now this is what I call art, I can totally see the kind of people who seek the attention so badly... anyway the words in this poem are really strong it gives an interesting feeling, the repetitions were really in place and helped, in my opinion, to strentghen the feelings you portrayed here. Thank you reallly much

I really agree with this. I have had problems in my life like every teen has, if not more since I have had to take care on my sister since I was little as she went through surgery and surgery. When I went to those hospitals, I would see all these kids my age, younger, older, all of them striving to live. They want to live and they can't. Yet so many are saying you want to die, when you can still live, how is that fair? The ones who want to live are dying and the ones who are living want to die. I'm sorry if I am upsetting anyone, but I am speaking from personal opinion. I have a friend who I met a few years ago. She got really depressed and tried to kill her self, and i had to take care of her, because I was the only one who stayed by her side. in the end I could only feel angry and feel pity for her. I am not her friend anymore. So I just want to say, I agree with this poem. You guys are a self-made victims, everybody's life sucks at some point. You just have to suck it up and try to live through it. Anyways, good job on this poem. I think you sent a much needed message. :)

Great poem.

there's a lot of hate and spite in this piece.

it works, but that doesn't make it a beautiful piece.

the repetition kind of killed it, for me.

too much repetition.

Wow! That took my breath away. You took the words right out of my mouth and made them beautiful. The sad things is that a lot of people in the world do victimize themselves. They neglect reality, cry, whine and exaggerate their problems. Pain is not something that is sadistically beautiful or something to take pride upon. The worst part is that people who do suffer tremendously don't get the attention that they deserve and are often overlooked. Writing angsty suicide poetry is not a cry for help, it's a cry for attention.

Yeah, I'm rambling but I think that this had a good message and you really are correct.

YOU ARE SO DEEP! I HAVEN'T READ YOUR REVIEWS JUST TO SEE WHO HONESTLY CAN ADMIT THAT THEY HAVE PLAYED THE VICTIM, BUT I TRULY HAVE SAID THESE THINGS AND ALSO FELT LIKE EVERYTHING WAS SO WRONG EVEN TO CUTTING. THEN I REALIZED I WAS BEING SELFISH TO MY DAUGHTER AND MYSELF FOR FEELING THAT WAY. BUT TO READ THESE WORDS GIVES ME A DIFFERENT OUTLOOK.

That was absolutely brilliant. The repetition of words emphasized the strength of their meaning. I like how you also brought back the words you repeated, again in the end and I like your constant use of the word victim (regardless of that being the name of the poem). Your rhythm remained unbroken and I like how you used such simple words to carry such a powerful message. If you can, this is definitely a piece for a contest or for publishing in a magazine...keeping in mind the audience your submitting it to (in regard to its somewhat controversial nature).

Wow. This is probably one of the most powerful pieces I've come across, not just on F.P., but probably in all the things I've read(and that's saying something).

The repetition is excellent - it really gets your point across, and emphasizes the entire poem into something ...'MORE' than just the average poem. Word choice is simple but extremely effective - I was really drawn into this. The comparisons and reasons you've made are brutal, harsh, but purely honest and true. And I respect that, that you aren't afraid to write something that may offend certain people, but I have to say that this is perfect, perfect, perfect. To the point and completely raw and original. I LOVED this. (yes, this is going on favs)

I really don't know how to express my thoughts on this. Words are just NOT enough. Amazing poem. Brilliant.

You know... I think those who at least post their works online are not exactly victims in a sense. I think the "victims" will be the ones who actually killed themselves. I mean, look, they're still alive and typing. I think writing is just an excellent medium for people to express their thoughts and feelings. Although some poems about people wanting to kill themselves may seem like they "whine" a lot about life, writing is healthy.

I realized that this poem was written a few months back, do you still think this way? Or is this poetry piece to mock (can't think of the word) others who think this way? P

I didn't like the repetitions. It seems like they were put there for the sake of the pattern.

I don't agree completely. I think there are some people who do 'victimize' themselves. But I don't really think we can judge unless we've been in that situation. I think sometimes all we see is someone who's blessed but we don't see their actual problems. We want to believe they're just babies because we've never been through that and seeing it isn't as bad as living through it. Although sometimes victimizing themselves is the truth. It's a complez world of knots.

Suicide is asking for help. It saying you want attention that you NEED attention, even. I don't think someone can just say people who think about committing suicide are victimizing themselves. It's just pain and harsh emotions. Some people deal with them, or learn to, and others I think can't or won't. We can't change it, and it's selfish to be mad at someone who commits suicide. It's their own life, they should have the option of taking it. I don't think it should be over a stupid decision, but then again it's their life.

That was great. As a wise (well, actually he was very prejudiced, but whatever) fictionpress user once said, "There is no such thing as a true emo. If they are actually emo, they would have killed themselves already." But anyway, I agree. Not harsh, just true.

You're correct, that was risky to put on Fiction Press. I do agree to some point, as I know several people who totally victimize, but quite frankly, I don't know the people who write depressing stuff. Who am I to judge if they are worthy of complaint or not? I'm not one of them, so... yeah...

I'm not going to go on about flow and stuff because although I have written a few poems, I'm far from an expert.

Anyway, I can see some truth behind it. Good work.

Message from the Sercus~

Wow. I was like that, then I realized that was retarded and I grew up. I think you speak a brilliant message here and it's truthful while being tactful. Honestly, if people think this is harsh, they'll cry if I ever decide to write about this topic. You were artful in your approach to this and I certainly respect you turning your message into a poem. I think you did very well with this.

~Cirien Phoenix

Thanks so much for reviewing "Ode to Dasani." You're absolutely right about my grammar. Normally I catch these things, but this time I was slacking. Thanks so much for pointing it out and I will try to correct that in the next 24 hours. Thanks for your honesty and excellent grammar abilities!

I don't really know what to say.

I don't really agree.

Then again, I don't really disagree.

Some of the thoughts pursued here are kind of dropped off, though.

As a piece of writing, some of the word choice doesn't really fit. sucks doesn't really work in here. Other than that, I'd say it's a good piece ofwork.

As an idea, I don't know.

I just really dont know

Preach it - some people just need to grow up. Then again, it's understandable that many poems come out of powerful emotions. There's a balance. Some people need to just get out of the mire of self pitty, others could really use a friend. But in any case, the point isn't to perpetuate the angst but overcome it. You make a good point that people, especially many so called poets need to hear.