|Reviews for Dragonflesh|
| nightdragon0 chapter 23 . 1/19/2007
About the romantic comedy part, wouldn't it be more of their upper limbs bound to their wings so as to act as Wyverns?
I don't think laughing at the inappropriate times during those shows would serve to keep Karan inconspicious, espically now that he needs it, heh.
Calexia seems quite intent on helping him out. For money, or for her reputation pehaps? That could be an interesting point to follow on.
The last time Karan was 'threatened' (being lost in the factory-slums), his thoughts were more along the lines of "I'm not Marshal Windsor" and such. I assumed from that that he wasn't the type who liked 'excitement' too much.
This time his thoughts seem to drift towards feeling 'alive'. Hm...
| Casey Drake chapter 23 . 1/19/2007
| GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings chapter 4 . 1/17/2007
In the third paragraph: "It's mine. (period) Inside..."
The inner dialogue on the part of Karan is really what has grabbed my attention. Very often, authors ignore the new horizons that inner dialogue gives them for characterization. You don't overuse it, but you do put it in at realisitc moments. Karan's trying to decide whether or not to take a bite and trying to justify maybe taking a nibble is an excellent specimen of this sort of internal dialoge.
My only question is how he would realistically expect wolves to be able to take a bite out of a dragon, covered as they are in scales and spines? Is this an instant of the character's inconsistencies in logic because they want something so badly?
The "Huge Dark Iron Thing With Teeth" had to have been my favorite part in this chapter. Marshal Winsdor reminds me very much of Sherlock Holmes. He has that sort of air about him.
The Devouring of the dragons seems very similar to that of many birds, where the first hatchling often kills and eats the next to hatch so that one to survive is the strongest. This "survival of the fittest" seems a little out of place among these intelligent beings. However, it does make them stand apart from humans in more than one way. Humans are very weak physically compared to most predators and yet the weakest of our young (premature infacts etc.) often survive. The way we are built gives us oppertunities to protect our young, to cradle and suckle them. We are nurturers. However, the dragons still retain this primal survival instinct despite their "civilized" behavior. Intersting...
| GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings chapter 3 . 1/17/2007
I enjoy Karan's thoughts about his plotline and such. It's a balm on my injured pride to know that I am not crazy when I ramble on inside my head about characters and the like all day long...
In the paragraph where Karan enters the postoffice and looks at the sleeping dragon: "Burnished to the point where they gleamed..." I'm pretty sure that "they" are her scales, but you never mention "them" by name. "...windows. (period) Karan thought..."
Talnoth eh? M... Somehow that has a familar note to it...
I liked the "Fantastic Fantasy." It definitely has a ring of the old fantasy and sci-fi magazines filled with short stories that were published back in the day.
| Shadowhound chapter 22 . 1/16/2007
I like to think I've never begged for a review. I appreciate reviews and the small boosts it gives to my ego. It does get kind of annoying when people complain about my reviews and how it's 'not important to the story, so focus on the story.' It was a case where the story was set in ancient Japan, and the main character was a blonde haired kid named Jacob. I may not be an expert on Japanese culture or genetics, but those things didn't fit in well with the kid's story, especially when he didn't give an explanation as to why it was a blonde haired guy named Jacob in Japan. Tell me if you want to read that conversation. Still makes me laugh.
Now to the actual review...
I'm curious about the etymology of Sercanethyst, if there is one. Is the name derived from something else, or is it just a series of syllables that came together in your mind? Also, explain how it is a geyser. Geysers (as far as I'm aware) usually deal with water and steam (or liquid and gas, or whatever is the case here). So how exactly are crystals forming? It takes a sudden change in temperature (or pressure, I'm not sure) to change the physical structure of something, so wouldn't the geyser suddenly popping up out of the ground, like it did in Hanor's boarding-house, cause massive amount of damage and a small explosion? Sercanethyst reminds me in a way of Frank Herbert's spice,melange, in that people want it and it is hard to come by. In Herbert's case, it could only be found on one planet. The world that produced the spice frequently had similar things happening where pressure under the sand would cause a sudden spice blow where the spice would literally create a massive explosion, but expose fresh, and more valuable, spice at the same time. Anyway, please explain the nature of your geysers a bit more. I'm not protesting your use of the word, just explain it a bit more so it fits in with your descriptions.
I like Hanor's reaction to Dornogin's suggestion to taking out one room. At the same time, I disagree with her. It probably has to do with my love for money, but to hell with a single room! As Quirl said, Hanor could retire and live a life of luxury. And she could easily grow to be a respectable (maybe not) size. I can't wait to see how Quirl will try to sway Hanor one way or another. Even more, I'm wondering how this will play into Karan's predicament. I can see a few different ways this can help him, and several more where it can hurt him. Anyway, I look forward to reading the next chapter.
| Casey Drake chapter 22 . 1/15/2007
Coils within coils. Every new development shows another problem.
| GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings chapter 2 . 1/14/2007
Thick, soft grip of his pencil? Is this a Papermate?
Stylus (I don't know the plural) and pencils are not the same thing... A stylus was a sharp pointed stick used for pressing letters into wax or clay tablets in ancient times. A pencil is a writing instrument made of a insert of graphite into a casing of wood... Since Karan is writing on paper, he would be using a pencil. If you want him to be a little more Victorian, a quill might work better and he could trim it with his claws, as they did need reguar reshaping of their tips...
And on that note, why paper? I would think that just their picking it up would shred it...
Alright, the cannibalism thing is definetely the first major step I have seen away from human culture. However, if this is a normal thing in dragon society, why is Karan so disgusted by it? This is something of a cliche I see quite a lot: the main character is the only one whose views differ from the accepted belief, despite being raised up by the same standards.
| GryphonFledglingOfSilverWings chapter 1 . 1/14/2007
Your introduction to this story sound much like my own internal ramblings about side projects that pop up every now and again...
Yes, it is Gryphon, come here to not be bored as you promised...
Now, I know that you have told me this before, but again, how long is a Length?
Now, here is part of my problem... How is he holding a pencil with claws? Pencils, long skinny sticks, are meant to be held by delicate fingers. I would think that dragons would have developed some other shape for their writing utensils to better suit their needs if they were, in fact, capable of it...
Question, why so many draconic actions on the part of a human. I understand that a human is "made up" at this point, but even human writers are able to communicate animalistic movements differing from their own. We don't say that "the gryphon scraped his fingernails along the sandy floor of the cave..." We say "talons" or "claws"...
When Karan wakes up, you have "because" beginning the sentance and really has no place in the context of the sentance... You might want to delete that...
And the ellipse at the end... I don't really think that is necessary.
Alrighty... I really don't understand how this goes along with my rant. The dragons seem to be doing very human things, just with a more draconic state of mind. They are basically furries with scales. Why would it be against the social order to stand on four legs? Isn't that why they have four legs? And what would they think of a human, since they have four limbs but walk on two all the time? Would they think of them above their status...
Don't get me wrong, I am far from bored, but this seems to just be a humanisitc rendering of dragons...
| nightdragon0 chapter 22 . 1/14/2007
I guess it goes well with the phrase that 'money isn't everything'. Now even Quirl's finding herself in a spot of trouble...
| Shadowhound chapter 21 . 1/10/2007
Even if the plot is getting idiotic, that isn't a completely good reason to stop writing something. If you can't make the plot better or salvage it in any way, then, yeah, it might be a good idea to take a break for a while. Cough cough silence of a prism cough. I still have no idea what was going on in that story. Anyway, on to the review...
Are wyverns able to grow in a similar way as dragons with Dragonflesh? Wyvernflesh, maybe? Or do they reach a set height and are unable to grow anymore. I'm thinking about Ryvil being only two-thirds of Esteemed Dornogin. I'm guessing in older times (if the latter option) such a size would be more intimidating against untitleds and respectables...My mind wandered.
Quick thing about quotation marks. "“Of all dragons, Notable, I thought you’d understand, being my friend and all. While I still defer to my mother‘s decision, I will most strongly urge her to reconsider this deal. Do inform your father that I feel rather ill and have to take my leave; I apologize for any inconvenience caused. (You are right, quotation marks don't need to be put here, but when the same speaker is continuing his statement the next paragraph where he speaks needs to have q. marks.)
(("))When we have a peace hatched of greed, what does it say about both dragons and wyverns?”" (Sorry, I'm not the greatest when it comes to explaining grammar.)
When you are doing Ryvil's broken style of speech, you do a great job to show the speed at which she speaks, but you don't really show her butchering the language that Anvar says she's doing. Try to write the words by the sounds (Delicious: Deli-ci-ous, Del-ish-us) It'd help if you explained her accent a bit more. What is the native wyvern language like? When I tried to create a language it was full of growls, grunts, and hisses. As such it had a lot of emphasis on the "g" sound while less emphasis on l,f,j,and h. Just try to explain the way the wyvern is speaking a bit more.
Both Quirl and Esteemed Dornogin are from Aeletheia's brood. Is that referring to a shared parent or some ancestral figure/deity?
So Anvar misunderstands the situation. Hm. I'm curious as to how the nonexistent relationship between Anvar and Quirl will turn out. One feels she's not good enough for the other, and now the other feels that way in turn. Kind of ironic.
| Shadowhound chapter 20 . 1/10/2007
Good chapter, but there are a lot of typos. Well, more than usual. When reading through it, I can see where you paused for a second to think about what you wanted to say before continuing to write. On to the next chapter.
| Shadowhound chapter 18 . 1/10/2007
So the trial is about to begin...
| Casey Drake chapter 21 . 1/9/2007
hmm. I'm not sure what to think right now.
| Shadowhound chapter 17 . 1/9/2007
Don't worry, I went to see the movie for more fuel to throw on the fire and it exceeded (if that's the right word) my expectations. It is definitely the worst movie of that year. Night at the Museum was a little bit better. If you have the chance, I recommend seing Children of Man. That was probably the best movie that came out last year.
Now for the actual review. Note, however, I won't say a lot of things because those questions will probably be answered in the next chapter(s).
That warning you gave about Guirand's new way of speaking to Karan in the beginning kind of spoiled it. You won't be able to do that in a published work, and it gives the reader too much of a heads-up about what is going to happen.
| nightdragon0 chapter 21 . 1/8/2007
It's noteable how everyone seems nervous around the Wyvern, except for Dornogin himself. I suppose when there's business and money to be made, mindsets could possibly change.
I guess when Anvar though he'd gotten over it, he'll be even angrier with Quirl.