|Reviews for Vagabond Exorcist|
| Bleu Ciel chapter 4 . 3/20/2008
Not much action on this, but then again I wasn't expecting one since it's time for explanin' the plot. I'm still confused as to how old Drake and Echo are, which you'll hopefully explain by next chapter.
Or I'll bother you forever until you tell me XD
| Bleu Ciel chapter 3 . 3/20/2008
I wanted to read some more. Excuse my impulsiveness -_-
Okay, first thing - bald head AND flannel? I really can't imagine what he looks like, and no one similar really comes to mind... except Al Borland from "Home Improvement" but let's forget I said that XD
Crazy funny and awesome chapter, even though the whole standing-above-looking-down Raven's evil thing goin' on is a little cliche. Anyway, looking forward to reading the next one!
| Bleu Ciel chapter 2 . 3/20/2008
I got shot in the head with a suprise twist. And the feeling's pretty addicting.
Okay, "Lucifer" may just be nickname for all I know, but if we ARE talking about the Prince of Darkness, the Fallen Angel, the devil HIMSELF... I think I'd crap my pants knowing I was attached to him and he felt pretty chummy 0_0;
Once again, good chapter! Your action sequences are pretty good too, and your idea for this chapter's demon was pretty cool too (though I thought Rislen was the name of a town that had the demon)
| Bleu Ciel chapter 1 . 3/20/2008
Wow, that was pretty good. I thought that warning at the start of the story was unecessary at first, but now that I read through and realize that there's a voice in his head - a demon, I take it - most likely the one giving him almost unlimited strength and yet unable to use its full potential, I realize the warning with the quote-no-quote is actually really necessary. Good job! I'll read the next chapter right now XD
| artificial destiny chapter 4 . 3/5/2008
haha i gave up with the critique cuz its just so good!
substantial character you built with bocor, i'd say even more so than drake or echo
btw im jst wondering, but if bocor knows, cant echo jst read his mind?
| artificial destiny chapter 3 . 3/5/2008
this ones great
only a couple of things
"Because it was the first time I’d ever seen one…stupid, huh?"
when i saw the ... i thought it was a continuation of the previous thought. (i thought it meant something like... it was the first time i'd ever seen one so stupid)
“You kidding? Nah, I was an orphan," seems abit inconsistent to her scared/ashamed previous description
and i like the fact that you added raven in at the end. it makes some sort of plot.
i like lucifer!
| artificial destiny chapter 2 . 3/5/2008
Drake thrust out his two wrist-blades, digging them into the sandy brickwork
ouch my ears.. *cringes
i wonder, why couldnt he just have taken the elevator up 12 flights and then went up another by running?
“No more jests!”
jest no more? idk jest is a kind of formal/not very common word, and it sounds kind of strange like that.
ugh. ew nasty. graphic.
We know your secret. HAH. very cliched. but followed up nicely
NICE. LUCIFER. thats pretty cool
okay great chapter
| artificial destiny chapter 1 . 3/5/2008
hi! sorry this took so long!
okay. lets see. im going to really really nitpick, though im sure you know how well i think of your writings :D
in the begining, theres great imagery and its a great way to start off (catches immediately) but i dont feel that the long sen
tences helped the overall flow
this is awkward- all three illuminated from above and below by lamp and moonlight. i read it over, trying to understand it. its powerful, but so definitely include it, just try some other way of phrasing it?
"that(those?) which he didn’t land upon"(not sure..)
"with what wasn’t now numb on fire with excruciating pain"
"For five minutes he did nothing but breathe and laugh, cold, refreshing drops splashing against his gentle features, happy to be alive, glad to be no longer in such torment." (awkward)
"it’s time with the girl before it even touches here"(her?)
( GREAT DESCRIPTION. AND IT ISNT OVERDONE AT ALL. )
hmm i thought he was old, since you described him as bald..
HOLY crap. that musta hurt (being dragged through the door)
you have REALLY good descriptions and a REALLY good idea of whats going on. and its conveyed to the reader. how do you think of these things? :D
sorry for being mean!
| Twilight Starr chapter 4 . 2/17/2008
If I was Echo I would be scared. I wondered what kind of story Bocor is going to tell. Nice work.
| Twilight Starr chapter 3 . 2/17/2008
I think Echo is going to turn out to be a very intriguing character. Great job!
| Twilight Starr chapter 2 . 2/17/2008
You have a very interesting and good action story going here. Nice work. I'll finish it eventually . . . hopefully. Have a nice day.
| Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 2/15/2008
First off, I am so sorry about taking so long to return reviews. Migraines have been killing me. Interesting plot. Great job with the details. It painted a very vivid picture-amazing skill to have. Nice work.
| soccer diva chapter 4 . 12/18/2007
Hm. You seem to be a very...interesting...person. And random. But that's not the point. You're story is awesome! Not the kind of stuff I normally get caught reading on this site, but I'm always open to new things. There are a few grammatical errors, just like misspellings, 'his' instead of 'hers', that kind of thing. If you actually want me to list everything I saw in the chapters, I'd be happy to ;) just drop me a note. Update soon please. Peace and love, keep writing b/c you ROCK!
| Salem Jones chapter 1 . 10/5/2007
Good story, the first chapter is nicely written... when I have a chance, I'll be sure to catch up :)
| writergurlLW chapter 4 . 1/23/2007
Great chapter ending. That's the perfect cliffhanger y'know. The perfect one! It just get's better and better. Can't wait for you to update and I'm happy you posted a link to this on Xblue's forum.