Reviews for Dragonflesh
nightdragon0 chapter 4 . 10/18/2006
Karan's conscience gets the better of him at first, but I see that he's still going back and hatching a plot (to presumbly) cover his actions, heh.

I note his sister kinda acts like the old fashioned mother, complaining about when you're going to get a wife and such. But guess although they're related, the two of them belong to a different clutch.
Shadowhound chapter 4 . 10/18/2006
I like Karan's sister. She is forced into a situation that she hates and is bound by responsibility (filial?). At the same time, she is trying to take control of her life and make the best of it. It seems odd that at the end of the letter she comes out and says she hates the country. Why would she say that? Karan has known her his entire life. If that bit of information isn't obvious to him by now, does he not pay any attention to her at all? Anyway, that last remark in her letter seemed a bit uncharacteristical from what the rest her letter said.

Regardless, good chapter. More inner turmoil that shows exactly who Karan is. Glad FictionPress is back up. Hope to see more soon.

Shadowhound
Cyndi chapter 3 . 10/17/2006
A rather fascinating tale you have here. I got a kick out of Karan reading the comments from his readers. It gave me visions of fanfiction dot net and other places where people can leave anonymous comments. Hehe! Love what you did with dragon society and hierarchy.
Shadowhound chapter 3 . 10/11/2006
Question about the story Karan is writing. Is Marshal Windsdor a Holmes like character? Some of the things he and his squire have done remind me of Sherlock and Watson somewhat, so I'm a bit curious.

So the dragons of this world also have their emotions portrayed through their eyes? I understand that you are used to doing that, but what other ways would they have of showing how they feel?

I like the Postmaster's name. Very dignified and regal sounding. What's it mean? Oh nothing, nothing. Never mind.

'Fantastic Fantasy,' I'm assuming that is a magazine. Does that mean that a chapter or two of Marshal Winsdor's adventures is published in each one? A lot of this chapter reminds me of England during the Industrial Revolution.

Your draconic society is based on size? You obviously meant for the readers to see the flaws in that society. When Karan grows from eating the August-ranked dragon's cadaver, what will happen? Obviously, he will grow and people will notice and become suspicious, but why does Karan feel the need to eat the dead? I understood when farmer fed the sick hatchling to the others so they could thrive, but what drives your dragons to eat the dead? A truly fascinating subject you've created. I look forward to seeing how it turns out.

Shadowhound
Casey Drake chapter 3 . 10/10/2006
Crap and crap. He's gonna get in troouble...

:D CD
nightdragon0 chapter 3 . 10/10/2006
This certainly seems to be moving along well.

For this 'society' bit, I see you've brought in parts and names from our online experiences here.

I think I can see it from the way Karan thinks about his character and plot, and him getting letters with useless abusive comments. (And the fact that it's online, you can't exactly walk up to the fellow and give him a left hook to the face.)I wonder if the Fantastic Fantasy bit is a reference to heh (being FF).

I also note the 're-using' of the names. Heh I certainly don't mind. I'm quite honored as a matter of fact. Need me to bring up some more dragon characters for you?
Casey Drake chapter 2 . 10/9/2006
...heh. I just figured it out. You stuck in a little making-fun of humanlike dragons, yes? I like it.

*nodnod* I'm liking.

:) CD
Shadowhound chapter 2 . 10/9/2006
I like how you have the humans do draconic things. The bed of gold was a great idea.

You mispell civilized 'civilised.' Sorry, you pretty much make sure that everyone looks at it, it being italicized and all.

Interesting story. Out of curiousity, how many ranks of levels of society are there in this culture? Anyway, I hope to see more of your writing soon.

Shadowhound
nightdragon0 chapter 2 . 10/7/2006
Certainly serves to give us a better view of this world, but not everything's come into light yet.

I do like the part where he has to control his temper because this is supposed to be a 'civilised' time, heh. Must be pretty amusing, but I suppose he won't be thought of very well if he loses his temper like that.
iamthedave chapter 2 . 10/7/2006
Solid chapter, but I didn't find it particularly gripping. I think the problem is you're focusing on the familiar, mundane parts of this society, rather than really writing anything new. The farm section I really didn't enjoy, although the quality is good enough. It just felt... pointless. No doubt the next chapter will correct that, but as it stands it felt jarringly out of place from what I've seen so far.

I was wondering why there's so little usage of stone. Paper seems such a feeble choice of writing material. Again: Scales Paper angry paper.

On top of which you've already established that they think in a 'hard' manner. They sleep on hard beds, have a fondness for gold that goes deeper than money, etc. I would imagine that a long-lived species is not going to like the idea of creating something so... perishable. What's their lifespan? The dragons could easily outlive their own creations, watch the paper crumble in time. What this all adds up to is me thinking this:

Wouldn't it make a lot of sense for them to have developed claw-sheathes to make it easier for them to write on some variety of stone? Ultimately, these are dragons. They're not and shouldn't feel like Humans. The way they mentally process information is going to be different. Maybe their mental processes are a lot slower but more accurate, so when the writer sits down to work he only writes what he intends to (making no mistakes), which would mean no or very little need for corrections (which in higher social levels would be done by the dragons in the printing business). Or maybe they have ways to make corrections even on stone. Most importantly, it would let you put another fantasy element into the story that you could develop and work with to make it more interesting and new.

I do also wonder about their language. Is it simple? Complex? Are they actually writing in the Human language? If their writing was complex enough, stone would again be a very logical writing material, since a good author could work much of his intent into one or two tablets regardless of the size of the story. However, he'd end up spending days or even weeks on each individual character. Again, it's something I think would make this story a lot more interesting. I'm probably alone in that, though.

In a story about writing, you seem to be going out of your way not to talk about the materiale of writing, which seems odd to me. Just something to think about, as a whole.
Shadowhound chapter 1 . 10/6/2006
Nice beginning to a story. I like the idea of a nonhuman writing a book, and from the parts you've put in, it looks somewhat intriguing. A bit random in how you present one part then another without finishing the previous bit, but still interesting. I look forward to seeing how both stories turn out. Just don't forget Essense of Ether.

Shadowhound
Shadow Gryphon chapter 1 . 10/5/2006
Dragons being human and humans being draconic. I quite like it! Hm... Although in Latin, draconic refers to a person who takes harsh measures in order to keep the peace, etc...

Anyways, I've already told you the rest. Neat stuff. I'll try to get to the next chapter as soon as it's posted.
nightdragon0 chapter 1 . 10/4/2006
Rather different kind of world from the ones I'm used to you writing.

Now that I've had time to think about it, you've sort of got the 'main' story, Karan the dragon doing 'human-like' things and him writing his novel with a human doing 'dragon-like' like this is what you're trying to show, but I don't get if you're trying to include a reason why they do things as such. (Unless that's supposed to appear later on).

Well it's an expreiment after all, heh. But it could go somewhere...
Casey Drake chapter 1 . 10/3/2006
hmmn. I am quite willing to see where this goes. This seems like a different world than your usual, and I'm liking that change. I also like the immediate sense of a hierarchy.

:) CD
iamthedave chapter 1 . 10/3/2006
Meh. It's a nice try, but I don't think this experiment has much life in it unless you really look at what you're doing.

For one thing, there's problems with your nomenclature. Dragons do not have 'paws'. Do crocodiles have paws? No? Then neither do dragons. And yes that was a rhetorical question.

Conceptually I think you've made a major error, too. In having the dragon write a very typical story you end up doing exactly the same thing that you said annoyed you. He sounds like a HUMAN novelist, writing a very ordinary HUMAN kind of book. You have a good concept, but I don't think you've followed that through very well. The inversion is illogical, basically. At the very least it's unspeakably mundane, which is the absolute opposite of what fantasy is supposed to be.

Then there's paper and pencils, and chairs. Why, why, and why? A pencil makes no sense. There's no way it could be robust enough for a creature with very rough skin and sharp claws to use. This writer would abrade his pencils to nothing just from the pressure he was pressing on a page, and a single slip would likely crush it.

For all the criticisms, the dialogue is all very good, and the society sounds interesting on a structural level. There's some merit here, but you're going to have to force this into a better shape if you want it to really have grip.
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