|Reviews for Rainbow Fish|
| the sacred night chapter 2 . 11/12/2006
Finally something that's being updated... recently I can't seem to find a good story that wasn't abandoned like months ago at least...
It wasn't actually lame at all. It was in fact, kickass. The main thing I would suggest would be to listen to people around you talk. The dialogue frequently sounds like it came straight from some new show on the sci-fi channel, not from someone's life. There's this overall sense of manufactured-ness about the dialogue, even though the narration parts are great. Don't feel bad about that, though, because dialogue is the bane of most writers' existences... it's pretty much the hardest thing to do. Just try not to imitate the dialogue you might've seen on TV, for TV writers are notoriously bad at dialogue (which ought to be their specialty, oughtn't it? strange world). Rather, listen closely to people in your life and what kinds of expressions they use. They're not going to be exactly what you want, because you've got a kind of military setting, but it'll be better than the sci-fi channel by a long shot.
I also think part of the whole sci-fi channel feel is that you've got them in a military setting, but they aren't being formal enough with each other for it to sound realistically miltaristic. You have them make cheeky remarks, swear at each other, and in generaly be really disrespectful, and then tack on a "Sir" at the end. I would advise that you choose between informality and formality, not try to mix them. If you want to make this army a laid back one, you can, although I'm not sure how long they'd last against the aliens if they were. If you want to make it uber formal like the present day military, then also go for it. If you want to go somewhere in between, even, you can definitely do it. Just don't make it informal and then add in a few token "Yes, Sir" phrases that don't really fit.
When I leave a review like this, I always feel like the author's going to think I hate the story. I don't. I love it. I'm just trying to offer suggestions because you said you were learning and I thought you might find them useful.
| The Great M chapter 2 . 11/11/2006
once again twas beautiful i think your doing a wonderful job and i can't wait for more :)
| Kelsey chapter 2 . 11/11/2006
Oh my fucken god this story is amazing, i have never read anything like it, i can't wait for you to update soon, awesome stuff :)
| magalina chapter 2 . 11/11/2006
... I wonder what happened with Ashton? Maybe this Ace guy knows something about that, yes? XD Im loving this story! Update soon please!
| the sacred night chapter 1 . 11/11/2006
Oh, the suspense!
I have to wonder, sort of, what the point of that whole scene with Ashton was if he was going to be killed off the same chapter and none of it would matter anymore. The family's concerns and issues do add to the story, because it makes the rest so much more shocking when it happens, but the forcible making out and being caught really seemed like it needed more of a reason to be there.
| Evinus chapter 2 . 11/10/2006
I actually really like this. i was kind of on the fence in the beginning because i'm not into Sci-fi, but the addition of Rogue made it really intresting.
| poet tree chapter 2 . 11/9/2006
I highly approve of this story! Rouge sounds HOT. Update...soon?
| Cookie Gestapo chapter 2 . 11/9/2006
Wow, I really liked this story.
I'm glad I started reading it (even if it is only on chapter two).
I look forward to the next chapter and really hope that this story is seen to the end (since most stories I end up reading, wnd up incomplete).
| usonaki chapter 2 . 11/9/2006
Great chapter! Good stuff!
Um…to be nit-picky and totally annoying (yes, feel free to hurt me now…) psychologists deal with emotions/feelings that kind of thing, psychiatrists are the ones that can tell you if you’re sane or not. .
But other than that, an awesome chapter! You have me so curious about what happened to everyone else…oh, and of course about who Rogue and Ace are. Can’t wait for the next instalment! XD
| Lady hispanic chapter 2 . 11/8/2006
*When Shaun is in the storeroom, and Rogue comes in and attacks him* When Rogue brushes Shauns stomach it says that Sebastian bite his lip. So...just thought id let you know. and i like it.
| Cattails chapter 2 . 11/8/2006
I seriously love Rogue! Then again, I always love bad guys like him... And Aesha's name is cool :P Poor Shaun...world gone, randomly attacked, forced to join the army... I can't wait for the next chapter!
| dark-chocolate-vampire chapter 2 . 11/8/2006
yay! chapter 2 _
this chapter was good, gave a little more outlook on how everyone acts XD
Rogue seems friendly :3 gotta have guys like him in stories
please update a.s.a.p!
| VioletGame chapter 2 . 11/8/2006
Good one! I absolutly LOVE Rogue. He sound so cool and sadistic but that's OK. The more twisted the better *giggle* Please update soon.
| ckhafre chapter 2 . 11/8/2006
I was just wondering... is he living in some simulation... hmm. Loved the new characters.
| Kristi chapter 2 . 11/8/2006
I like it. Can't wait to read more.