|Reviews for Only Ran Into a Door|
| Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 2/6/2007
Hi. I'll review your poem in just a moment. Before that, I'd like to ask if you could write an article for Burnt Bread's Stop the Press newsletter. Said newsletter has stalled due to lack of submissions. I'm trying to rally people to fix that.
Okay, enough about that. Here's the review:
1) At very first, I thought this would be a poem about writer's block. It swiftly changed into something very different. Although I liked the end result, but the first two paragraphs felt a little bit awkward. Especially the rhyme in the first paragraph. Nothing serious, but I thought I might as well note it.
2)"and, god, when we" and "that and screw him" Those make the poem feel a little more honest. They reinforce the point of view it's coming from. Nice.
3)"first place because/they aren’t going/away but you could/if you cross him/even one more time" Good line. There's kind of a headlong rhythm to your poem. No periods. No full stops. Just a plunge through the words. It works really well.
4)"of yourself because/are so much" I think you need a 'you' before the 'are'.
5)"because you,/decked out in your/blue and black," Nice line. And you avoid rhyming.
6) Keep writing. This was good.
| CHIIJOY chapter 1 . 12/21/2006
I love this since I feel that way sometimes (aka most) plus you end in off in such a slinkster cool way that I could only review and say that it rocks my socks right off my proverbial toes. (Hehe don't mind the word proverbial I just like using it a lot now). Great job! )
| DeathMetal18 chapter 1 . 12/19/2006
I liked it. it was...inspiring?
| Durandel chapter 1 . 12/4/2006
... I can't say anything about how good this poem is. If this was inspired by your writers Block then I can't imagine how good you are when out of it... It was amazing, better than any other poem I've read.
| little boy on her bike chapter 1 . 11/27/2006
this is beautiful. sort of how i feel, but i'm not a very good writing so it's hard for me. thanx for putting it into words for those of us who can't.
| Hardtoremember chapter 1 . 11/18/2006
wow. so much suppressed emotion, such a good image. i mean i can only guess what this is about, although i have a good idea, but it is written with such raw feelings.
the first verse struck me with being the best similie that i've seen in awhile. an author afraid to write - something that every author experiences, maybe because they don't want to expose their true feelings on paper so that everyone can see.
| Niels Stegeman chapter 1 . 11/16/2006
A good and beautiful poem and I actually liked the title. It seemed appropriate somehow. Good work indeed.
| Sakka-Fenikkusu chapter 1 . 11/9/2006
Wow. Beautiful, full of emotion, and a delight to read. Great job, Fee.
| rach5678 chapter 1 . 11/8/2006
I realy like this one. Its just...wow. :]
| kenansense chapter 1 . 11/4/2006
Wow, you definitely have talent. Please keep writing!
| Elliptical Shapes chapter 1 . 11/3/2006
Cool piece of work, Bax. You've done well here, I wish I was as talented as you at your age.
Well, I probably was, but we'll never know.
| SirScott chapter 1 . 10/31/2006
I really enjoyed this poem. Most writers suffer from writer's block from time to time.
| Moondog Dozier chapter 1 . 10/31/2006
This is a wonderfully developed, sadly prevalent situation. You've detailed the affect of abuse, and the struggle of those around them to understand and address the issue. I like how you've given a voice to surviving a tragic situation. It is difficult to watch and see how abuse ravages not only the body, but the mind and the soul of those affected. Well written, caring example of a tragically all to realistic situation. Good work. MD:77.
| brokendreams21 chapter 1 . 10/30/2006
I really like the meaningful concept in this poem. It's got so much meaning...and in the sadder, darker way (as usual). I liked how it was written like an introduction in an essay (well..bad example, eh?). Lemme rephrase. I liked how it resembled a decrescendo sign on the music. It went from vague-ish to dead specific without actually stating what it was that you were writing about. I like that. It makes me think. Which is good. The title is creative. I don't actually think there is anything wrong with it...down...down...down...light! (Thus, the pattern.) That means that I liked the last stanza for the rays of hope shining through (although it didn't sound quite as cheesy as the way I put it.) Awesome job!
| Spirit Tigress chapter 1 . 10/29/2006
As I've said many times before, another great piece. Interesting topic: squirrels and writer's block.