|Reviews for Paper Piece|
| Kneecap chapter 1 . 7/11/2008
So you haven't talked to me in a while. And I'm not even going to pretend that I reviewed you simply to review. I ALWAYS have alterior motives. So yeah. REJECT ME WHY DON'T YOU!
I read through this...then looked at the reviews. Gawd, some people were rather bitchy/patronising. I'm sure you love it when they do that :D.
My own thoughts? Well...the first paragraph. WAS IMMENSE. MY EYES EXPLODED JUST LOOKING AT THE LENGTH OF IT. It's so huge. SO HUGE. But really, aside from a couple of tense changes, I found nothing wrong with it.
I loved the "moss green" part about his eyes, and I LOVE how your characters are always so real, ALWAYS. Though it worries me sometimes how they all seem to live really depressing lives. Gee. Your settings are always incredible, and well-described but...why are they always so gloomy? Go eat some candy! Be happy!
And I thought the last line was an excellent twist, I really don't see what's wrong with it.
But that's just me.
I feel like reading an entire story of yours now. But I've got to deal with some other reviews right now. So yeah. Maybe soon.
Until you decide that I am worthy of conversation again...bye?
| Lira-chan chapter 1 . 12/19/2006
This is an odd little piece. I like it, but I can't quite pinpoint what I like about it. It also seems muted, almost. Hmmn. I wonder what the little piece of paper says. You've left me curious. ;;
| failte200 chapter 1 . 11/28/2006
Walls don't have ankles. "almost where one's ankles would be".
"aching to rain" - damn... you're good at assonance... those 3 words alone... That'd be a good title...
more verb tense-mixing: "He hung it up for the rain to come, drop in through the cracks in the old cieling and slide down the pale green wall where the chalk has blown up in ugly circles and the paint is falling off."
hung - past (and ceiling mis-spelled)
chalk has - not sure (I'm not really an english major)
paint is - present
how 'bout "chalk had" and "paint was"?
Hazel hair? Hazel has green in it, y'know...
AND since any day was good enough to die ON, it was also...
It must be hard having English as a second language and trying to write (I'm assuming). Dunno what to tell ya about that. Hopefully you'll develope an ear for it.
As to the theme? Nice twist. Still wanna know what the note is all about, tho...
| lovely ruins chapter 1 . 9/21/2006
oh, wow, this was good. some parts were really beautifully fleshed-out. i love your writing style... so subtle and poetic. a few lines also felt kinda familiar- not plagiarized or anything, but simply written under the influence of another author. do you by any chance read neil gaiman?
i have a few problems with this piece, though. spelling errors such as "cieling" instead of "ceiling" dampen the effect of the story, especially for spelling fanatics like me :D and the last paragraph was way too startling and sudden, like you just pulled it out of nowhere, and it didn't suit the piece at all. my suggestion: just get rid of that last paragraph, ending at "he decided he would live forever."
aside from all that, you are an exceptionally talented writer. thank you for this. it was amazing.
| Timeless Deity chapter 1 . 9/12/2006
...Ok, I won't ask...
Still, I kinda like it Haunting, lonely, depressing, morbid...just my kind of thing! No, really, good work
| gavidal-mustang chapter 1 . 9/8/2006
This was really good...I enjoyed it...
| Aikida chapter 1 . 9/2/2006
Erm...Okay, the description was... interesting, but confusing. I had no idea what I was reading honestly. And then the modeling agency thing at the end was a good 'wtf' factor. (?)
I think it was a really nice idea, but you were tired or something and just wanted to pop it out real quick. hmm...