|Reviews for Walking into a Life called Cliché|
| hears-wakes chapter 2 . 10/30/2006
Ok, you are so good at dialog and capturing the teenage mood, but Ah! Rachelle! There's like a million and one characters in this story! And none of them get developed until the middle of chapter two when we at least get a fleeting glimpse at James. You need more aside stuff like that from the beginning. Instead we get our heroine (I'm guessing) and her entire family but don't really have any reason to care about her, and then she gets swallowed up in the sea of me and my 18 friends. I definately think you should start the story with a conflict, not a perfectly happy morning. We need to be grabbed by this character. In fact we really need that with all the characters. And seriously I don't think you can hold a book together with so many people.
But like I said, the dialog is spot on and feels very real. This feels like it could be happening in any high school to any group of friends, but that's just the problem. We need some drama and we need it from sentence one.
Just my two cents, ;)