That was really touching. Amazing story! Sad, but amazing. You're definitely a great storyteller. LOL

~Syn

WINNER! For completly domiinating the RM you get this prize!

I really liked this piece. Though the topic isn't new it was executed well. I especially like the introduction of the father and the small boy. It was a fresh way to get Krane to tell his story as opposed to narration or flashback. I also like how he went back to being "old man Krane." Sudden changes of heart are annoying.

Hope you like your prize!

Bubbles :P

Man, I miss your writing! I was just rereading 'Thief!' and I realised how much I still loved it. It's one of your best poems so far I think.

As for this one, it had one of the best beginnings I've seen you write. The initial narration/commentary is extremely good, and gave me a really clear mental image of this old man.

The dialogue was good, but not great to be honest. I know you were playing around with the language a little bit (stuff like t'my, breakin', 'em etc), but I don't think it was consistent enough for the reader to get a good idea of what the old man was meant to sound like. I like the first part of the dialogue, but as he started talking about more recent events involving his children, he kinda had a mood change that I didn't quite understand. It fitted with the ending of the piece, but not with the beginning of what he was saying. At the beginning it sounded like he hated his kids, and at the end of it he missed them. Maybe you could have implied the ending near the beginning of his dialogue with some adverbs or something...basically to make the transiion through the story a little more smooth.

I really liked the father of the little boy though, although I'm still not quite sure why! The message was nice and sweet though.

You got any poetry lying around? I would really love to read some. Btw, I was reading your profile and if you're looking for a beta, then I'm your woman!

I love this story. It's beautiful and sad, but something really strong behind the lines. Amazing piece.

Oh! So touching! Writing short stories takes a lot of talent, even more than chapter after chapter, in my opinion. And this one is excellent, because there are few characters, each person has a unique personality, and the story has a moral. Also, I loved how you wrote in the old man's voice. Those little details really make a difference. For example: "I had a wife once. Kids, too. Three of ‘em. Two boys and a little girl." instead of "I had a wife, two sons, and a daughter."

Kudos to you for this story!