Reviews for The Bane of Rendsberg Part II
Tawny Owl chapter 12 . 11/15/2009
Hah, I don’t empathise with Johann – he practically threw Lucifer out!

I like the fact that when Alteng forgives Olivier it will be sad for him to lose him – that’s a twist I hadn’t thought of because they always seem so hostile to each other. It made his forgiveness seem more heart felt. Even if Olivier was being selective with the truth he told.

Olivier’s comment about not being good with the lady kobolds made me laugh. And it’s probably just as well: no one want to be set up by the ghost of their uncle.

And there is hope for Hans as he has a family again, even if Lucifer has gone. This chapter does paint a very bleak future for Lucifer though as even kobolds who know him will reject him because of bigotry. With challenges like that do you ever give him a happy ending?
Tawny Owl chapter 11 . 11/8/2009
I see what you mean about it being angsty, but I’m glad you put it in. I think you needed the confrontation between Lucifer and his brother. Although I am disappointed in Johannes, even though I suspected he wouldn’t cope well with his baby brother being a vampire I didn’t think he would be so quick to reject that he was his brother at all and throw him out. As I’ve said before though I was expecting Lucifer to be back on the road by the end.

I did like Johannes initial reaction to Alteng’s injuries – he he, they really don’t like each other do they?
Tawny Owl chapter 10 . 10/4/2009
I like the way that Olivier can be drawn further into the world of the living by people acknowledging him. It makes the bleakness of a ghosts situation more apparent, but in a way it’s also true of living people too. Or am I thinking too much?

Enjoyed the detail of Lucifer being more at home with the candle too.

And I was liking Alteng. Using Hans like that was mean though, although mostly because it meant that Hans now knows what Lucifer is – and it’s not the most political way to break the news.

What was his game? – That reinforces that despite the fact that Lucifer is a vampire he is still an innocent in a lot of ways. The contradictions make him a more interesting character.

Not sure whether it’s a good thing that Hans passed out. On the one hand he didn’t see His guardian nearly kill Alteng. On the other hand he didn’t see him choose to back away either…..

And a sad ending, but I suspected it was coming so I am almost resigned. (Sigh)
Tawny Owl chapter 9 . 9/19/2009
It did seem lik a bit of a leap from Alteng being told Lucifer was unnatural to working out he was a vampire - even though you mentioned he had several days off investigating.

I liked Ther's reaction when he came back though - her expression of delight at seeing him may mean things aren't as hopeless as he suposes.

And Alteng's desire for a fight saves Lucifer for the time being. I would imagine that when his family find sout what he is he would have prefered Alteng to gte it over with while he was asleep. That wouldn't be as dramatic though.

Olivier is growing in me as a character as well. He seems like a harmless dodering elderly relative. he also seems very weak willed, but I imagine that's just because he has to serve Alteng and doesn't have a choice in the matter. I wonder if he'll still be able to help Lucifer ins ome way though.
Tawny Owl chapter 8 . 9/5/2009
Hehe – just noticed I’m over half way there.

Of course Lucifer likes Alteng, the bravado is kind of charming, especially when tempered with his shyness round the ladies. It balances his character out a bit.

Oh my, Olivier is a hard case though, a definite challenge for lucifer’s cheery optimism. I would have given up I think.

I liked Hans being referred to as a squire too. Kind of quaint, but also felt quite fitting for their relationship. Especially as they’ve been on a quest recently.

Although Olivier’s words could mean that they could be on the road again so. I’m keeping my breath baited.
Tawny Owl chapter 7 . 8/23/2009
Oh, bless. I don’t think we’ve seen Lucifer so torn up about being a vampire for a while. You managed to bring it all up without making him whiney as well, which is always a plus.

I was glad that he managed to find his way out of it without resorting to anything daft like running away.

I loved Johann waking up. There were some really good bits of description like the gluey eyes and the obnoxious sunlight. Your description does rambles sometimes but you also have really cool moments that make me jealous. And the kiss, hehe, priceless.

And I like Johann too – he’s the complete opposite of Hannah. He seems a very warm and light hearted person. I’m glad we’ve got to meet him properly.

It is only Hannah and me? He must remember Lucifer. What about the bonding?

The meeting was good though. Loved the way Lucifer came in backwards loaded down with trays. The more I read of this the more it feels like the characters are developing out.
Tawny Owl chapter 6 . 8/17/2009
Hehe – Alteng may be brash and grumpy but it looks like the girls still know how to sort him out. And the idea of him still trying to get Ther’s attention was quite sweet.

Nice to see Hans again as well. He is a bright spark.

How would you silence a ghost? I don’t envy Lucifer that? Or eating the food. I could imagine the look on his face.

We finally get to see Hannah though – which is unfortunate. I seem to remember Johann was the friendlier of the two. Oh well, let’s see…..

And she doesn’t remember him at all, even though she was eight. Hmm, a white lie, may be? She clearly feels something when she sees him.

Interesting to see the interaction between Oliver and Alteng – and the fact that Alteng is kind to Lucifer. I would have thought he’d be more inclined to mock, but it fits in with his feeling of loneliness and frustration you mention at the beginning when he is upset because ehe has no one to ask about wooing Ther.

An apologies - I've not been reading properly and thinking of Olivier as Oliver! feel free to smack me virtually!
Tawny Owl chapter 5 . 8/9/2009
ah, so Oliver is a pest and blind. Although if he is why was sil upset by him catching her in the bath.

There was a lot of information to process in this chapter, but it was quite interesting.

Gory backstory for Alteng, but the only child bit does explain why he is so proud. And william's was sad, but makes him seem like such a sweet heart.
Tawny Owl chapter 4 . 8/1/2009
so not a skeleton in the closet but the ghost in the library.

i enjoyed seeing more of the house, you make it seem gothic and cavernous and their is a clear change in atmosphere between the bits that are regularly lived in and the rest.

The way the ghost couldn't quite focus his eyes on Lucifer was interetsing as well. It made it seem like they were really seperated by realities or 'the veil'

The connection to the ghost to Alteng gives possibly glimpses of a secondary plot unfurling as well. I look forward to that...
Tawny Owl chapter 3 . 8/1/2009
I'm back - and finally review returning!

You are such a tease. I've been thinking about what form the siblings reunion will take, and now that it's not going to happen it's, urm, anti climatical, but in a good way almost because we are almost getting to learn about them through their friends. And it's more imaginative than either copius hugging or instant awkwardness.

The light hearted conversation with Sil and Ther was good as well. Ther does indeed seem very bright and cheery. Although it appears that Lucifer has lost the monopoly on the knowing winks to William. ;)
Tawny Owl chapter 2 . 7/13/2009
"Something happening wrong" it's when lucifer first enters the house, and I know what you mean but it seemed an awkward way of saying it. Maybe take out the happening and leave it as something was wrong?

After that though I enjoyed the description of the house, espeacially the dust and drime being unwillingly cleared away. ANd the mirror that was so filthy it no longer had a reflection. The house seemed like a truly macarbre place.

I did find it odd that you didn't just use teh word spiders though, you wrote around it alot and espeacially teh second time it made the prose seem clunky.

I love Hans' loyalty to Lucifer though. Inspite of him being away of Lucifer's oddities. He is such a sweet heart.

There were lots of cool details in this as well, like the stairs being cut for kobolds. You're very good at picking up on little things like that which give the race of the kobolds more depth. And Lucifer's other senses being scrambled by the bright light and him having to resist the need to attack.

And we get to meet Alteng. With his hooked hand and big name he looks like he has the potential to be quite a character. I did also enjoy Sil's humour and her teasing.
Tawny Owl chapter 1 . 7/8/2009
Going to be sad and start with a typo - Lucifer and his ward travel(l)ed for several of weeks – and you don’t need the of.

Liked Lucifer’s attitude to things that are built from nothing. It was a really believable cultural attitude for a Kobold.

And they were so close to meeting his brother, although it seemed like his sister in laws suspicions were very easily over come.

This chapter also raises a lot of questions and I can’t help thinking that Lucifer and Hans are walking into something less than good.

I did like Hans and his eternal optimism though. I can just imagine him bouncing up to the well with wide, curious eyes.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 12 . 2/8/2009
Wow. Simply wow. Well, since this chapter wasn't in the way of heartbreaking and terribly horrifying, I think I can articulate proper thoughts and sentences.

I'm so happy for Sil! Yeah, that was late. :P Uhm, the fight scene in chapter, ten, I believe, was awesome. It was just the ending that killed me. Chapter eleven was also good, but it was just too sad. You sure do know how to write a good drama. It was powerful, to say the least.

Well, that's very interesting to know that Hans is Alteng's somewhat distant cousin. Hmm, I don't know if that's going to bode well with the boy, though.

I just can't believe it! Just thinking about it, I can't wrap my mind around it! Lucifer is just . . . gone? Where did he go? Why couldn't anyone accept him? Why? I mean, he just wanted to be with his family and he was nice to everyone and can't they remember any of that? I want to go break something. Aah!

This was a great story, I have to get to part three right away. Wow. What a tale. I just gets better and better as the chapters progress. Great work.

Velvet.
VelvetyCheerio chapter 11 . 2/8/2009
You're seriously killing me here, just tearing my heart into little pieces. I don't know if I can continue . . . but I must. This chapter makes me want to cry!
VelvetyCheerio chapter 10 . 2/8/2009
WHY? no, you can't do this! T.T
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