Reviews for Transition 2
Halcyon Impulsion chapter 1 . 12/16/2008
Oh this is nice. I really like the word watermelon and it doesn't get used near enough! Good work.
ygg chapter 1 . 9/11/2006
How refreshing such few words can be.. Brilliant as ever!
Aquafied chapter 1 . 9/8/2006
one more

what a downer

i shouldnt review on five hours of sleep.
MallowsWins chapter 1 . 9/6/2006
I like that you relate seasons with fruit, and the last line really wraps up both said season and this haiku. For one reason or another I got a touch of sadness from this. Wonderful haiku.

no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 9/6/2006
I like the specificity of the day Septenber 4, and the watermelon mention. But I think this one could be better. Using "the" at the end of your first line takes away from the creativity of your poem. Ooh, I just thought of a much better way to phrase this. Let me know what you think.

September fourth: Awatermelon season final picnic.

Eh, that wasn't as great as I thought it was going to be now that I've written it. Seems a little more haikuish for some reason, though. Keep writing! :)
Elenive chapter 1 . 9/6/2006
Watermelon! I have a friend who hates it. I can't understand that...

Anyway, it's good, but I don't think it's as powerful as some of your other ones. It's good, but you've written better.