|Reviews for Dragonflesh|
| LucienofShadow chapter 2 . 2/23/2008
"Within this civilised age" should be spelled 'civilized.' You also misspelled it later in the chapter. Is this alternate spelling on purpose?
Also, the caps in 'In any case, LET'S GET READY FOR...' don't read very well. A simple exclamation point would have gotten your point across, all caps is completely unnecessary.
Hmm... an idea. 'newly-hatched dragonet' could be 'new-hatched dragonet.' It makes it seem like he says it more often- the same reason we say 'new-born' rather than 'newly born.' No need to do that one, just a thought I had.
The language in this chapter again, seemed appropriate to the setting. Also, if every chapter reveals more about draconic culture, as this one did, you will have quite a nice setting to use for later pieces. I look forward to reading more.
-Lucien, from the Review Marathon
| LucienofShadow chapter 1 . 2/23/2008
I like the notion behind this experiment of yours, and think it works out rather well in this first chapter. I look forward to learning why Marshal would have considered eating Tobias alive to be an option. This, along with the mention of 'eating dragonflesh' to increase one's size and status, makes for some interesting cultural implications.
The first part of the chapter drags a bit, though. The sentences aren't run ons but they can feel like it, You might want to rework that section some.
An excellent beginning.
-Lucien, from The Review Marathon (link in profile if you want more information on that)
| Kia Wiep chapter 1 . 12/28/2007
An interesting concept for a novel, when one such as yourself, showed such distaste for other authors using a dragon because it is cute. It is rather funny also, because since you are not a published author, you subject other authors to critical, bordering on personally belittling, reviews. however, I think you did a good job turning a dragon into a human, wait, I thought that was not allowed if you follow the rules of fantasy as set down by Lccorp2.
| cherrypiesizzle chapter 1 . 9/15/2007
| Koneko chapter 11 . 7/26/2007
Uhm... in regards to the note at the top of this... you've already self-published it, so you probably can't sell it.
| CandleQueen chapter 1 . 7/9/2007
You started one of your paragraphs with because, and you shouldn't have. The landlady said something like, "Only the lowest classes do that, the farmers and factory-dragons, not a fine young serpent making his way into the world!” When he walked on all fours. Wouldn't he already know this? It sounded kinda forced. And they clean themselves with moist towlettes. How are the towlettes stored to keep them moist? What fabric are they made from? Why, of all things would they have a luxury like moist towlettes when the beginning of this story sounds mideval? Or is it modern?
| Flaming Pickadillyrose chapter 1 . 6/29/2007
U r gifted and alot like my bro he cant do nothing else than play wow aND i THOGHT since u are so succesful could u maybe see the 1 chaptr of my story and say what u thihnk
Its called Euranna's puirsuit for truth.
again like ur work alot keep playing :)
| yourworstnightmare666 chapter 1 . 6/27/2007
i do not understand your stange messed up writing style.
i do not like it.
| Lord of a Thousand Flames chapter 1 . 6/14/2007
1. Unique ideas and creativity do not go hand-in-hand.
2. Suspension of disbelief only goes so far. Why should dragons act like humans? And 'make up' humans as a fantasy race? Why, since we all know we exist, should we believe you when you say we don't?
3. Dragons-as-humans has been done before. Try 'Tooth and Claw', by Jo Walton. Although at least that didn't have humans as a made-up race.
Sometimes I wonder if you don't write your stories as examples of 'what not to do'. I can only thank the gods that your prose is bearable.
| Your Worst Nightmare chapter 1 . 6/7/2007
Greetings, Lccorps2! There are some who call me "Your Worst Nightmare", as you will soon find out. As I read this...thing...I begin to wonder: "Where have I seen dragons before?" And a great list begins to populate my dark mind. This idea is no idea. It is not yours. It is of another. Now i shall warn you, becasue i'm 'nice' like that. Soon you will be dealing with something that should not be dealt with...me. A plague will come. Will you be ready? *evil laughter*
~YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!
| pseudonym-of-mine chapter 36 . 5/12/2007
Orgasmic story you've got here. I can't wait to read more of your works.
| Katsuhiro chapter 1 . 5/7/2007
I'm afraid I've only read the opening chapter, which itself was prompted by one of your hilariously candid (and decidedly honest) reviews of a random fantasy writer.
A writer's capability is best deteremined by the luring capabilities of its opening - more commonly referred to as a 'hook' - and here you've succeeded well.
The dialogue is believable, which is often the greatest test of a writer. Nothing irritates me more than the over-wrought speech which can plague this website's content.
I'm also guessing that you're a Warcraft player, judging from the Author's Note. Might I ask you to savage my latest piece, which is set in the Warcraft world, so that I might aspire toward a more indepth knowledge of writing?
I won't pretend to be a brilliant writer. Lord knows I'm not, but it's only through criticism that one can improve.
| CabbyHat chapter 11 . 5/1/2007
You did a great job of portraying Karan's unease in this chapter. I found myself glancing over my shoulder the whole time.
I did notice one grammar error: "snoozing dragons who’d evidently eaten far too much than was good for them" - should be "far more than was good for them" or something else. Just thought you might like to know.
| CabbyHat chapter 10 . 4/30/2007
Oh... poor Karan! Man, I wish I didn't have to stop reading right now, but I do... pox upon all cliffhangers!
| CabbyHat chapter 9 . 4/30/2007
Eh... once again, I have nothing constructive to say! I'm sorry, but I just love this story so much! I have to keep reading, and I have to let you know how much I like it... pleasedon'tdevourme...