|Reviews for The Land of Broken Spears|
| The Wordsmith chapter 3 . 11/6/2006
Am I right in thinking that your first language is not English? If not, I'm terribly sorry. There were a few places in here where the prose got a little rocky. "They all touched their chests and head three times as if a ritual ran off yelling." is one such place. Is there supposed to be an And in between ritual and ran off? There's a few others in here, but I'm not going to go into great detail. Going with my previous comment about drawing your chapters out longer, you could put in here when he goes to fetch the other warriors about how there are more white men in the corridors of the palace of the dead gods, and how he has to avoid them. This story has so much promise!
| The Wordsmith chapter 2 . 11/6/2006
Normally when a person simply says, "Nice. Review my work please." I don't respond, but I was looking for a break and i decided to be nice today. Just thought you ought to know.
I really like the premise of this story, but it seems so simple here. Perhaps making your chapters longer would help with that. Also, Tenochtitlan was a very vivid and alive place as the capital of the Aztec Empire- try to establish that more with what is happening in the city, in the market place, in the streets. I really, really liked what the old man had to say in that prophecy: it sounded authentic. Was it? Anyway, I'm looking forward to updates on what happens to Acatl.
| Soul Of Music chapter 4 . 11/1/2006
Dude this is awesome! the fourth chapter's a bit graphic but still awesome!
| Turtlesurfthewaves chapter 3 . 10/17/2006
hey buddy! I told ya I would review again and just as I promised, I did :) he/he we'll, am... he/he anywho. It's alot better then the first two chap.s but u're stubbing on the same prob. U NED descriptions. I d/k, maybe u could look at mine and get an idea of what I am talking about. I know I need descriptions too, and I am working on it, but we'll... it's a lil. more den what u got. Dat sounds vey rude and I am srry, but like u said, constructive crictism. We'll, dis is da best I got. He/He chill babe, chill... he/he Post another one and I'l read. Thanks and God bless!
| Formerly chapter 2 . 9/21/2006
I've always liked that poem, but it sounds better in Spanish.
| Catherine Julia Jefferson chapter 2 . 9/10/2006
I like it. Add more!
| Bentfender chapter 2 . 9/7/2006
Hmm. The formatting is kind of nutty. If you could fix that it would be fabulous, if only to make it a little nice looking. Anyways, the ideas are nice. Your sentences are a little confusing though. Try varying your sentence structure, but don't make too much of an effort to do that or it will be a struggle to read and it will feel forced. Just let it flow.
| Turtlesurfthewaves chapter 2 . 9/5/2006
um... It was sort of confusing and grammer and punct. marks that were needed or misplaced, didn't help. Ecellect title, but not so great of a story. You have good ideas, but I am getting the impression that you can't express them very well. Stop trying to please the reader! Write for fun and then it'll be easier for you to work with what you have. Be imaginative and try expanding on your ideas by giving some extreme detail. Other than that, good job and contuine to work on this piece. I'll reveiew it again later :)
| Arrows chapter 1 . 9/3/2006
Hmm... I'm confused. Is this piece supposed to have been written in poetic lines, or is that just the auto formatting of your word processor at work? Either way, I'm pleased to see someone writing about the Aztecs.