Reviews for Forrester's Fool Proof Guide To Teenage Rebellion
xtotallyatpeacex chapter 4 . 5/12/2007
Uh oh.

I finished my thingy before, but now I've decided I don't really like it and so now you have to read it before I post it otherwise I'll post it anyway and it'll be really crap and everyone will hate it and I'll cry.

Okay, not really. The crying part anyway lol. But I can't think of a better title or summary. They're pretty shit. well, here's the summary:

'Really, I was forced into what now seems like a form of prostitution. Looking back, I shouldn’t have agreed to it – there was always going to be that one undecipherable jerk. Of course, some people just don’t quit while they’re ahead.'

See? SEE? IT'S TERRIBLE! Wow. I really feel like a whiny brat right now. Any moment now I'm going to burst into tears and start sobbing in between, "I'm so ashamed of who I am!"

Unfortunately, I think my tear ducts shrivelled up years ago.

But back to my problem. I'm not sure about some of the details, or the title. But because I am so unoriginal and uncreative, I can't think of anything better. I am the world's worst title-er. Except for Peekaboo's videos. I think The Horror Years sums that up pretty well. Lol.

Wow. I just had a brainwave. I could put some of it in HERE so then you HAVE to read it because you're already reading this so why not read the rest? Otherwise you'll have to skim through six and a half pages, 5143 words of NOTHING.

Hang on. Let me see if I can find something that pretty much sums up the rest of it... And I don't know why i just typed that... Or that... Or that... (Wow this could go on forever and I still wouldn't get bored. Like those 3D hallucinating things. You know, where you tilt them and a different picture shows up? I could do them al day. It's really, really sad.)

Here we go. This is the last five hundred of so words of the chapter. thingy. majig.

“Did you see the sign on the door for the guessing game?” I ask in what I think is a conversational tone. I barely give him time to nod before I explain hurriedly, “We’re trying to raise funds for a bill the government’s sent us, even though technically their workers did the damage. Um, I was volunteered to help ‘save the ice creamery’,” I roll my eyes, “and so now I have to guess people’s favourite flavour of ice cream based on their personalities. I’ve never been wrong yet,” I add, in case he thinks I’m a faker with no talent at all.

In spite of my babbling, he still hasn’t been scared off. Instead, he digs a few coins out of his front pocket and asks, “How much?”

“Three fifty,” I answer, ready to add it to his bill. He hands it over wordlessly and stands impassively while I scrutinise him.

He’s a bit harder than some other people I’ve faced (aka Rhiannon) but nothing I can’t handle. Within the minute I announce confidently, “It’s English toffee.”

Dreadlock Guy’s expression doesn’t change as he says, “No, actually. It’s not.” He takes out the money for the sorbet – and the guessing game – and places it on the counter, picking up his order with the other hand. He’s halfway out of the door when he turns around and asks, “What’s yours?”

I’m still in shock from my failure; everyone has to be egoistical about something, and the fact that I have – had – a perfect record was like my bragging right. I would go so far as to say that it’s almost like the world as I know it has come crashing down around me and that my self-confidence has fallen down in tatters with it. Nevertheless, I manage to utter, “Rainbow swirl.”

The corners of Dreadlock Guy’s mouth curve up in a half-smile, the most emotion I’ve seen him show in the last five minutes. “Rainbow swirl,” he repeats, and nods. Then he turns back around and leaves, without showing the slightest indication of having said anything at all.

I turn my gaze absently to the form in front of me and realise that there, on the ‘Yalla Ice Creamery Membership Application Card (10% Discount)’, what is presumably his mother’s name is written in neat block letters. Underneath though, is a local address – a house that I know has only been sold in the last week, as it’s a few doors down from my own.

“Well,” I say quietly, still slightly stunned, “welcome to Yalladandah, Mr Corbett.”

Okay, so that doesn't REALLY sum it up. But whatever, it's really late... Okay, fine. It's only quarter past ten on a saturday night and I'm already tired. Go ahead. LAUGH ALL YOU WANT. I know you want to... (Was it just me or was that really kind of creepy?)

Oh yeah, the so-far title is 'The Yalla Ice Creamery'. Go figure. Lol. Hang on. You probably won't even read this tomorrow because it's mother's day and normally people do something then expcept for us cause we're just weird like that and then I won't be able to resist the urge to post it just to see how many people flame it and... wait. Do you even have mothers day? Hang on. Say there IS an international mother's day, wouldn't that mean that yours is technically a day after ours? Hm. Wow, I'm having a really deep one-sided conversation with myself over here.

Anyway. I'll just be going now... to talk to myself some more...
oh. im signed in. fancy that chapter 3 . 5/10/2007
I love sadistic characters. I want one. But the one I have now isn't. It's just weird, and already I don't like it. I know. I'll send you a part of it and you can tell me honestly if it's shit or not. But unless you say it's shit I won't believe you. So really, there'd be no point in sending it to you and there was no point in typing all that.

I'm THINKING of evil names, okay? One shot names don't count. Besides, the whole AIM was for her to be a cutesy little girl. You can't be a cutesy little girl with a name like Blayde or Valyn. (No joke, I saw a REAL kid named Blayde in the birth notices the other day. The other scary one was named Kalina - for a BOY.)

Wait... what was it you said about my memory? I forgot. LOL I am so lame. Yeah it's not that great... still, you don't have to POINT OUT my shortcomings. God, now I feel like a failure as a human being! I think I'll just go sharpen a butcher knife! That'd make you happy, wouldn't it? WOULDN'T IT?

Ahem.

You hate some random named Ana because... she's russian? Whoa. That's kinda harsh. Although I don't like their accents, I have to admit.

I'm sorry, but to me anthropologist just seems to me like an archeologist, or one of those people that fish bugs out of dead bodies. I keep forgetting what it really is because my mind is overcome with pictures of caterpillars being taken out from a decaying body with tweezers. So... what is it REALLY?

Wow. I still have half a year of school left. Which, by the way, I figured out that if you lived in 'Koala Land', you would almost have finished school by now. Well, you'd have half a year left, but whatever. WE ARE SO MUCH SMARTER. Lol. That's why one day, we're gonna talk over the world... but we're going to do it the politically correct way. "So sorry, Mr Bush, do you mind if I use these nukes to blow up alaska? No? Why thank you!"

Nyah. The cliffie was scary. And then I found out it was only a rattlesnake. I have a weird desire to touch the rattle right now. It's a lot like having a chocolate craving, except I can't just go down to my fridge and pet the rattlesnake. Well, I can't go down to my fridge and get chocolate, either, since we don't have any.

Aw. I never have any cool discussions like a turtle having a stroke. The best we can do is being open-to-the-point-of, "Wow. I have a wedgie." And then an explanation of the correct technique when unwedgifying yourself. (No, that wasn't me, but I WAS the one that had to listen to it.) Or how would be the butch lesbian if any of us ever turned lesbian. Hmm. Now I'm thinking I should move schools to find some interesting friends. But no, I can't do that, because the only schools I don't have weird/awkward people-from-the-past at are freak schools. Or a sport school. But there's as much chance of me going there as running three laps around an oval. Okay, idea over.

I don't want to be bad with you. I have a chicken for that. LOL. But it's a little feral and now everyone's saying it's a rooster, and that will be bad because it'll grow up gender confused because it has a feminine name and it will have no sense of identity. My poor, poor chicken. Actually the whole chicken thing is weird, because my class is full of big macho scary rebel guys and then they get these chickens and they're all, "Aw, Little Marie, what's wrong honey? Why won't you go play with the other chickies?" No joke. SOMEONE ACTUALLY SAID THAT. And then I was there pissing myself laughing at them all. Haha.

I'm getting a baby on monday, so you need to help me think of a name for it. I'm going to try going on the train with it just to see how many people make rude comments about teenage parenting.

Anyways, I'll be off now. Toodles!

(Toodles. Hahahahahahaha.)
xtotallyatpeacex chapter 1 . 5/9/2007
YOU. ARE. CRAZY.

By the way, I'm giving you the cold shoulder because you said that you said that you plugged me on your profile AND that you'd add me on favs, but guess what?

YOU DIDN'T/HAVEN'T.

So there.

Where was the word conflict in that? GASP! You're hallucinating. Still, I think there's real potential in that. Our next song can be called I'm Too Sexy For My Gold and the lyrics can be, "I'm Too Sexy For My Gold, I'm Too Sexy for my Gold..." And then the interval thingy can be "Coz I fucked mother nature" and that's it. It'll sell MILLIONS of records.

Er... who the hell is leigh/lee? Wow. I think someone took their happy pills before they wrote that last message... *cough*rhandi*cough*

Yeah, I had to name her Katie because you honestly think of another little girl name? I couldn't. I don't even like the name Katie but it fit for a four year old. I meann, I look back now and go, what kind of four year old is called kirralee? it just doesn't fit.

Valyn? That should be a boy's name. But yes, I am so proud of you right now for making that up just you can be a masochist and make your characters suffer the humiliation of having a weird name just because you have underlying issues from your own childhood. Really, I should be a psychologist. And then every day I can sit behind a big desk that I probably won't be able to see over and be all, "Right. But how do you FEEL about that?"

*snicker* America is the gun-toting red neck land. Where all the old people sit out the front in their rocking chairs polishing their rifles with their flannel shirts and keeping out the sun with their cowboy hats.

Also, I feel that it's my duty to point out that you are quite possibly a psychopath as you seem to have no moral conscience when it comes to forcibly removing people's limbs with the use of explosives. You also seem to have a particular vendetta against Ana Khanevskaya, whoever the hell that is.

Wait... why did the goat have TWO babies? That's it. Seeing as you seem to have fifty million goats to name, I want one named in my honour. But not a weird creepy one that goes around sniffing other goats butts, because that'd just be weird.

Er... There's something wrong with that sentence. WHERE IS THE T? HE FEELS LEFT OUT! You're such a snob. I can't believe you discriminated against the T just because he has long arms on his head. HE'S SENSITIVE, okay?

Wait. If you come here, and I go to America, how would we be harrassing each other? I mean we'd still be on opposite sides of the world. Just different sides.

Well, maybe you should have studied. I have exams coming up in like... four weeks. But right now I'm really mad because they abolished exams for the year under me, even though when I was in that year I had to do them. Not to mention they're making the course easier for them, or something stupid like that.

Wait, is your school year almost over ALREADY? That is so unfair man.

Okay, I could get all stubborn and competitive and try and write a longer review, but I really, really, really need to go to the toilet. Not that you needed to know that, but at least it's a plausible excuse. Not that it's really an excuse, because I REALLY do have to go to the toilet...

Right. Shutting up now. I told everyone that my IQ lowers twenty points as soon as i step in the same room as my jap teacher, but no one believed me... *sob*
xtotallyatpeacex chapter 2 . 5/8/2007
OH MY GAWD, I CAN REVIEW THIS ONE TOO! (That was three whole exclamation marks, in case you didn't get that.)

Er... the bushwhacker story (wow. now I won't be able to think of it as anything else other than that). Yeah... I got 60 words into the first chapter and decided I didn't really like it anymore, although I don't want to go back and read it because what usually happens is I go back and read it, think, "oh, that's not that bad," finish it off and post it, even though it sucks. And also I'm lazy, I can't be bothered finishing it off. Maybe later...

But right now, I'm being REALLY good (you're like my muse or something. Or like the stern teacher that hovers over with a whip and a scary expression saying, "If you don't do something RIGHT NOW...") and working on something, except I've gotten smart and I'm not telling you because then you'll remember and the next time you ask about it I'll have decided I don't like it and moved on to something else.

And no, I think it was some random bombing because the girl was called Katie, which isn't really a Japanese name and I'm not a Japanese freak, because I'm not into manga and all that crap and give my characters weird names like Hanogakigufutabere. Or something like that, anyway.

Illyland... Ireland... Sillyland... Scotland... And I only just thought of that then...

I'll use the firecrackers later, okay? When I actually figure out HOW he's going to blow her up. I mean, he could always do a Sid from Toy Story and strap her onto the rocket, but that would have to be a fucking big rocket.

Thank god for Jones. Nah. Naughty Jones. Bad boy! I should send your goat a card. "Congratulations! It's a boy!" With a cute little goat on the front. But your goat will eat my chicken that I got in Ag on thursday. I named it Saffron, but everyone thinks it's a boy because it has a big tail feather and it flies around everywhere. It's a feral little thing.

Shake your tail feather, shake your tail feather... Yeah, can't remember the rest of that song...

Wait. DID YOU GET HELD UP! And at 7-11, too? What a weird place to rob. If I was gonna rob somewhere, I'd rob the World Bank. I mean, all you're gonna get from 7-11 is maybe a free slurpee and a chocolate bar. And some petrol. But who's really gonna rob petrol? Actually, with the price petrol is now, I think I heard about someone doing that the other day...

Anyway. I'll get back to my science homework. That'll be fun. Nods head.
xtotallyatpeacex chapter 10 . 5/7/2007
Wow. That was weird. It let me review, while I was SIGNED IN. OH MY GAWD!

Yeah. Anyway. Seeing as how I just cater to your every desire, I've finally written something and posted it JUST so you can review it with pointless messages like I'm doing. (Harassing people is way fun.)

But yeah. I just wrote it and posted it before I lost my nerve, and right now you should be on the ground thanking me, because you've been on my back to post something for AGES and even though it's really shit and NO ONE's going to get it, at least it's reviewable. Haha, I just invented a word. Oh yeah. It all turned out a-okay in the end, because I didn't get raped/bashed/mugged, with my body being dumped carelessly behind a dumpster. I'M STILL ALIVE.

Anyway, this is me, SIGNING OUT. More later.

(That was all said in a really sly voice, like a spy. Or at least it was in my head, and trust me, in my head, it sounded good. It just doesn't translate onto paper... er... websites...)
ariel chapter 1 . 4/24/2007
pretty much one of the funniest things i've read in a long time
Freeky Angel chapter 12 . 4/9/2007
this realy very funny. i'm definitely gonna try out the rebeillion guide. i wanna see if it works. anyway UPDATE please!
Freeky Angel chapter 2 . 4/9/2007
this is super strange-i have trouble pronoucing the word Hogdot, it just comes out as hotdog. anyway. this is a totally bizarre story but i like it.
nothingyouneedtoknow chapter 4 . 4/6/2007
This is ridiculously hilarious.
haliad chapter 12 . 4/6/2007
Quirky and offbeat, but funny! Adelaide is a pretty name, and I love the character, she's so imaginative and funny. I wasn't clear with what kind of disabilities she has though, can you tell me?

All of the player's names are weird! Are those just nicknames that they go by, or did their parents really name them Catch and Pitch and Tracker?

Update soon.
I Just Realised chapter 1 . 4/5/2007
We need to put it on our profiles! In big, bold letters. So that everyone can see... And add it to our favourites. And lumberjack jim. With this plan, we can't go wrong...

Also, you're going to get a lot of reviews if I just keep reviewing with about two sentences of nothing important. It'll seem like I'm a stalker. Cool. I want a stalker now.

Maybe Peekaboo will stalk me.
MuAhAhAhA. GuEsS wHo chapter 12 . 4/5/2007
Lol I'm so funny. Not. Nice plugging the bathtub here. And, people - because they're so silly - are actually going to review this non-chapter, like me, and so you're going to get lots of reviews!

...Well, until you delete this little note. But hey, it'll be good while it lasts, right?

...I just came back to check (sh don't tell my mum that I'm not doing chores... hehe... chores...) and we still only have one hit. Which is yours. But hey, it's better than nothing. I mean, it'd be pretty sad if even WE didn't want to look at our work.

By the way. You spelt realize wrong. It E. Hahaha. WE have the correct spelling. Not all you silly americans. "Ya'll wan' a corn dawg?" (That's my american accent. Pretty cool, no?)

I hate corn dogs. They're icky. :(
Trmpetplaya1 chapter 11 . 3/26/2007
lalala...i like your story...lalal a...
chic rebel chapter 11 . 3/25/2007
yeah! an update! i can't wait until the actual chapter comes out cause i absolutely adore your characters. :D update soon!
Trmpetplaya1 chapter 2 . 3/25/2007
Oh my word, you have me rolling. With laughter. Because I can't think of any other reason to roll. Although I'm sure they exist.

Love it, gonna read more, okay bye.

XD
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