Reviews for Dragonflesh
Sazuki chapter 3 . 3/14/2007
-Thanks for taking that 'mockery' of my review off your profile. You sure you don't want to discuss the problems and misunderstandings? Honestly, I'm still having trouble seeing how this is a parody. I thought parodies were imitations, mockeries. What is this imitating or mocking? Maybe I'm a bit dense because I've never read into parodies before, mind enlightening me? (perhaps without biting my head off, aye?)

-

Real quick, something I forgot to say about the last chapter in particular: I poke at the name Gruiand...that's in nightdragon0's 'draconic evolution' story. You two friendly or what? :) Just curious.

It's interesting and a little chill-raising that the dragons consider it okay to kill a hatchling and feed it to the other little dragons. Definitely something different there. Though...we humans do abort/kill babies all the time and there's always a justification for it from the ones who commit that crime. But anyway...

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I like the way Karan thinks about his writing? Do you go through similar thoughts as you're walking about the day? You better not 'cause if your character does things you do that's an indicator of a Mary Sue which is OMG horrible.

Heh. Kidding. Sometimes, that's an aspect that makes a character able to connect with.

...But I'm still having a whole heck of a lot of trouble connecting to these characters. I find myself not caring at all what happens to Karan. Nope. Not at all. I've read through this FIVE times and still go bleh on your characters.

They're not so much developing...as we're getting to know them. It's like we're hovering over the character, following him along as he goes about life, discovering things about him as he moves...instead of actually becoming the character. Which is different... Just, not the different I personally connect with. :P

Ferryl also comes from nightdragon0's character name list. O_o What the reh? That's two I'm noticing. Are you two friends? Seriously?

Karan certainly is mean to poor Ferryl there. Horrible practical joke. Just horrible.

"Enthralled by the prospect of weak, clumsy-looking, thin-hided freaks nevertheless using their wits to make up for what they lacked in physical strength in order to surmount huge obstacles and dangerous foes" Heh Aren't humans just the greatest beings ever created?

Okay, now the cliffie and Karan ending with an excuse that is so OMGHUMAN. And a bit childish excuse at that. "It had to be his. He'd found it."

Meh. Someone give these dragons a better idea of morals. I'm not too fond of what they have now.

-

All in all, if I had a list of "best at creating plots" you'd certainly be on it.

But your characters are MISSING SOMETHING. I don't care for them. WHY? -narrows eyes and pulls out hair trying to pin down the reason for this- I want to explain it, ya know, to give you some clue as to why I keep bitching about it...I just haven't put my finger on what it is yet.

Ah well, I'll keep reading and figure it out later.

~Saz
Sazuki chapter 2 . 3/14/2007
I don't know why you had to "mock" me in your profile. If you disagreed with something I said, why not review-reply instead of lash out like some poor schoolboy complaining about someone stupid enough to misunderstand his work? Welcome to life, my dear friend. I could have apologized for misinterpreting...but now I won't 'cause you don't seem mature enough to deserve it.

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Anyway, the WoW thing WAS just a little friendly warning. World of Warcraft is a very kick-ass game. I wasn't saying you failed at life BECAUSE you play WoW..I said, it HAPPENS. I've just seen and experienced so many cases of friends falling too far into WoW that they stop paying attention to life. One friend even stopped eating regularly and lost her free-college experience. Now she has to pay if she wants to go back. -sigh- Because of WoW. Understand my warning yet? I wasn't mocking you for playing, silly. Stop assuming the world is out to get you.

-

Okay, it's a parody. Gotcha. It's just that...from your author notes at the beginning there, I thought you were trying to craft a dragon society...ya know, be better than whoever wrote Tooth and Claw. And I probably mistakenly read-in-between-the-lines that you wanted to go beyond just Karan's novel about Marshal Winsdor (fine, fine, I'll let the name slide, 'cause to be honest, my name resembles a fucking car)...

The whole aspect of Karan writing a novel about humans in which the humans act like dragons...It's very interesting, very grabbing. I LIKE this story of yours (even though my friend will hate me for a while for saying it). It DOES have its layers. (I've actually read up to chapter 5 or 6 now I'm just reviewing chapter by chapter). And I'm quite impressed.

I just think YOU can do better.

I feel like you're on the brink of some great masterpiece. I really do. And I just wanted to say "hey, maybe if you poked the dragons to act just a BIT more draconic it'll fix this feeling I have that somethings missing"

The story seems more centered on plot than characters, which typically isn't my favorite kind to read. Tolkien was so great because his plot was ZOMG and his characters were OMGILUVYOU (to explain in hyper internet caps).

Everytime I read through this, I feel like something's missing and I can't put my finger on it. Maybe it's that I'm not connecting to the characters. I dunno. That may not be it at all.

Honestly, your style reminds me of reading A Tale of Two Cities by Dickens. hum. Now that's a classic. You could have a classic, too. Dragonflesh feels more or less like something I'd find in my 'classic' section of the library, rather than fantasy. The only fantasy aspect you have here is that they're dragons and it's a different world (and of course Karan writes fantasy himself).

-sigh-

And who said I won't read George R. R. Martin? Eh? Who the fuck came up with that one? Oh wait...That's on Reda's profile...Hrm...I'm not, Reda, hun, I'm a friend that stole the name/account of her character and forced her to put up Sazuki's stories.

Yeah, I'm weird. I go around pretending I'm her character...more or less to annoy her than anything.

Take a chill pill.

And next time...if you have a problem with my review.

Send me a PM.

~Saz
Sazuki chapter 1 . 3/12/2007
First off. WoW is addicting. Be careful. :) People fail life because they teh pwn on WoW. Just a little friendly warning.

-

Interesting way to begin. Sounds like you're bashing every author that starts their story with a death. Hum. Let's see what stupid authors did that...Robert Jordan perhaps? Or were you attacking a million random authors on ficpress who do it?

Dragon society right? Question: WHY is it so hard for me to picture him as a dragon? The only thing that keeps reminding me Karan is a dragon is the description of the way he looks or that he breathes through a snout or some such. The way he acts has me imagining a human. -shrug-

Interesting idea to have a dragon writing a story about a human. But why have the dragon writing the way humans write? -secluded room, spending late hours into the night, yadda yadda yadda-

Dragons doing human things and humans being described in Karan's book as reacting like 'our' idea of dragons. It's different, but I THOUGHT you were trying to create a dragon society that was...I dunno...more draconic? Instead of leaving you with the feeling that they're just a society VERY similar to the old European whatever-the-correct-term-is...wasn't that a point you were trying to make?

Okay, so they eat like animals. That's a plus on your side. Humans wouldn't have meat flying everywhere...well...not normally, I dont think.

Wait, wait, wait...you play Wow, right? WHY steal the name Windsor? so whatever you switched the 's' and 'd' but it's still...sigh nevermind.

-cha

~Saz
Shadowhound chapter 34 . 3/12/2007
Interesting that Marshal Winsdor is making fewer and fewer appearances.

"...unless you wish to end up as a snack.” Seriously, is that his end all solution? I can't help but laugh because it's a very realistic trait. Nice ending, though. The prosecution failed because they weren't able to prove beyond reasonable doubt. I wonder, if Karan hadn't pleaded guilty and the trial had gone, would they have been able to meet that requirement?

Nice ending to the trial. The end is in sight and pieces are coming together.

Shadowhound
nightdragon0 chapter 34 . 3/11/2007
I'd expected that Calexia would be really pissed off. But it definitely seems that it's more of her reputation than anything else. At least, that's what she makes it seem like. Calexia's statement later on does seem quite lawyer-like, guess you must've done some research on it too.

His sentence definitely has something to do with the 'strike' of the factory dragons and all. Amazing what a great impact his writing could have.
feeder chapter 34 . 3/11/2007
This is a pretty amazing story you know. I would review the previous chapters a bit too but I can't think of anything to say that hasn't already been said many times.

Anyway, this is definately one of the better chapters, and the sentence: "Looking over to his opponent, he looked on as she gave him a small grin as she turned and stalked off" is a really good note to end the chapter on.

I liked Calexia's defence statement thing as well, it sounded just how a lawyer should sound, even if they do happen to be a dragon.

This is probably one of the most original stories I've read on FicPress, and I love the way Karan seems horrified by the consequences of what he has written. I look forward to finding out what happens next, and why Karan's opponent grinned at the result of the sentencing.
Shadowhound chapter 33 . 3/8/2007
'if you can find a wyvern female about your size and a remote enough location.' ...Wow. Was not expecting that. Then again, there are enough business men who do the same thing when they travel abroad, but there aren't the physical differences like there are between dragon and wyvern. Still...wow.

I'm glad you've finally cleared up the issue concerning the boarding house after Hanor's death. I look forward to seeing how it will be resolved.

I still find it interesting that your dragons are fighting their natural instincts in an effort to be civilized. Everytime you've had a dragon encounter Dragonflesh they've eaten it. What would happen if they didn't? At some point instincts are forgotten while the mind is determined to be civilized. Humans are so determined to be civilized that the few instincts we have left are the basic ones telling us to eat, sleep, and procreate. Given another dozen generations, what will your dragons be like?

Shadowhound
nightdragon0 chapter 33 . 3/6/2007
Besides Anvar seemingly having to tell himself that 'it'll get better', I think he's still pretty mad at Quirl. And it really does seem that Lodver ends up in 'difficult' situations because of Anvar.

There's at least some closure about Hanor, but I'm guessing the issues of her property and the Sercanethyst gyser will be at large. Quirl still hasn't told too many dragons, if I remember.

Hmm, was Karan the one who'd been at the bording house the longest?
Casey Drake chapter 32 . 3/2/2007
Oh my... so we're heading toward the end.

:) CD
nightdragon0 chapter 32 . 3/1/2007
Yup, certains seems like the ice prison takes the place of any form of detaining, even if it's just till the jury passes its sentence. I suppose they follow the 'guilty until proven innoncent', but in this case, Karan has already confessed to being guilty.

And this chapter does give a good description of what it's like being in there.

Esp for this Marshal Winsdor exerpt, it's easier to see Karan's references to his own world. From the 'prison food' to the way he references his nemisis.

"Karan would never see Ferryl again."

Something about the line just gives a 'bad' feeling. Maybe it's because something happens to either of the two, or it could be simply that Ferryl leaves and goes somewhere else to avoid Karan after that.
striped feather chapter 32 . 3/1/2007
Good chapter.

I'm interested in finding out what happens to Quirl...as well as Karan *ahem*
Shadowhound chapter 32 . 3/1/2007
The fire burns? Strange, I thought it was only for intimidation. Although I am happy that you've decided to focus a bit more of Karan, when you try to get this published try to keep it on a steady pattern. You were doing very well with that prior to Karan's case going from his story to Quirl's then back to Karan ect. I don't mind *now* because I'm more interested in Karan's story thatn Quirl's, but stil...

Hm. The opening thing with Marshal Winsdor, he refers to the Wizard of Winter as a fruit-eater, a slur against wyverns. You've already stated that orcs eat meat, and isn't the Wizard an orc? Also, I think Karan is being a bit too...He's not being subtle enough in his comparion of human-orc and dragon-wyvern relations.

Wait, Karan's entombed already? What happened to the jury's decision? I know this was a possible end solution, but still. Oh well, moving on.

All that in a fiveday? Why even put him in the ice to begin with if he is only to reemerge five days later? Unless, of course, they are restarting the trial or new evidence has been brought to light, or his brief imprisonment was only so he wouldn't run away before the rest of the trial commenced. I look forward to the next chapter, though try not to forget Quirl. I damn myself by saying it, but both stories need to be told so the possibilities can be seen by the reader.

Shadowhound
hmm chapter 31 . 2/26/2007
Is Karan TRYING to start a revolution?

If the trial had gone all the way through, the people might have seen all the evidence; but this way, the smaller dragons might think that Karan was blackmailed or something...

"The carnage that was taking place was beautiful in way, like thorns sprouting from the earth before his very eyes."

Were they thorns he attempted to plant?
Casey Drake chapter 31 . 2/25/2007
...What? He better have a good reason for this.

:) CD
Shadowhound chapter 31 . 2/25/2007
Finally remembered where Ferryl came from. She appeared in the first few chapters at the post office. I figured she was a background character because you haven't mentioned her again up until now. I'm curious as to what someone who knows Karan will say.

Interesting that there's prejudice against the country dragons. An all too human characteristic, though I'm not sure if that is a bad thing or not.

'air. Bailiff! Permission..."' Needs quotation marks before Bailiff. Quotation marks are some of the few grammar related things I point out because it disrupts the flow. While I'm on that paragraph, would Devouring be a bit too penalizing for not having order in the courtroom? If the dragons are trying to be civilized, why would they resort to some primal punishment? If a bailiff was dissatisfied with his own size, he/she could always drag someone off and Devour them. 'irregardless' shoud be 'regardless.'

'Unlike the real thing, at least courtroom scenes could be thought out, researched, edited over and over again until they made sense to him.' Are you saying that for Karan or for yourself, I wonder. Both, I know, but think of all the fun you're having trying to figure out the legalities of your society. You have to create laws off the top of your head that fit in with the morals your dragons should have based off their culture and history. I'm half envious of you.

Why does the Venerated Judge keep on threatening with Devourmen? Is he actually serious in his threat or is it just standard procedure? I'm still in the mind set that Devouring is a somewhat special event. Not sacred, but understood to be a necessity for their society. If every minor infraction is subject to Devourment, the court system wouldn't be there, or at least not so prestigous as you've made it out to be.

Ferryl's statement...Hm. Part of me wants to say that because the prosecutors told her where she needed to say she was that the statement should be thrown out. It would compromise the witness and the prosecutor would be punished (Devoured, given the judge's threats).

No deus ex machina? That's a first. Let's see, Pathways had a deux, as did Tarnished Gold, though technically it was built up till that moment. I still say it was a deux ex machina (Settle down or I'll spank you! Still makes me laugh). Which makes me wonder how you will pull this off without a god-like intervention. I'm partly thinking the geyser under Quirl's bed might be a part of it, but I'll wait and see.

"Kill the troublemakers?" What happened to being civilized? Seriously, your judge is a hypocrit.

I'm still wondering why Karan pled (plead?) guilty. He's doomed either way if the truth comes out, which it pretty much has. There is still a chance that it could make a turnaround, but at this point I wouldn't be surprised if Karan ended up in a block of ice. I can understand why Calexia might be frustrated with Karan. Usually when the prosecutors are trying to get the guy to plead guilty they offer him some sort of deal. Like a shortened sentence or something of the like. I can understand Karan's statement if that is the case, but otherwise I still think he should be slapped upside the head.

Human court systems have a preliminary hearing that comes before the arguements in court. It is basically deciding whether or not the case will go to trial. It is usually at that time that someone pleads guilty or nonguilty. ...So it seems watching that episode of Law&Order finally paid off.

Interesting chaper.

Shadowhound
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