|Reviews for Death to the Innocent|
| Erich Sturmburg chapter 1 . 1/19/2007
Hey there, Outlaw-2 here,
Took me a moment to notice you put one of my stories (Tokyo Battalions) on your alert list. I must thank you for that. Also, I do apologise for not replying that soon. Must have slipped off my mind. Anyway, onto the review.
This chapter is really mind-blowing; using the character's point of view, yet mixing with a bit of third-person perspectives. The calm before the storm of the story was fitting; slow yet meaningful.
However, the action part was a bit sluggish for my taste, though it did kept me interested. The battle was a little slow-paced somehow. You may want to decrease the amount of thoughts from your character and maximise more attention to the action. Most battles would make the character snap out from their thoughts and take more attention on fighting, unless there is something that distracts the character, which is usually their downfall. :P
Also, I spotted a spelling errors. Here they are...
1-"Only the 'dieing' whimpers of the devastated Watori rocked the silence"
The word you were looking for is actually "dying"
And, there is one thing; the character is 'God-like' in this chapter. For my stories, I've weakened my characters a bit, making them more vulnerable, and human (Most changes in Tokyo Battalions), unless stated, and unless they were in a humour point of view, where they gain invincibility. :P
Other than that, it was still a good prose.
Outlaw-2, The Forgotten Writer
| Pugz chapter 1 . 10/28/2006
Hey, i'm assuming this is the one you wanted me to have a look at and...wow...y'know it's just...fantastic, very discriptive and i hope to learn more about the character soon.
Keep it up ;)
| Adaku chapter 1 . 10/22/2006
You added me as your favorite author? Why? I know I shouldn't ask questions like that, but really why me? Anyway, onward to the story! I'll just tell you now that the three paragraphs are awesome. Actually this whole chapter was great! I'm still looking forward for an update in the next chapter and in the other story too. Till next time.
| Spirit Tigress chapter 1 . 10/5/2006
I'm sensing a killing spree coming up. This is so good. Sorry for not reviewing sooner!
aka Dark Revival