|Reviews for Dragonflesh|
| Casey Drake chapter 14 . 12/11/2006
...Well. Certainly this is interesting that these stories of Karan's are leading to what seems the seeds of a revolution despite the fact that he didn't intend it.
But knowing you, Karan will be blamed.
| Sabriel Skye chapter 2 . 12/8/2006
After reading the first chapter, I thought that I already couldn't be any more impressed with the story, but I was entirely wrong. The story itself is so original, I just can't get over it.
There were a couple of things that I did notice, however:
1)You had written "That just happened to be the last stylus he'd in stock". "He'd" usually would be an appropriate contraction, but in this sentence, it isn't. Also, it directly affects the flow of the sentence.
2)Although the story content is amazing, there are some things that are still not explained: Annums, August (class of dragon possibly?), and sercanethyst. I'm sure that all of these are very important to the story, and I do not wish to go through the story not understanding what they are.
Other than that, I felt that the story itself deserves a much higher review than any that you've ever received. I sincerely hope you are thinking about publishing your work. I would definitely buy anything you write.
P.S. Also, I do not know if you received my reply to your PM. I said that I have replaced my first chapter with the edited version after fixing some of the problems that you noted. Please read over it again (I know, I hate to ask you to read over it again!), but I would love some feedback on it, if you would.
| Shadowhound chapter 14 . 12/8/2006
Okay, I'm going to be a little angry in my review today. One of the few stories that I enjoy reading on this site decided that their story wasn't going where they wanted it to. I have no problems with that, I've done it myself. I problem came in where the author decided that, in order to make it more 'mystical,' she should make her characters 'elves, orcs, and the like.' There was nothing wrong with the story to begin with and doing those things will only take away from the story...Sorry I had to rant in your vicinity. It cleared my mind a bit and allows me to concentrate more on your story.
On to the review. Hey, Karan's back. Out of curiousity, who suggested you add in a 'super-duper war?'
So Karan's finally understanding that other beings don't read his work the way he intended it. Dragons of various titles getting ideas into their heads. Dickens' writing was effective not because the poor read it, but because the rich read it and sympathized with the characters. Those Respectables and Untitled could rebel if they wanted to, but it wouldn't cause any lasting change. There have been thousands of revolutions or attempted revolutions in the history of our planet, most accomplished nothing other than replacing a leader while no changes were made. How do the Magestics and other large dragons feel about it?
In your summary of the story you tell how Karan will be found out and sent to court and a scandal will ensue. When will that happen? I can see how it is beginning already with everyone thinking he is a Notable, but when will the major events in the story take place? The story is slowing down a bit too much for my liking.
| nightdragon0 chapter 14 . 12/8/2006
So the dragons are more sensitive to the noise? Or at least Karan is since he's not used to it.
There's obviously been a pretty large gap between the untitled dragons and the higher ups, I guess this causes a bit of tension too? Maybe that's partly the reason why some of the smaller dragons choose to interpret Karan's stories as sort of 'trying to make a statement'. Well the poor guy certainly didn't intend for it to happen, but guess there is some 'power' in writing, in a sense.
| Sabriel Skye chapter 1 . 12/5/2006
Wow, very interesting indeed.
I fell in love with the way the dragons live out their lives. Not as humans do, but in their own way. You truly created another lifestyle that most writers don't do for other species.
As for the content, the only thing that I had a hard time with, was some of the lifestyle happenings that I did not quite understand, such as sercanethyst, or the annums, or the lengths, but I figure that I must wait until later chapters to fully comprehend it.
All in all, it was a great read, and I cannot wait to continue on with the next chapter tomorrow!
| Shadowhound chapter 13 . 12/4/2006
Excellent fight scene. It seems very animalistic and draconic. I especially liked how Anvar immediately started eating his opponent after beating her. Though I have to wonder about the legal ramifications. While Challenging someone is legal, how does society react when one of their members is killed and eaten in public? And the wyverns were watching, how does that affect their view of dragons?
Interesting inner struggle of Lodver's. He's trying to remain civilized and withstand the compulsion to Devour, but can't control his inherit animal nature.
Another question about the consumption of Dragonflesh. Is the size grown proportionate to the amount eaten? Or does somethin in Dragonflesh cause a growth hormone to be released and makes the body grow proportionate to the amount of hormone released? Exactly how much does a dragon grow from just a few bites of Dragonflesh?
Anyway, good chapter. I do wonder what happened to Karan, though.
| Casey Drake chapter 13 . 12/2/2006
oh dear... This is going to be interesting...
And I noticed how you mentioned that the wyverns were disgusted by the spectacle.
Seems to me that the wyverns think the dragons are as backward and barbaric as the dragons think the wyverns are...
| Casey Drake chapter 12 . 12/1/2006
hmm... of everyone I've met here so far. I think I like Gren the best. He's... well... he's so calm, and levelheaded, but he will chew someone out when said someone needs chewing.
| nightdragon0 chapter 13 . 12/1/2006
Seems that the whole challenge and devour thing is quite widely accepted, judging from most of the crowd's calm reactions. It's almost like some sort of a sport or entertainment to them.
Well, the dragons here can definitely be rather 'civilized' at one moment, and wild and feral the next.
| Shadowhound chapter 12 . 11/30/2006
Wait. What? Eragon into a video game? Why? I'm still avoiding the movie trailor like the plague. Why would they ruin the sanctity of the PS3 with that crap? May Sephiroth watch over us in thie time of peril.
Favoured refers only to an Emberseer, right?
You make a reference to a draconic hell, the Flame. If I may ask, why Flame? To humans it makes since to envision a fiery hell because to be constantly burned forever is considered to be an agonizing fate. Dragons, on the other hand, have noticibly tougher hides. Favoured Gren is sitting there with solidifying lava on his back. Why should they fear fire? Hell, or whatever underworld you choose to make, if used to ispire a similar fear of not-wanting-to-go-there, you need to make it something they would fear more than anything. Humans fear pain, and fire constantly burns flesh. They smell it burning even when it stops hurting, making it so much worse. What do dragons have to fear of fire?
Interesting chapter. I like Gren. He seems like an interesting character who I hope sticks around for a bit. Anyway, hope to see more soon.
| nightdragon0 chapter 12 . 11/29/2006
Quirl's way of dealing with her stress seems to be imersing herself in so much work that she forgets. I guess it's not always a good thing cause things will just keep piling up and up.
Hmm..certainly an interesting ritual at the end too, if that's what's best to describe it. Seems here that different scale color doesn't mean different elemental dragons, as it seems they all can walk into lava like that.
| ShadowAili chapter 12 . 11/28/2006
Another good chapter! I like how you're developing Quirl's character, she's my favorite out of all of them so far. The ritual confused me a little - why did Gren tear her apart? But it was still very interesting, and I loved reading it. Please update soon, I'm very eager to see what happens next.
| Casey Drake chapter 11 . 11/27/2006
Oh dear, Karan is in DEEP trouble.
oh, and you're welcome. It's been a long time, and it's been fun the entire way.
Here's to publishing dreams!
| Shadowhound chapter 11 . 11/26/2006
Thank you for the compliment. As to why Behemoth is taking a while to get up and about is partly because Fictionpress won't let me upload it. And me being lazy. It's easier to read the work of others than write one for yourself. I'm working on it, though.
On to the review.
Karan uses the excuse of going to a funeral and maybe getting something to devour for the second time. What is the average lifespan of your dragons? I get that he is lying, but it raises the question of how long a dragon lives. Hell, if Dragonflesh is as...addicting? intoxicating? delicious? as you say it is what is to stop a Magestic from ripping apart those without status? Does explain a bit about why laws were made to protect some dragons from dying and being eaten before their time.
Hm. The first time Karan is called a Notable.
A question about Dragonflesh. Anvar mentions risking his 'sweet flesh.' You've made it pretty clear that when a dragon eats another dragon the consumer grows in size. What happens if a dragon starts nibbling on him/herself? Just a bite or two, and it would grow back in time. Might give them a little growth to become a Respectable, if they don't have any status. So, does eating yourself mean growing, or does that only work with eating others?
Charles Dickens' writing was particularly exceptional. Today people read it see it as literature. A lot of the changes made concerning factory conditions and sanitation concerning the poor was partly because of him. Basically, Dickens wrote about average people and the poor. People read his work and sympathized with the characters. People in positions of power who read it used their power to help with sanitation (mainly because they were afraid that sickness in the slums would spread to them, but hey, it worked). Dickens helped bring about a lot of changes for the poor's benefit. Karan, though not particularly caring for the factory dragons, seems to have a similar effect without realizing it.
Who is this 'Vald' Karan mentions? Some god? Past hero? The former would religious, the latter romantic.
Interesting chapter. I wish you luck on getting this published. If you worry about being rejected at every turn, think of it this way. Would you rather have your family's private publishing company do it for you? A lot of good books start out rejected because, as you said, publishers can be afraid to try something new. Anyway, good luck.
| ShadowAili chapter 11 . 11/25/2006
This is really, REALLY good. I thought it started off kind of slow, but now I'm really starting to get into it. You're an amazing author. This is so creative and unique. I hope you do get to publish it someday, I'll definitely go out and get it when you do. So, yeah, good story and please keep going!