This story was interesting... There were times when it was sweeping me up and carrying me away, but other times awkward phrasing and forced dialogue nearly killed it. My number one suggestion to anyone who tries to write emotionally intense dialogue is to go back after you finish and read it out loud to yourself. Out loud. Not kinda-sorta out loud, but all the way. If you do that, you'll see where the awkward spots are.

A very moving story, if a little bit generic. I did like the characters, but they just didn't seem very unique to me; I doubt I'll remember them in the morning. They never really sunk in. It was the situation, and not the characters, that hit home. I feel like I've seen these characters before, if you know what I mean.

Thanks for your review of A Thank You earlier this month. I really appreciate it!

-twb

Aloha from the RG!

I want to first comment on the interchanging point of view. It provides some extra tension and additional perspective to the story that is met very well. I love how you used dialouge to segway into the next perspective. Some authors would not execute this technique very well, causing confusion within the audience, but you were able to unify the narrative and keep it connected while still providing an outside view.

I also want to comment on the story itself. This piece is driven by the heat of the moment or the climax. I really enjoyed the fact that you did not elaborate on the past too much which makes this piece nice and short. You were able to really show us readers what this relationship entails through a few sentences and then you let the plot take over.

Overall, I thought this was a nice and pleasant read.

Ezekiel Finch

OMG. these short stories of yours are ahhmazing. I love them. I dont think i have ever been so touched by a one-chapter story the whole time I have been on fictionpress, and it's happened in the same day, TWICE. haha. no but seriously the only thing I can tell you is this was pretty long, so maybe consider making it two chapters so it's not so much at one time.

AWESOME, fantastico.!

love it.

so much.

This was a nice short, the emotion within it was pretty nice. I like the part where she said: "You just said that you lied", back to him. I was a real female reaction.

Although, to be honest, considering I'm someone who is rather a realist, I would have probably talked to him about breaking up with me before hand. Otherwise that, I like her point of view, since it trully shows someone who has a sort of insecurity about themself. The guy...well, I have my oppositions about things from his perspective, but that's my opinion and that's that.

Anyways, I usually don't put this, because it rings fallicious, but great work! I trully think you did a well good job.

I was wondering though, in the Philippines if those are actual names? I mean I have a character named Analu/ Qwuan because he's part Hawaiian, so I understand unfamiliar names. Of course, that is aside from my nationality, but I'm just curious to know if they are Philippian.

wow intense drama in this short fic. i liked how u switched povs, it was a great way of getting into both their heads knowing what they were thinking and all.

I loved it!

Yeah, kick ass!

The names made me giggle, but I'm just childish like that. xD

& Yes, I am continuing my story, A very very very very very short chapter 3 is posted.

Thanks for being my only reviewer

wa...ang asteeg ni hannah!cool story..like the flow of the story..

Cool character names yeah..And the change of the "POV" so cool!

ha..haha..keep up d gud work!

Dang, I love these kind of stories :) I actually like this one better than the other one, because they got back together in the end. So sweet, so blissful, and yet so angsty all the same. Such drama! I hope you continue with these types of one-shots, as I love them. I will always be a faithful reviewer!

I liked the story, but I have to say the names made it difficult. In the future maybe you could put in a pronunciation guide if you're gonna have wierd names. Apart from that GREAT! :P

this is good... really good! i like your style of writing...

This is a very nice short. I like the meaning of the short, but for me, I'm just the type of person that usually talks out my problems instead of avoids them. I really liked this.

i love how you were able to incorporate Vent and Pluie's point-of-view in this piece. To be able to see both sides of the heartbreak was really nice and really enlightening. Some would say the ending is cliche, but with the way the story goes, I think I'd be mad if it didn't end that way. Great job!

i liked this, actually. the last part was pretty sweet. haha (: nice work!