wicked im adding to my faves

Dark and moody. When other authors attempt this tone it usually ends up whiny and annoying. Congratulations...your above that and far better than the norm. I enoyed the brief intro and hope to see more soon.

You definitely have a clear purpose for this character, and her voice is very strong in tone and intensity. That's most certainly a good thing.

One thing to watch, as you continue and in editing this first chapter: make sure the things that your character says, and the way the character says them to the audience, are accurate to who the character is. This is the best way to create the illusion that the character is real. One thing that really stuck out is the third sentence. The character just told us that she is not beautiful, and we can choose to believe her. Then she describes her own eyes as "piercing," which to me sounds like a positive remark. I would never describe my own feature as "piercing"-it's the kind of word that an author uses to describe her character, not the kind of word that a 13 year old uses to describe her own feature after she's decided she's ugly.

The long paragraph might be easier for people to read if you break it up into smaller, more managable paragraphs. And don't feel the need to give everything away at once. Even someone writing in a diary fears someone will find it, and has to build trust with that book. She might not give everything away right now.

Sorry about this ridiculously long review. Good luck writing!

hey...good story!

wow, this story is really captivating so far. i can feel the pain of the main character. i'd like to read more of this.