Reviews for Translucent
SerialXLain chapter 4 . 11/26/2008
Finally reading this... I reread the whole thing and I'm glad I did, because it reminded me of how much I love it. Even though you have a nice handful of characters that are living under one roof, you do a great job with distinquishing them by making them each unique.

I think this chapter is a lot more clear than the previous ones. I'm not sure if it's just because I'm used to your characters now and I've got who's who sorted out, or if it's a change in your style.

But either way, I really love this and I'm glad that you updated. :)
lyramer chapter 4 . 8/30/2008
“If you don’t hand it in today, she’ll wring your neck. She always says that you’re one of her best students for that, and that if we don’t meet that potential, you’ll kick our ass in the real world.”

It's the random girl talking about the teacher, right? Isn't the teacher a he? Maybe I missed something, I'm sorta tired too.

All in all, I like the idea. I kind of want to suggest to Forrest to submit the smashed painting anyway - destruction can be a form of art as well. Good turn with the sleep-walking idea, it was unexpected, and intelligent.

The only critique I really have is that you haven't finished it all - I think with the entire story or whatever it is, group of stories complete it would be really good. I also found the art teacher believable - you were consistent with his personality anc character. Not that any of the other characters are inconsistent, that one was just notable.
SerialXLain chapter 3 . 12/21/2006
Ha. I like Indivar's nickname. :D

Wow. I really liked that last line. Strong ending to the chapter.

Part of me likes Rory and then another part of me hates him. Hmm.

I'm not tired of you. Don't worry. I'll still be stalking you even if it takes you a year to update. :nods:

...what's in this sketchbook, eh? xD

I really liked Caelen. I wanted to hug him...

xo

I said "like" four times in this review.
Aredhoniel chapter 3 . 11/29/2006
Ooh, it keeps on getting better and better.

I like how this chapter (3) you ended with a cliff hanger. But not an annoying one. I hate those. It just piques the curiousity.

I like the colours. I'm trying to keep the characters straight though, I think it'll get better as it develops. Or it's just completely me and I'm a tard. XDD
Collar de Espinas chapter 2 . 10/1/2006
I don't know why I never reviewed this; I can't remember if I got an Author Alert for it either. I remember when you sent it to me though, a long while ago.

Everything I said then still stands true now; it definitely wasn't too early to show us Rory.

I am reading this, Jack, and I love you too. Always. And don't you ever forget that.

x
SerialXLain chapter 2 . 9/28/2006
:/ Things haven't been great with you? Well, I hope they get better. :/

So. I wanted to ask you a favory kind of thing about this story, but I'll wait till we're both on AIM sometime or something even though I never IM you because I always feel like I'll be bothering you, but maybe I might actually do it this time.

Ha.

So. I liked this chapter a lot. It was nice getting into his very twisted mind o_o Goodness gracious. Pssht.

I also like how you have the chapter titles. I just noticed how you're doing it. Pretty neat stuff. :P

xo
Collar de Espinas chapter 1 . 9/4/2006
Right, I guess I should leave a proper review for this. Let's see what I can do...

First off, I really like the way you've written these characters. Even though this chapter was seen through Avalbane's POV, you still got a very clear sense of Indivar and Rory's very distinct personalities and what different characters they all are.

I loved the descriptions of Fala. He seems so dark and suitably other-worldly. I'm very curious to know more about his role as Avalbane's 'guardian' and definitely more about Avalbane's illness.

Yes, this was confusing- especially the ending- but we expect that of your work now. *lol* However, as usual, this was very well written and such an enticing piece of work. I really do hope that we get an update for this one soon!

Love you, Jack. xx
bR0k3N chapter 1 . 9/2/2006
i actually liked this! heehee!
SerialXLain chapter 1 . 9/2/2006
I love C&C! Especially their music from the Keeping Secrets of...a Silent Earth CD Just had to say that...and Saosin... yep... good

Ew so this book my aunt has for her criminal justice class had this picture of a guy who killed himself by stabbing himself in the stomach. It was pretty nasty but yeah...O.o moving on...

I like Fala. Lots. He reminds me a bit of Cloud from FF but I don't know why. AOJASDJ! MY NOSE ITCHES

I can't wait to read more of this. I really love it so far...even though it is confusing... But I've been confused worse by you before so I suppose I'll let it slide this time.

love oxox