Reviews for Dragonflesh
striped feather chapter 31 . 2/25/2007
I admit, I absoluetly love what you've done with Dragonflesh. However, I know this is a parody but, don't you think the court scenes cling too much to real world court systems?

Considering that they're dragons, maybe an open-air hearing or even one held in a furnace? You've done an excellent job on standard court precedings as well as the culture of your dragons. However, it seems like your dragons struggle so much with keeping themselves from devouring one another that it would be extremely hard for them to remain in an enclosed area such as the court, despite the threat of devouring by an Enforcer, as this recent chapter showed. We humans tend to opt for enclosed spaces, but dragons might definitly prefer to keep to open areas because of their aptitude for flying, despite the lack of intimidation it presents to the accused.

Would the wyverns do that? They seem like thay're more aerial and bird like than dragons. Or would they have trials indoors?

Speaking of which, how's the hunt for a publisher going? I'd love to buy a copy of this if it comes out.
nightdragon0 chapter 31 . 2/25/2007
Hmm, why would the middle class dragons get so worked up, instead of say the lower class ones? I guess as this story has been pointing out, the Untitleds can't really act, or aren't willing to act without a leader.

I note the higher class ones remain pretty much calm. Because they don't really have anything to worry about from the lower classes?

After everything he'd been thinking in the previous chapers, I didn't expect Karan to make a decision like that.
Sabriel Skye chapter 5 . 2/24/2007
The thought of Karan putting on body paints is amusing. It feels like watching a small girl put on her mommy's makeup for the first time. Although, it was necessary for his plan.

Which, the plan is kind of what I expected. I cannot wait to read the next chapter though,
Sabriel Skye chapter 4 . 2/24/2007
Hmm. I'm wondering what plan Karan has in mind. Eating the dragonflesh maybe? Well, that is the title of the story, so I'm assuming that he actually does consume the dragonflesh.

Ha. His sister reminds me of my mother. Nice to be able to relate to someone in the story, even though it is a dragon that I'm relating to.

I'm also becoming highly interesting the Marshal Windsor story that Karan is writing. I find myself not only wondering what is going to happen to Karan, but to Mr. Windsor as well.

Overall, very well written and a well thought out chapter. I'm going to go ahead and read the next chapter in order to hopefully kill my need to keep going, though that probably won't happen!
Nethus chapter 1 . 2/21/2007
Ok, I'm here on this one too ) cheers! Ok, you want to create a dragon society that is completely dragon...I understand that this is just an experiment. Anyways, about that dragon society...you failed, sorry to say. This feels like humans replaced with dragons...he sits in a chair and uses a bloody pencil, yeap, very dragon-like. And...Marshal Windsor...sounds...familiar somehow...do you play World of Warcraft? Anyways, this isn't all that wonderful in my opinion. I read a quote in a Dragonlance novel a bit ago. By the authors mind you, not part of character dialogue. They were talking about how they wanted to create an Elven society and wanted to make it completely Elf...but they wanted their audience (humans, in case you couldnt figure that one out ) to connect to their characters and feel for the characters, so...human emotions, no? You can make something "different" yet...if it's too different then it's not going to connect with the main bit of your reader base when you go to publish. You can create something new and awesome...that fellow AUTHORS like...but authors arent the people who are going to pay YOUR bills, people like me are. Anyways, enjoyed giving you my opinion, have fun
Shadowhound chapter 30 . 2/21/2007
I think your Author's Notes are getting a bit too long. Considering the guy you gave advise to, try not to worry too much about him. Just count the days till you change ships or he does.

On to the review...

Quirl... ...

So the social status is so deeply engrained into the dragon's mind that they even say the title in their mind. I've noticed it before, but it hasn't been brought to the fore like it was when Hanor called Dornogin without his title. And Quirl mentally chastises her for it. How long would it take them (the larger dragons) to instill that sense of inferiority to their smaller counterparts? A similar thing happens during slavery and other inhumane acts. Curious...

I'm still wondering about the legal ramifications of Hanor's death. Her house is sitting on the geyser, and Quirl can't lay claim to that house. The only people I can think of that might be able to lay claim would be either her children, who you mentioned haven't been in touch with their mother for some time, and Esteemed Dornogin because of his status as governer. If Hanor wrote a will before her suicide, things would be different. On that note, what is Vald's will concerning suicide? Various religions and cultures view suicide differently. Christianity looks down upon it and condemns its practitioners to hell, the feudalistic Japanese would willing commit suicide to preserve honor, ect. With dragons struggling for survival in a world where the biggest survive, how do they view suicide?

Shadowhound
Casey Drake chapter 30 . 2/20/2007
I expected it. I don't LIKE it, but i never like when a good character dies.

Oh and for the record, I'd have smacked the stupid eejit.

:) CD
nightdragon0 chapter 30 . 2/18/2007
Perhaps it's more on Quirl’s fault that she's thinking only of herself. She's not considering how her actions affect others, and that seems to be constantly coming back to haunt her in turn. Karma perhaps?
MadMaverick chapter 29 . 2/17/2007
Just one point I'd like to make - since a large part of this story is exposing the senselessness of creating a mythological species only to have it act human, I don't think you should be so worried about whether or not the court proceedings are true to life. I admire the research you've put into it, but this is a dragon society, and you're contradicting yourself when you just apply our judical system (albeit with harsher punishment).

Other than that... still very good.
Shadowhound chapter 29 . 2/15/2007
I wish you had done all of the prosecutor's opening statement. The bit about the first Majestics and the laws they laid down was interesting, particularly when part of the story is about the unfairness of their laws to the lowest classes.

The segment with Marshal Winsdor: Karan already killed off Squire Tobias, right? Is the Winsdor event taking place in the past or present of his wandering timeline, or does it even matter? I always tend to make a decision in a story, like killing someone, and rethink past parts that lead up to it so it makes more sense or is more stunning (in my mind).

Interesting choice of words when the prosecution is introducing Learned Calcifer. Always making references to size and the importance of size...

Grey wolves? Would these wolves be similar the actual grey wolves of our world or have you altered them to fit in yours? Sorry, when looking up information about my Clans I kept on coming across those wolves.

Who is this Ferryl? At first I thought it was Karan's sister, but I went back and found Relre instead. The trial is starting to get interesting.

Shadowhound
nightdragon0 chapter 29 . 2/14/2007
The flame of Vald part is interesting. Though I think it might be more of a formality other than something that actually forces one to tell the truth. Otherwise, they'd have used it on the acused long ago.

Karan's done his writing research well, just not well enough I guess.

I wondering though how much Ferryl had to do with the whole thing.
M chapter 14 . 2/14/2007
These names are pretty generic. "Karan"..."Elured"..."Anvar"...

That's kind of a nitpick, since most fantasy writers lack significant creativity when it comes to naming characters anyway. But next time you start a story, try and see if you can't come up with something that there mightn't be at least five others of running around the FP's fantasy section, hm? Push your imagination a bit on that.

Also. There is no need for an author's note in every single chapter. Unless they're meant to specifically explain and/or clarify something for the story itself, they're distracting, and - I'm not quite sure how to word this, but for a lot of people, A.N.'s tend to erode at a story's overall "enjoyability". You'll want to be careful, because yours tend to be rather lengthy and go into irrelevant things, like your hatred for Eragon and whatnot. Not that I don't agree with you there, but most readers clicked on your story to read the story itself, not to be griped at about the Paolini fellow. Such things can go in the author profile. That way, people who are actually interested in the author's private opinions about non-story-related matters can find them.

(Of course, your story as a whole is quite good and all. But after all, you already seem to be aware of that, and I'm sure other reviewers have well-covered other aspects of your writing. I thought it might be more helpful if I pointed out things other people might not have brought up.)
Shadowhound chapter 28 . 2/11/2007
Are the blocks of ice lining the walls usually there, or are they only there to intimidate Karan? I imagined that the blocks of ice would be kept somewhere a bit colder and out of the way. Having them where in the courthouse would take up a lot of space and be pretty gloomy to the people who have to work there.

How long are dragons usually frozen for? Is there a specific time they have to remain in ice, or is it forever? Is it the end all solution for most cases, you had another dragon mention that he was likely to be frozen, or is it only for the most severe cases? When is it done, and when is it not?

A nice end to the chapter. Just as the trial is about to begin, the chapter ends. Both frustrating and amusing. I'm curious as to what Quirl is doing right now...

Shadowhound
nightdragon0 chapter 28 . 2/11/2007
I forgot to mention before, but concept of freezing instead of having jails is very interesting. And how they turn it into a kind of 'tourist attaction'. It also has a lot to do with the inner fire, which plays an important part in the story.

Wyvern Mother’s embrace?

I wonder what happened to Calexia too? She did seem pretty intent on fighting for Karan's case, but hard to say if that's changed.
Casey Drake chapter 28 . 2/10/2007
Most interesting...

Why is she appearing haggard again? I can't remember.

:) CD
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