Reviews for Brash
Tawny Owl chapter 1 . 6/23/2008
Liked the different perspective from the rooftops. It made it more interesting becasue we were looking at the action from an outsiders perspective.

Got a bit confusing when thinks switched to Kade's pov though. Nothing a page break or something wouldn't fix though.

The idea of teh darkness was a good one, and the details- like the fact it corroded buildings made it more belivable.

This was funny, and I liked your characters and the way they reacted to things. Thanks for a good read.
Enesis Zero chapter 2 . 4/30/2007
good job! I can picture myself following along with the path of this story. Keep up the good work.

There are a few typos in there, but nothing big.

Update as soon as possible *holds up sword* or else . . . :D
Rozovian G chapter 2 . 3/29/2007
I hope you're a relatively fast updater, now that I've gotten the teste for this story. Overall, it's good. Some flawed lingo here and there (now instead or know and such), and the slightly bothersome accent writing of the bigger Seeker, that was the only technical flaws I found. Storywise, it works because I knew it was a humour fic. The amounts of dialogue and talkative enemies take away some of the suspense, but instead make it a little more comical, which is good for a humour story.

The world you've made is cool. I had some trouble placing the story, reading the word "car". It turned out okay anyway, once I got past that. I still haven't quite grasped what level of technology and culture development the story is set at, but the scene in the forest didn't require any knowledge of it, and besides, if you're going for a more ambiguous setting, it's cool. I'm guilty of confusing my readers with one of those. At least one of those. Also, I like the names Kade and Brash, they're casual yet not too Earthy. I also like the constrast between the Obsidian forest (which is a great name, btw), and the city world with its regal palace.

So, it's a story I'll be following, I have a feeling it'll be well worth it. Remind me if I don't check back.
Luicia and the voices chapter 2 . 3/7/2007
Oo whoes the new voice...? WHO IS HE DAMMIT! I love the seekers...there just so frikkin funny! XD XD XD! and i also love that accent! lol. please update soon or i will rip mr. snuffalufagus apart! MUAHAHHA! (hands you another sammich) continue please!

Luicia and the voices chapter 1 . 3/7/2007
UWUH! GO BRASH! WO! lol...he's funny! Got me smilling all the way through...and nearly falling outta my chair at some

ecwix chapter 1 . 3/2/2007
“I thought I had another half hour before anyone would find out I had run away.” she muttered,

Change period to comma.


...forest and hope they loose my scent." she analyzed the situation...

loose should be lose, and the period should be a comma. Or, you can capitalize the "She". This sort of thing happens a few more times throughout the text.




“I was just…joking”

“My name is Kade, by the way”

Should have some sort of punctuation at the end of the quotes.

There may be a few more like this, but I just grabbed the ones I saw.


And in your author's note:

(their will be longer chapters but not to start off with)

Their - There?

A very... err.. interesting and yet odd beginning. I tried to point out some of the most blatant errors, but I doubt I got them all. Good luck with future writings :).
NE0N.lights chapter 1 . 11/12/2006
Please update this! I really really really like it. [:
twilight-x chapter 1 . 9/10/2006
Oh my goodness. I love this Brash guy, he is hilarious ! xD Story's pretty interesting so far, I'm looking forward to seeing what happens. I really praise your description too; it's my personal weakness. Keep writing ! )
darknight16 chapter 1 . 9/4/2006
a strange start to a story, but somewhat catchy. I like the very different way you started this, i hope you keep that originality up for the rest of the story.
Delandred chapter 1 . 9/4/2006
I found it interesting, it was very descriptive and i kept reading till the end. There was one thing i thought you could change though. In the second paragraph you seem to say ground an awful lot, it gets a bit repepetive. Other than that i thought it was great, i will definately kepp reading.
Fahr chapter 1 . 9/4/2006
Heh, the frozen lake reference was... when someone is talking and you then tell us who is saying it (she said, he asked, etc.), you don't capitalize the pronoun or whatever the first word out of quotes is. For example:

'...wrong?” The voice asked...''...YOU IDIOT!” She yelled...'

'The' and 'She' don't need to be capitalized.

And it would be nice to know what sort of time era this takes place in. Most fantasy stories are medieval or modern, but you mention cars at one point, so it's be nice to know how far advanced these people are.

Coupled with being interesting and promise of being humorous (...envy)and /then/ the evil cliffhanger... Nyeh, I'll be watching this.