Okay, I am so sorry if this is submitted twice- the computer is being irrational.

Well done. The stilted rythm works really well and there's some nice imagery here.

favorite lines "thrusting up vertigo." "dry-cycled, cloud-stricken air," and the very beginning and very end.

This is very nice.

bt(i)jstndytwrtbck

your language is so intricate. i love it.

theres something so lush and unraveling about this.

This is beautiful. I think that you've captured something in these words that shouldn't even be there. The way you twist phrases into little epithets: "knee-locked", "dark-rippled", "memory-flayed", "star-holes", "bell-dome" (that one is past amazing), "dry-cycled", "spine-ridged" is incredible. It's like you intentionally reversed a lot in this poem, and it IS awkward and that is the beauty of it. No matter how choppy it is, it flows. No matter how stilted, as you call it, it is, it's profound. I think this is one of your best poems, because it's something I have never, ever seen anyone else do so well. From a perfect beginning "if only there was something harder than wretched,worse than desperate" that nearly made me cry and still has me thinking weeks after I first read this to the end thick with emotion and breaking into pieces. I love that ending. It works so well for this piece, because you can actually feel the words start to lessen and you can feel the writer fall apart because there's no way to express the feelings and wow. Just wow.

wah... this has real depth. and the words... reading it gives me the chills. awesome work

keep writing

i love the way you used the stutter to emphasize on certain words. it had a very powerful emotional effect. nice work.

The description in this was truly amazing. I loved the line, "The bell-dome sky". Really pretty. :) Thanks so much for your review and keep up the awesome work.

-Sarah

oh my god, i love you(r poetry).

i love the way it sounds stilted - it adds effect & power & meaning to an already fucking gorgeous poem. god, the imagery, the way the words just fall over each other so beautifully, it's amazing. oh my god, this is just gorgeous. this is perfection.

and i am left speechless.

I didn't think it sounded awkward, I really liked it. And I have to ask, because I'm thick, is the message in the enclosed lines? Don't ridicule me too much for that question.

Beautiful. Just, too much for my simple words (and cold medicine ridden mind); it was amazing and powerful and I don't think I'll forget it.

~* Noelle

-smiles- i'm so glad you updated. i missed reading your stuff. this is beautiful... i reallyreally like it. i'm nots ure what to say, im stupid so i prolly didnt get the meaning, but this is a fave. incredible.

one of the most intresting pieces i've seen in a long time. i love secret messages particularly. such fantastic word choice and images. wonderful work.

i love secret messages. the 'stuttering' works well. "spinning (t-t-to write) grey & falling into itself like a grained collection of paused smiles,passing in & out of focus." lovely imagery.

i love this. I love the description and wonderful imaginary, especially in the second stanza. if i have room, this is flying straight onto my faves. Nice work.~Bex xx

I like how you've made it sound intentionally stilted.. It's really effective.I especially love the final stanza.. It's so beautiful, yet so terrible & tragic.