Reviews for Child of the Elements
Mutt Winchester chapter 2 . 12/10/2006
Again Awesome poem can't wait for another one. Again Please update War of Veer.

Your Friend,

Salima Master of Darkness
Mutt Winchester chapter 1 . 12/10/2006
Nnaliseaai, sorry it take me a long time to review. But here it is. Awesome peom. Can't wait for you to update War of Veer.

Your Friend,

Salima Master of Darkness
Not Afraid of Bruises chapter 2 . 11/8/2006
a few grammar and spelling (a new vs. anew -it really depends on your writing style and the spellcheck on your computer) errors, look out for those.

"She was born a new from the ashes of the fire of hell and the darkness that crawled up from the deepest recesses of it" -very awkward try to rephrase

"The twilight blue that the eyes so used to be were now blazing with new acquired knowledge and wisdom but withheld no mercy for what they rest upon. The cynical smile a lit her strongholds face." again, awkward phrasing.

very promising as a story, but I can't see it as a poem. Most novels have a poetic element to the writing, and that looks more like what you are trying to do here thana fantasy poem.

still, and awesome, creative job. keep on working, and good luck.
Not Afraid of Bruises chapter 1 . 11/8/2006
watch your commas, there should only be commas or periods where you want the reader to pause or take a breath.

This sounds a lot like the beginning to Lord of the Rings...

for the over all poem in terms of fantasy, I think you need a bit more description and emotion. Poetry is like feelings on paper, you need to feel it, and with fantasy, you also need to see it, not just read it.

Could use some work, but as a avid fantasy reader and fangirl, I have to say that if I remove the boring, must-correct-everything-I-don't-like type of personality, I love this piece, and am looking forward to reading the next chapter.
mobman chapter 1 . 9/29/2006
very well written with some great descriptions, i liked this, keep it up...

P.S- The work was titled "The Problem with America", i love this country, i was just adressing some things we needed to get done to make it perfect. The things i see wrong with this beautiful country that stand out o me, maybe not to you. Catch some of my other works, see that they are mostly very pessimistic, thats just how i see things. Im sorry if I offended you, that is not what i meant to do. Writing is an expression, Im completely justified in doing what I did.

Mob