|Reviews for My Shadow and Me|
| Lord Kelvin chapter 1 . 12/29/2006
The first story that made me chuckle before it started.
Got the first sentence right, congratulations. Usually, there'd be a problem in the very beginning, but you pulled through to the second one, yow. Try to read the second sentence aloud. You'll see that it's too long and too detailed.
The way you've introduced Chris' full name (scene with mother) was a tad fake, even with the lecturing tone, it doesn't sound real. However, the introduction with Daniel was more natural.
Hm...do lay off the pronouns when you introduce a character. I almost choked on "his".
Their dialogue was most interesting, but I'm a little concerned about it being realistic. Wouldn't two people talk of more general things at first, without digging that deep into details? It might be some special trait your staff has, and yet, that does not amuse.
I can see you and Microsoft are good friends, either that or you are owned by another office package. Let me tell you, you are allowed to have neologisms that will make sense to the audience without extra defining. "High-school-ers" is the case. You need only one dash here.
Regardless, I find no more obvious parts to complain about, but as long as I get some form of believable excuse or improvement within this "book cover" chapter, it might be a favourite.
Have a nice, abuse-free day.
| Ki chapter 6 . 12/25/2006
It's three in the morning. You can't leave the story there. YOU WILL REGRET THIS.
Yes. I love the entire story, I've been shamelessly fangirling Alex from the outset, and if you don't post another chapter very very soon I'll die.
| dreamerdoll chapter 6 . 12/24/2006
Oh, wow, this was a great chapter. And I can really relate to Daniel at the end; my other grandma doesn't like my syblings and i, and me even less. This christmas, she asked my aunt (who doesnt know us and asked for lists) what to get us, and some of it still wasn't something that was us...it really sucks, when someone is trying to do something right, but you can tell that they don't really care about you, just want you to care about them, just want to look good. it's depressing...and this chapter was good, but kinda depressing. LOL. Terrific job!
| downcastgirlnumerthree chapter 1 . 12/19/2006
Hey, you reviewed my story and I felt obligated to review yours; naturally I picked the first one. I'm not the type to simply review the first chapter pretending I read the whole thing - I only got to the end first chapter (I am in school at the moment) and I have to say I am not worthy! You said you have yet to prove superiority over me - I think you just did, honey! Like... WOW! Your characters are already so vivid and deep, but you're not overly wordy with them (I like that... sometimes people go on and that annoys me). Also I like that you don't put TOO much dialogue in (something I have a tendancy to do) but you're not afraid of it either.
I will read more once I get home! Thanks for the review!
| ShadowGal chapter 5 . 12/18/2006
I've been reading but not reviewing again; bad me. *scolds self* At any rate, though, I really enjoy this story so far, just as I'd expected to. The letters in this chapter were very amusing, and I can't wait to see what sorts of mischief, chaos, and drama Chris has brought upon himself and Daniel by giving out his address.
One note, however: Chris wouldn't say that Daniel's mom has been ringing. He'd say she's been calling. I have never, not even once, heard an American say 'ringing.' No other slang mess-ups that I've noticed in the story yet, though, so good job!
| Lemon Delight chapter 5 . 12/17/2006
I loved those letters to Santa and especially Daniels, though I feel bad that his card was all written over. Still, very entertaining
| multiples of six chapter 5 . 12/16/2006
Those letters to Santa were GENIUS. XD But the end there worries me.. :/
| dreamerdoll chapter 5 . 12/15/2006
NO! This is bad bad bad! So FREAKING BAD! He CAN'T! Make him give her the wrong adress or something. Have Daniel go home with Chris! ANYTHING!
anyway, update soon, please!
great job...the Santa letters made me laugh...they were amusing. Though one must feel bad for Daniel, who really had no clue what he wanted, and whose postcard was written all over. Poor guy...anyway, later!
| Globular chapter 4 . 12/3/2006
I do love Mark. He's all calm and sort of like an anchor for the group because everyone else is sort of crazy, except maybe Chris, so they are anchors together and wow, I make very little sense.
This is around the time when I start figuring out what couples are getting together. Often at the beginning of the story you sort of know except I can't tell right now. It makes me sad. Do give us some hints soon.
That's pretty much it. Hope you update soon.
| Globular chapter 3 . 12/3/2006
I just noticed that you have a lot of spunky (its a terrible word and reminds me of strange books I read in third grade but it'll do) girls in your stories and they pretty much rock.
Wow, Michael. I am guessing Daniel and Michael are twins and they had a little more than a platonic relationship? I honestly have no problem with twincest and have been known to melt into puddles of fangirly glee over well written twincest, but Michael is evil and bipolar.
It explains the mirror though. I mean, if you were in an abusive relationship with your twin brother, looking into a mirror and not knowing the difference between him and you would be traumatizing and things. I feel really stupid for thinking the mirror was some magical way for an evil entity to attack Daniel or something. I must remember to check the genres from now on so I'll feel like less of an idiot.
| Globular chapter 2 . 12/3/2006
I am doing this whole "review each chapter" thing that I rarely do. But good job at getting all the characters introduced. I am guessing that we are now familiar with all the major players?
Speaking of players, I love Alex. And Amber. And Mark. And umm...everbody I guess. I haven't mentioned Chris yet but yeah love him too.
So yep, not many constructive things to say, but I liked the chapter.
| Globular chapter 1 . 12/3/2006
I have been reviewing your stories under a lot of different aliases but I just got a account (feeling pretty accomplished here).
I love the fact that this is set in the 21st century and America (not that I didn't like your regency stories (I loved them) but I can connect to the characters so much more).
The dialogue seemed a little stilted at the beginning (especially with Chris' parents but they had like, what, two lines so it may be just me). But towards the end, it was a lot more...comfortable - and "gender-queer cat" has to be my favorite line.
Love Daniel. Timid, sorta characters paired up (platonically or sexually) with outgoing characters is always fun.
| Lemon Delight chapter 4 . 12/2/2006
I loved the dialogue for this even if it seemed like a pointless chapter but that's ok because I love you anyway and I know your inspiration has been low. Look at my lovely runon! Haha, anyway. Hope you find your muse soon!
| multiples of six chapter 4 . 12/1/2006
Amber is so cool! xD
| multiples of six chapter 3 . 11/28/2006
Awesome chapter. It explained a lot about Michael, and stuff.. and harbingers of chaos is such a cute name!
I'm sorry it took me so long to review by the way; my alerts were down!