|Reviews for compulsive liar|
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 10/4/2006
I love the transition between she and I... I also love the line I have to have hope... beautifully written like always
| Gilee7 chapter 1 . 9/15/2006
I love the first stanza, mainly because of the rhythm. I'm starting to have a real distaste for poetry that rhymes at the end of every line. I mean, there's nothing wrong with rhyming, but people seem to think that all poems are REQUIRED to rhyme. The kind of rhyming I like is the kind of rhyming you feature in the first stanza. You're not restricted by a rhyme scheme; you just rhyme whenever you want to. The first stanza also features some nice imagery.
[and pieces of you flutter away] I like this better without the "and."
For some reason I'm not a big fan of stanza two. I can't say why exactly; it just doesn't do anything for me.
[and you're so numb these days you need / things that make you realise you're alive and / not just a walking corpse with a face of a girl / with a name people call you by.] You really like these long, rambling lines that seem to have no end in sight. I'm always breathless when I read your poetry. I feel winded afterwards, as if I've just completed a marathon. Sometimes this type of rhythm works really well; sometimes it doesn't. I think the lack of grammar and fast-reading rhythm of "yellow dress" worked really well with with the emotions that were being portrayed. However, I don't think the long, rambling, pause-less lines work as well in this poem.
[redemption from your collectomanic days you] Collectomanic? Is that even a word?
[said but there are so many you're scared there willbe nothing left. / there will be nothing left.] I wasn't a big fan of the "they all come out" echo in the second stanza, but I overlooked it. However, I'm even less of a fan of this particular echo. The repetition feels unneeded and slightly elementary.
[she became to hard to see. / I've become to hard to see.] Should be "too" in both lines.
I'm not really a fan of this poem. It feels sloppy. I also feel a sense of detachment between you and the poem. Unlike the majority of your poetry, this piece doesn't feel auto-biographical. That in itself isn't a bad thing, but that auto-biographical feel makes your poetry sound very personal. We, the readers, can feel the pain, the heartbreak, and any other emotion you pour into your work. Your works pack an emotional wallop. This particular poem feels indifferent, like it doesn't mean what it's saying. I question its authenticity.
With that said, this poem still has a nice rhythm (most of the time, at least) and some cool poetic imagery.
I think you could've spent more time with this poem, though. You're capable of much, much better.
| no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 9/13/2006
One thing I like about this is the use of rhyme. It's subtle, so that's nice, and there's no specific rhyme scheme, it just comes in whenever it feels like it, which is also nice. I guess I wasn't as drawn to this piece as I have been to some of your others because the poem as a whole was largely abstract - there aren't a lot of visuals in this to make me see what's going on, and I understand that it's hard to use visuals in a poem like this, and respect that. It's a nice poem, just not one of my favorites of yours. But that's just personal preference. Keep writing! :)
| caralita chapter 1 . 9/11/2006
wow, for a rough draft this is really very good, the whole first stanza has a great rhythym and flows really well, i think i was just thrown off by the wordiness of the last stanza. every word is beautiful, really good job on this
| All Alone With Her Thoughts chapter 1 . 9/1/2006
Amazing. So painful and full of feeling. Thanks for reviewing my stuff!~Rowan~
| Chaos Apple chapter 1 . 8/31/2006
this is just so fucking strong and painful that it hurts...fantastic.
| dress her up in fairytales chapter 1 . 8/29/2006
for some reason, i imagine this as a song... whether you think that's good or not, i don't know but nonetheless, the piece is brilliant.
| Aquafied chapter 1 . 8/29/2006
it bleeds in your brainand on bedroom sheets-creative. yes. creative.
in the middle of the second to last stanza it became awfully blunt awfully fast.
but i cant critize right now
it was really amazing
| acccountkiller chapter 1 . 8/29/2006
Aw...this is so amazing! It's terrible vivid and really brings the girl to life. She reminds me so much of a friend of mine, and it's so hard trying to help her help herself because she's in too deep and it's exactly how you put it...I admire your writing skills and how they manage to create such a real person. Brilliant. Love, Mia
| hey maria chapter 1 . 8/29/2006
"and pieces of you flutter awayin all the boys you meet likesnowflakes in January"
I loved the idea of her losing bits of herself with each new boy, but 'like snowflakes in January' was a bit trite.
This poem has great images and flows well. I think there were a few things that were a little cliched (like the aforementioned snowflakes-in-January and "a walking corpse"), and I think the change in POV at the end didn't work very well, but for the most part, it was written with a strong, unique voice. Keep writing.
| by His blood chapter 1 . 8/29/2006
this is so fucking beautiful. it's powerful and it just hits so hard, holding nothing back. it's amazing. the raw desperation, just the way the words flow and fall over each other adds a sense of desperate stream of consciousness but it's coherent and makes sense and it's so beautiful. 'and pieces of you flutter away in all the boys you meet' - that is an absolutely fucking beautiful line. the power and feeling of it is incredible. 'you just keep telling them things about yourself cutting them away from your inside to hand them back out, till one day you knew you would be empty again.' - fucking powerful line. the imagery and feeling of it, i can feel it just as i read it and this is amazing. i love poems like this. 'addicted to things that make you hurt because it's one of the emotions easiest to feel' - fuck, i can relate to that. it's amazing, the way you express this so perfectly and make this so raw but still beautiful. 'and you're so numb these days you need things that make you realize you're alive and not just a walking corpse with a face of a girl' - that is just amazing. the imagery and power of some of these lines is just incredibly strong. the last stanza is just a collection of breathless desperation and it's beautiful, the way the words seem to run together and that's what makes this whole poem so amazing. 'i've become too hard to see' - a powerful ending. i love this poem.