|Reviews for The Living Dead|
| Defenseless Warrior chapter 1 . 3/27/2009
-glances slowly from side to side-
Not bad. I must say, they have much better writers on FP than on FFN. I like your writing.
| JokersKurse chapter 1 . 8/15/2008
This is pretty good, i want more, more i say!
| Zenerai chapter 1 . 10/16/2007
You're chapter was very great and I'd love to see some more. Other than some sentence structure things, not really problems but a shifting to make them smooth better, you write very well and I'd like to see how you handle combat and character interaction in the times ahead.
| Child-of-Eru chapter 1 . 12/6/2006
This was an interesting beginning. I would definitely come back if you updated. I really like your descriptions, and I love long sentences- most of your sentences flow very nicely. Your writing style overall is excellent. The main character is intriguing and I really enjoyed his backstory. He seems a little too powerful- does he have any flaws or weaknesses? Also, I would suggest rearranging your sentences into paragraphs. Separating a sentence or two from a paragraph and letting it stand on its own every once in a while is good, edgy, catches attention- but the entire story doesn't seem to go as smoothly as it would if it were in larger paragraphs.
I caught a couple typos:
'The old sinner than had killed...' 'than' should be 'that' I think.
'peaking over the mountain' should be 'peeking...'
well, this is probably just nit-picky, but using 'you' in a third person narrative doesn't sound too professional-
'for a second you could see a vividly detailed dragon' and
'...temporarily once you reached about a month.' You might want to say, 'for a second a vividly detailed dragon, small but distinguishable, was visible on the side of his neck,' or something like that, and just substitute 'one' for 'you' in the second sentence.
Overall, nicely done- I'd like to read more.
| Heatless Flame chapter 1 . 11/28/2006
Woot! I have finally reviewed one of your stories! Cool. Now for the actual story.
Kinda creepy, this guy is. I'm expecting we'll get a deeper look into his personality in another chapter, but from his memories alone we can get a feel for him. Sad death, isn't it? Oh well. The demon abilities are cool, and I'm glad that you pointed out the wings in a different paragraph because it was almost an info-dump.
The one thing I want to say is that a lot of the paragraphs begin with the subject or "he". Try to throw in an adjective to mix it up.
Aside from that, excellent job. Great characters, believeable reason for him being so powerful, among other things. Nice job!
| Shadow Whirlwind chapter 1 . 11/11/2006
Loved the plot line so far, and the way you described everything. This is a great story! _
| Mynoris chapter 1 . 9/19/2006
I really like the idea of where this is going, though you might want to merge a few of the paragraphs together; having so many small ones is a bit jarring.
Also, I got a little lost with the paragraph: "So time for him had traveled back 16 years in hell, though the human child still lived on, though only for another 16 years. This time the child would not be saved by demon or angel, he would just vanish and the demon version of him would replace him, though technically he would vanish forever."
Was he in two places at once?Otherwise, I'm rather curious where this is going and I'd like to see more.
| Angel Neko-Jin chapter 1 . 9/18/2006
HEYY! See, I told you I'd read one of your stories! :P (Oh, and you can email me with the address I left if you like).
WOW, you are such a good writer. Really! It's so beautifull the way the describe everything and tie it all together. I really like the idea too, I totally got this 'fantasy' feeling, it was just so awesome. Hehe! As you can tell I absolutely loved it!
You actually really inspire me! Everything seemed so perfect if I'm honest... which is a good thing! And yes! Weird is good! Being weird is fun. *nods* Yeah, I'm weird.
Anyways, because I don't have the alerty thing I'll just have to keep checking here to see if you have updated or not or you could tell me in a mail! I don't mind either way!
Anyways it was awesome Update Soon! (I love dragons. :P)