Reviews for It's an American Thing
hey maria chapter 1 . 3/17/2007
I think the word "girls" is repeated too many times towards the end.

I love this poem. Freedom is relative.
smile persephone chapter 1 . 1/7/2007
I applaud you for your genius. You portrayed the message in a perfectly explicit way. This poem speaks volumes.
poet tree chapter 1 . 1/2/2007
I like the repetition and how you call the readers "girls". Oh so cynical. I quite like it.
SnoWhiteQueen chapter 1 . 11/11/2006
I really like this. It makes wonderful points.

adding a good "fucking" in there never hurts. It doesn't make it vulgar either.

A bit angsty(intellectual angst) but it keeps a good quality.
Stitch-Puppy chapter 1 . 11/10/2006
I can't really help you much with what's not so good as I'm not really an expert on this sort of work.

But I can tell you what I thought helped it.

Salty repeated.

The syntax remains about the same for many lines. For this work, it flows easier.

The lines were it differs are well placed so you don't have too many in a row.

I liked it. I got the point.

The one sad note that perhaps should have been addressed is that, according to millions of woman over the world, we are lucky to be able to have our faces show and make money even in these ways.

Because although it is sickening, it’s better then starving, being beaten or killed and having no one to even think it’s wrong.

I really did like however. And I do appreciate how you are showing how screwed up society is.

Much Love

no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 10/8/2006
Damn. The tone of this piece is fierce. The scathing sarcasm comes across very nicely, and some of the descriptive words in this were awesome ("white salty cum in white salty pearls staining red lips"). Nice. Keep writing! :)
LizardtheScribe chapter 1 . 10/3/2006
Nice imagery. You certainly got your message across. I like it.