|Reviews for Happily Never After …& Other Tales|
| Princess Wanderer chapter 1 . 6/5/2013
I like it
| Avant-garde and Dream Realms chapter 1 . 6/23/2009
Things to fix:
About halfway down, when the prince discards his dagger: "He voice was soft." 'He' should be 'her'. "The tower was colored shifting hues of orange as the evening slowly approached, and she yawned accordingly." There should be a comma between 'colored' and 'shifting'.
Two thirds of the way down: " “It hit above the window! Oh, you’re the most wonderful man I’ve ever met!” He beamed." I think you could add something in to remind readers that the prince is the only man Rapunzel has ever seen. Just something quick and blunt to be funny, or even him realizing that he was the only man she'd ever seen which would make him stop smiling. " “I have an offer for you! I have the arm and the aim to give you food from you garden, and I will in return for your silence and your permission for me to court your ward!” " Should be 'food from your garden'.
When the prince and Rapunzel are riding to see his father: " Yes. Hecuba…had her reasons.” " A quote is missing at the very beginning of the sentence.
When the prince is talking to his father about marrying Rapunzel: "The resident Ladies in Waiting, having no queen or princess around to pamper as royal females had a habit of dropping down dead in Vitriol’s presence, had all but jumped the poor waif when he brought her through the palace gates." You could do several things with this but I think the best would be to place a comma between 'females' and 'had', then change "had all but...palace gates" into its own sentence and add 'They' to the beginning.
I think it's interesting how you rarely use said, cried, asked, etc. I'm so used to reading and writing stories where nearly every spoken section is followed or led by one of those, but reading your story without seeing much of it seems to make the words flow better. Like there's less clutter, I suppose would be the best way to put it.
I think the entire ending section was very funny, as well. It ties everything together nicely. The prince using the same words Rapunzel used makes it even more amusing.
| MikiSweety chapter 1 . 6/12/2009
No, it is certainly not the worse thing I've ever read.
It is in fact, quite creative, and really funny. I seek out fairy tales retelling on purpose, but this has to be one of the best I've read in quite awhile. It also makes a lot more sense to me than the original Rapunzel tale.
I saw some typos and some writing hiccups. I would recommend you not bold and tilt and underline like that to get your point across. I can't help but think the transitions would work a lot better on paper. lol.
I wouldn't have imagined it was your first attempt at humor. I look forward to more.
| devoe chapter 1 . 2/19/2009
OMG. I can't breath XD
| RinkyDinkyDoo chapter 1 . 10/31/2008
Lol. Normally I don't go for stories like this. But this one was great.
| MrFlames chapter 1 . 1/4/2007
Dear Mercenary Childe,
The mailer-bot just finally sent me your "apology". I'm glad that you were interested enough in my piece to write such a bombastic review in the first place. As it is, I have absolutely no idea when you're being serious and when you're not. I honestly can't tell whether you think I was criticizing Christians or Pagans in my piece, but either way, my heart is filled with joy.
As for the piece I'mm reviewing (Happily Never...) it seemed like you overused dashes as a replacement for transitions. Also, I urge adding more images and description. Your first two paragraphs are a bit too roundabout. Cut to the chase and stay there, eh?
If you would like to explore the implications of Harry Potter as a character, or discuss any other topic, I urge you to visit me at my forum, The Land of Flames.
| Bee-wytching chapter 1 . 9/13/2006
Hehe it's fantastic! Nicely done, definitely not overdone like a lot of stories written like this. Wonderful idea, keep it up!
| Terri M chapter 1 . 9/4/2006
I think you accomplished humor well! It was a nice twist on a classic fairy tale. Though I must admit, I found the trasition a little confusing in a few spots.
I'll be on the lookout for updates!
| Michelle Habibi chapter 1 . 9/3/2006
wow! that was really funny! maybe a litle more detail and it'd be perfect but its still very good. definitely one of my favourite.