|Reviews for Is this Freedom?|
| Heatless Flame chapter 1 . 11/7/2006
AHH! Such drama! How did the door close, I am now pondering. Is this a magician? I may or may not discover. However, excellent prologue and intro. Siega seems like an odd lady, so I shall be careful around her... well I'm off!
| diamond-dust08 chapter 1 . 10/20/2006
hi, time for another review! i hope you don't mind constructive criticism.
hmm. there was a misspelling of Siega: "Seiga’s neck hairs..."
"Ahh, so she finally, awakes." i feel that the comma here is either unnecessary or used erroneously. why not drop it, or rephrase it?
aside from these two minor errors i've found, i have no complaints at all in this story. the prose style was certainly a bit jerky, and it sounded a little plain (which can only be detected by reading it aloud) or average-no outstanding features, and that you seemed just reading from a textbook-but i know that this was just an experimental piece (or not?) and that the real story will come soon. oh, i really hope it is sometime soon! don't be too disheartened about what i said about the writing style; while i won't take it back (mainly because i wanted you know where you've done okay and not so you could improve), you have a very clear and solid flow of ideas, and that's something that you won't find from all authors in Fiction Press. you can describe a thing or what was happening quite fine, so the precise meaning you wanted to convey could be gotten across to the readers.
and that's saying something.
i will be adding you to my author alert list to eagerly await the real story behind all this. it surely seems interesting, especially when the prologue is set somewhere inside a dungeon, and with your grammatical prowess and clear prose this may actually prove to be a good read.
i'll be keeping watch,
| yellowStar chapter 1 . 10/17/2006
Ooh.. Nice.. I'd like to read more. It's got an edgy feel to it.. Hopr to see more soon. :)