|Reviews for Chinwan!|
| NakeDEyeSheriFf chapter 2 . 12/23/2007
haha... i love aero that little...
I'm really sorry if all i can say are about the wierd parts. but i guess saying how this chapter is so nice and funny is rather pointless coz the other viewers already told you that. :D
Let's get to constructive criticism. _ if you don't mind...
First odd thing i noticed is that HAHAHA EVEN AN OLD MAN WHO LIVES IN AN OLD COTTAGE IN THE MIDDLE OF A FOREST HAS UNDERWEAR DRAWER HAHAHA. _
Second, i don't mind that their eating beef stew coz old Gama could've bought the beef from a nearby town but... Cooking beef is very hard, you have to boil it for hours before you could eat it. I think with old Gama always going out to the forest from dawn to dusk, he has no time for cooking. But then again, he could leave the beef to boil while he goes to the forest. However, wouldn't that be irresponsible for an old timer? leaving his house while something is cooking in the stove or fireplace? _
| NakeDEyeSheriFf chapter 1 . 12/23/2007
_ nice. I'll be reviewing Chinwan per chapter. In this chapter, i liked the pace of the story. and also i noticed how manga-like your story is, like i could really picture the events in my mind. However there are few things i found wierd...
First, if i'm not mistaken, Gama quickly concluded that someone not something, fell from above the trees. Judging by the crash, i think one would assume that it is something not alive; probably something hard and heavy... But then again, that's just me and maybe old Gama is just that good at recognizing foreign sounds in his forest.
Second, Gama wasn't even scared or worried that a child indeed fell from a great hieght. Pretty hard hearted for an old man. But then again haha, maybe he's just used to seeing wierd stuffs or he is excited at the fact that something extraordinary happened before his very eyes.
Anyways. all these doesn't changed the fact that i liked it. And these things usually happens in manga so i don't mind. :D
| Michael T.D chapter 7 . 11/1/2006
Personally, it's always fun to sit back and wait and see who "He", "She", or "It" will be. Hope this master has a few nifty tricks under his sleeve because that would probably mean a lot of action between him/her and Chinwan. Nice chapter, I'll read more later.
| Michael T.D chapter 6 . 10/29/2006
Chinwan's very first fight scene was nicely done. I can't tell you how much I laughed when Ace revealed his hair, ridiculous. The action itself was also great, I mean your pace really kept me on edge, waiting to see what Chinwan was going to do next. However, seeing how you asked for some advice, I'm going to try my best to provide as much as I can. First off, I definitely believe that action needs to be short and concise in order to be more exciting. On that same note though, it doesn't mean that you have to automatically remove descriptive writing in order to sustain that quick pace. I myself tend to place my really strong descriptions in between sporadic bursts of action. For example, I'll present two or three attacks, then explain it's effect with vivid detail. That way, the reader gets excited by the action, as well as captivated by your decriptions of that action. In the end though, it's all about your style, so try something new, and if you personally don't like it, try something else. Honestly though, you're action is already great.
| Michael T.D chapter 4 . 10/26/2006
Short, too short, but it's good because now that their journey has started, action will inevitably ensue. I'm also expecting to see Gama play a very important role later on, but then again, I'm usually wrong.
| Michael T.D chapter 3 . 10/26/2006
Now that was funny. You've really got the whole character interaction thing down tight. When I was reading it, I found most of the dialogue to be very realistic, chaotic but realistic. Chinwan as an amnesiac is also a great leading character, he gives you so many things to play with so I'll look forward to that. Thanks for reminding me about this story, I actually forgot about it because I was all into Immortal Saga. I've got some questions but I have a sneaking suspicion that the next few chapters will have them answered.
| Charming Dice chapter 6 . 10/11/2006
A good fight scene here. It was cool.
Advice for fight scenes? Well, it always helps to eliminate unnecessary words. If a word isn't needed to describe the characters, the settings, or the action, then try to remove it. Here's an example from your chap:
'This was, of course, directed at Chinwan, only now the boy was charging at him headfirst, screaming at the top of his lungs.'
You could try writing it as:
'It was directed at Chinwan, who screamed loudly, charging at him headfirst.'
I changed the 'at the top of his lungs' part because it took more words than it needed to. Our styles are different, so that may not work for you. Your choice, I guess. The more words you have, the slower the pace is. A slower pace is good sometimes depending on the genre, but it usually keeps the readers from feeling excited about action.
I'd suggest you try to describe things in as few words as possible, while still giving the reader a strong mental image. Unnecessary words only slow things down, making reading a chore. Fortunately, you story has a nice pace to it. So its cool.
Oh yeah, I found a typo. "You enjoy maiming defenceless animals, huh?" I think you meant "defenseless."
So it was a good chapter. I liked it.
I'll catch you next time.
| Erich Sturmburg chapter 9 . 10/6/2006
Hey there, Outlaw-2 here,
Yay, first to review Chapter 9! XD Onto the review! It's a little short though, but it covers the bases of an upcoming chaos, :P. And the cliffhanger... Really making me wait eagerly, eh? I'll be waiting for the next instalment. :P
| Charming Dice chapter 5 . 10/5/2006
Nice action here. Less comedy, but thats understandable. Ace seems like a nice first villan. Keep up the good writing.
| Charming Dice chapter 4 . 10/5/2006
Well, this was cool. As funny as always. Not much more to say, really.
| Happy Pappy chapter 9 . 10/5/2006
Nice little chapter that furthers the plot and adds in a new 'main' character. While I'm not particularly fond of Ace and never desired him to become part of the main cast, I think he'll be an interesting new input.
And yes, I was hoping for Gama to come back... sigh, well I can still hope, right?
| Erich Sturmburg chapter 8 . 10/4/2006
Hey there, Outlaw-2 here,
Well, this chapter really feels like an omake (Or is it? O.o;) Anyway, it's good to let the pressure go in this way once in a while, so...yeah, keep it up on the next chapter. You're guaranteed that I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
| Michael T.D chapter 1 . 10/3/2006
It was pretty funny, and all in all just down right entertaining. Keep up the great work.
| Darket chapter 7 . 10/3/2006
Nice chap. I have not much else to say actually, but it's good. I hate short leaving short reviews... eh...
| Darket chapter 6 . 10/2/2006
glad to see how that one went. Still shaping up, and it's great so far! I'll be sure to check out the rest later. At the moment I need to get typin...