Reviews for Daddy Please No
softer side of apples chapter 1 . 1/7/2008
AW ALTHOUGH I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THIS WITH MY DAD I FEEL A SADNESS... GREAT READ..
Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 11/2/2007
Another sad piece. Child abuse is always horrific.

~Twilight Starr~
Robinson888008 chapter 1 . 6/18/2007
Very disturbing. Like your username, it's is very haunting, very miserable. Very good.
jay girl chapter 1 . 3/2/2007
i like this story it shows that there are kids that are abused and have no why of getting out of it.
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 12/12/2006
I love the ending... its powerful and sums the whole thing up.. its not your best poetically but its full of emotion and extremely powerful
Alena D'Etoiles chapter 1 . 12/4/2006
Whoo, 100! I only have...lets see...77 (?) I think. Working on it, tho! Lol. Okay, ANYWAYS, very nice poem. You have a very nice style, and I like the way you format your stuff. It's cool. _ But, on a differant note, I really do relate to this poem. I have a friend in this kind of situation, so, yeah...it hits home. Very nice work.
Chaos Apple chapter 1 . 11/7/2006
Well, I'm in the mood to type and so-this review might be long winded and dragged out and boring, but I really want to expmail what I think about your situation and what I think of the poem.

SITUATION-I've been through this, baby, at a time when I was small and frail and had no one to help me but I made connections and it all went away and it stopped and I was SO happy. I'm not saying that I know anything about your life-I don't. I'm just advising getting help-but only if this is a regular occurence. If this doesn't happen too often, but it really messed you up, don't get the police or anyone involved-deal with it in your own way...through your writing. No sense in crying over spilt milk...at least, not in the open. But feel free to weep out words onto the computer screen-I'll read them and help you (if you want help, advcie, etc.)

PEOM-I think that this could be much better, but understand that the only reason it's not great is because you're writing about somehting too presonal...you need to be able to distance yourself from your topic, and obviously you're not ready to do that. That's ok though, no one expects you to just up and get over this experience. Take your time and write as much as you want. It won't be your best but that;s all you can expect. In time, I'm sure you can go back over this poem and change things.

unbold some words, add more detail and feeling to it. To me it was just words on paper, even though I understand that it obviously means more to you.

Great attempt.

Feel free to contact me if you want.

AIM: alice is dying69

EMIAL:
Rosanna28 chapter 1 . 11/4/2006
Very intense poem. It's not your best, but still good! I hope it isn't as personal as I think it is :-) Great job on this!

Much love, Rosanna.
a lonely september chapter 1 . 10/31/2006
this is so freakin sad. i dunno how anyone could tear apart summin this sad apart. im sorry.
Annaece's Forsaken Corpse chapter 1 . 10/28/2006
Ok just a warning: I’ve been acting out weird all day…this is prolly going to end up being a long-ish review. I hope I don’t seem egotistical…I’m just trying to help your writing improve…that is what this site is for…so please don’t be offended by criticism…



i liked it...but i think when someone writes something as personal as this...the reader should be able to feel the writer's pain...& if i'm honest i don't really feel much emotion coming through this... the last bit of the poem being completely bolded bothers me. bolding is used to make a point stronger, but when you use too much it loses it’s meaning…there were too many lines that really would have gone better without the bolding…

I’ll admit…my dad has never laid a hand on me…why? because I don’t live with him & I think he knows he’ll be in major shit with my mom if he does…my mom barely hit me when I was little…but enough that I can remember the fear of her coming after me with a belt.

Over a year ago i wrote a piece dedicated to my dad…& that piece was horrible. It was ridiculously long, stupid, and it had the most awkward verses…basically it was a horribly written rant. This is better than what I wrote…but I really think you could have added so much more detail to it...mine was too long & in my opinion, yours is too short. You need to try and pull out emotion from that fear. Don’t just write down what happened…try to incorporate what you felt…the fear, sadness, shame – whatever to make the piece seem more real.

‘I know I shouldn’t have liked that boy daddy…please forgive me!’ there’s nothing wrong with that line…but when it’s followed by ‘As I run up the stairs I can hear you’ it seems awkward…you have a lot of potential to write really powerful poems. Work on adding more details, feelings, thoughts – whatever to make your works seem more real. Again, I’m not trying to seem like I know everything because I know my pieces aren’t that well written…& I know there have been plenty of poems that could’ve had more detail…
queenvixta chapter 1 . 10/28/2006
Whoa...well hell of a powerful piece. Very well written. Totally blew me away, it was just so...real. Great poem honey, and thanks for sharing.

x Vix x
give me back my childhood chapter 1 . 10/28/2006
this is so sad. ): it was pretty simple but it turned out great. I liked the first part a lot though! how the person can still call someone who hits her "Daddy". oh so tragic.
The Mad Gastly chapter 1 . 10/27/2006
So sad yet so beautiful. This is a great piece of work.

Xel~
Trouble maker 101 chapter 1 . 10/27/2006
Very sad I had tears in my eyes when I read it. Well writen. Keep up the great work.