i'm good like that. Oh and Leaving you for me is a song by Martin Kesici and Tarja Turunen. I started a story for it on And Your Little Dog Too and I also posted it on my old account but I think I might delete it because I have no time to work on it and I'm working on a story with my friend called Under One Banner. Its a fantasy thing and we're on the final part, part three out of three WE lol ok and Inkspell is amazing you will totally LOVE it and HATE it. Ok if you dont HATE the end with a living passion you are not a true fan. I won't spoiler it for you even though it is deeply tempting...I'll just tell you that its not the last story :). Haha happy me ok well update soon this chapter was good. Was that Ires' dream in the beginning? Or was it Aly or Andrew's.
Fahr chapter 12 . 1/9/2007
Chemistry... Is it really that bad? And I thought biology was terrible. -shudder- Ah yes, the Southern accent. Even after a month of stayin' around people with it, a person's bound to have it rubbed off on them.

In the dream:

'My question was quickly proved false after...'

That there should be 'proven'. But snazzy chapter, wot wot! (And I hope that test went well.)
Fahr chapter 11 . 12/28/2006
-pokes- Don't apologize! It just happened to be that I was reading that part of Fruits Basket at the time and thought it kinda amusing...

I know what 'cha mean about taking a break, though. Once you've gotten to the point that you're forcing yourself to sit and write, it's time to let the story lie until the JOY JOY JOY of writing brings you back again!

Sorry for the complete lack of review here (bananas and tea for a meal makes me hyperactive...). Ahem. The chapter was well written. Kudos!
And Your Little Dog Too chapter 11 . 12/11/2006
(this is noir fleurir i made a new name a few days ago) o i love this chappie! I can't guess the person though i feel a little slow at the mo. that rhymes. hehe did you ever read inkheart becaues it has the kinda fantasy similarity for some reason or i'm just reading it and its on my mind hehe, and you really need to look up leaving you for me by tarja turunen i dont think it really has any link to this story but it is amazing and i think you appreciate its amazingness.. good luck on your exams (i hate those things)
Nathan Ridge chapter 1 . 11/28/2006
there's really not all that much of a storyline here in the prologue but I say you should keep it bw\ecause it is humorous and introduces the characters and makes a good setting.
Kimar chapter 10 . 11/27/2006
Luck doesn't like these three, does it? Great chapter, can't wait to see more!
Noir Fleurir chapter 10 . 11/21/2006
omg i loved this chapter! Ires is a pain in the ass lol haha that last part was good though what she did in the shed was a little creepy
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