i like it!

update son

x

Well, that sucks for Nathan. I hope that everything works out for Charlotte and the party and she can get her homework done.

One critique I do have for this story is that it moves too slowly. Not much has happened and very few of the plot twists are being developed. Otherwise, it is well written.

This is a very good story, though I doubt a (12-year-old) girl would ever be entrusted with the care of a 5-year-old for more than a day. Are there any relatives or close family friends anywhere? Even if the mother is only sick, it sounds as though she's been sick for a while and it's about time to call child services. However, it is well written, even if the plot is moving very slowly. I see the part with the father being killed moving, but not so much with Charlotte. Update soon.

Ms. Becca di Beppo Esq.: Sounds intriguing. I'll be keeping up with this one. Does the novel deal predominantly with her father's death? Oh well, I suppose I'll have to wait until the next chappie ... I'm presuming he was murdered, but I can't be sure. a few grammatical and/or structural mistakes: "fed she and her brother" should be "fed her brother and herself;" there should be an apostrophe between the "t" and "s" in "hearts;" repetition of word "theaters" in the same sentence; repetition of the phrase "three months prior" in the same sentence. Will be looking forward to reading the next chapter! *sh ... I'm supposed to be working on my AdGeom homework ...*Adieu, Kat :)