I love your story, i don't know if my brain will be able to handle a rewrite, but hope it brings new folk to like it

My god. This story is amazing. I love it. To hear that it's being changed is a heartache... I hope the original doesnt get removed. D: But... I shall trust in you that it will be amazing-er :) though i don't know how you'll manage it ;) theres not much that can top this! Anyways. Good luck. I will be reading along. :)

Hi,

Just wanted to pop in to say how wonderful this is. You're a talented writer and this is by far one of the best works I've ever read on the internet. Admittedly I was feeling a little iffy at first because I didn't much like Dusk's personality (odd since I have a master/slave kink, but I guess I usually like a more rebellious slave), but lately he's grown on me and I loveloveLOVE Noon/Midnight. You're brilliant at characterization and writing believable relationships.

The worldbuilding is beautiful, too. I could go on and on and on about it, but what I love must is how you don't infodump. I mentor young writers and look at a ton of stories on this site and I have frankly gotten sick and tired of stories that just vomit out every detail of the world in some "prologue" or the first chapter. It's amazing to read a story like yours, which only gives details when they're necessary and basically acts like the reader should already be familiar with the world. It's a great way to ease the reader into the world to the point where it feels /real./ And it's a brilliant world you've created as well; love the split between day and night and the mix of technological with fantastic elements (I'm so tired of generic medieval fantasy!). Oh dear lord could I go on and on.

That being said, even as close to perfect as this story is, there are a few things that bother me a little-

Your descriptions are beautiful and effective, but get a little excessive after a while. It almost veers into purple prose territory at times. Sometimes if you describe too much you inundate the reader with too many details and it just doesn't make sense anymore, y'know? The constant descriptions of jewels and precious metals grate on me a little, but that's understadnable since the heroes are all royalty.

"Fire." To be honest this is probably the one thing that's bothering me the most about this story. How often you use fire imagery, mostly in conjuction with magic. It's cool at first but you use it so often it becomes meaningless. I have the same problem too (not just of using the same sort of phrasing to describe a certain phenomenom, but also of describing magic as fire!), so I tend to pick up on this very easily.

Mehh, I didn't find the turn-around of the Noctisians from total homophobes to accepting realistic and convincing at all. Given how well you have been portraying society and politics (dear lord, Lord Serin!), it was extremely jarring. It would be more realistic as a tentative acceptance, with the citizens more fully turning around (but not entirely) when Noon and Midnight help with the rescue and cleanup of the city.

Yeah, I know you finished this story a long time ago, but I'd still like to leave behind my own two cents or so because really, it's brilliant. I'm still not too far in it (72 chapters? Now that's commitment!), but definitely I'll read this to the end. Wonderful job.

This'll be the first review I've left on fictionpress (shameful...er...I know). Just wanted to say that you have the most imaginative and creative mind I've come across on this site. (In my opinion anyway...haha) Wow. Seriously. You write really, really amazingly, but I'm sure you get that a lot.

Awesome. :D

Your story is probably one of the best works I've ever read on this website and just read in general. You are a wonderful creative author and I've enjoyed reading your story so much.

My god. This story is better than I rememeber! I'm up to the point where they are all leaving to go to Noctis... lol.

So excited to read the next part! In the year I was away from fanfics, this was the story that brought me back. I came back to fictionpress specifically for this story. It's that amazing. I love this story, I could reread it again and again and never stop...

B

I think this story is amazing... I have another account, Bloodfeeder, and I think I read this story about a year ago. It's absolutely nuts, and awesome. I am now going to reread it again because its that good... However it may take me awhile :)

B

:O What the crap just happened?

That was realy, realy, realy good. Thanks very much for creating the story. I loved the end bit, especialy the bit that was about their falts! I never knew Sun was allergic to jelly fish!

It had some great suspention and lots of twists and turns. Dawn is ADORABLE! Hehe. I also liked Midnights Character. I liked them all realy XP.

... The only fault i can give is in the middle of the story i started getting a little bored. It was before the real war started. I also think the sorting out of Dawn and the 'witch' was a little quick. But otherwise it was brilliant! I wouldnt have read all 72 chapters other wise!

So I'm to chapter nine, and I like this story so far. Your descriptions are some of the best I've seen. You have such a talent for imagery!

Dusk annoys me a little bit, with his crying. I'll give him more time and we will see. Noon also annoyed me when he had acted all hyper around his brother. I really liked him in the beggining, and I had taken him for more of the serious type. I'm not sure if I had gotten the wrong impression or what exactly.

I'm eager to read more about Midnight. So far he's my favorite right now. The scene with him holding Dusk away from Dawn was what had really made me like him as a character. It was also what made me realize Dawn could be a serious ass.

I'm going to read more, so expect to see a few more reviews from me.

aw. i feel sad for lumen. D: NOCTURNE STILL LOVES HIM. D: !

ok. i couldn't help but laugh when noon said "...and you refused him." lol the way it sounded to me it was kinda funny. and three thousand nine hundred and thirty-four piercings. wow. i bet that hurt.

Wow. All I can say is wow. That story is so amazing. You are a true artist with words.

This has got to be one of the best stories I've read on FP - have you ever thought about getting it published? I think with just a bit of polishing it easily could be. Thanks for such a wonderful story!

dawn is really starting to piss me off... he better start to treat dusk with better respect; also, i just what to get some smexy action X3 [oh me and my mind]