Reviews for Some Verses
TheGlycoprotein chapter 1 . 10/18/2011
The first and last verses are most certainly my favourites, maybe because I relate to them very strongly. I the word choice - especially the contrast between the black and the white in the third verse. I also liked the first two lines of that verse, it really conveys... almost a bitterness. Whatever it is, it's powerful.

Great work :) If you have a moment, please take a look at some of my stuff. If you have more than a moment, please review :)
lookingwest chapter 1 . 6/22/2011
Word Choice- I wanted more from the word choice throughout the poem. There wasn't a lot there that was a unique use of wordage or even really a unique rhyme, and I would have liked a little more there to pull in my interest or make me think "oh well that was different!" and it didn't exactly capture me in that way.

Description/images- I liked the image of the notepad, but then I'm thinking yellow paper in a notepad and I think you could have done more with the color splash there. That being said, you do describe words on paper in the third stanza with "words-black, white" there, and I like that because it's simple stark colors for this poem that's kind of about being tired of writing poetry, in a way, so therefore the tired colors of black and white reflect that. I liked the double-meaning there.

Subject- The subject is one that's definitely been done before, but I think it's more therapeutic for the author than really having to do with enlightening the audience, so I respect that it might have helped to get this all out as a writer. Therefore, I also found the subject matter relatable. It's not doing a whole lot for popping or creativity in language, but it doesn't have to, either, I just think it's cool that you have a subject here that others can instantly sort of recognize of something they've also been through.

Punctuation and grammar- Unlike one of your earlier reviewers, I can see why you might have chosen to do this poem in all lower-case. Whenever I use it I use it to emphasize the idea of smallness or unimportance, and I kind of feel like using un-capitalized "i's" and everything, reflects the idea of feeling small or unimportant in the grand scene of writing or poetry, especially in lines like "my words are a waste of paper", that kind of thing. The device of not using punctuation for this also makes me think of a theme that it might never end, or that it's something everyone can relate to and will always continue, therefore it doesn't need a period to complete it, etc. So I really liked what you did there, even if that wasn't your intention, but that's kind of the fun thing about poetry is that it can be so open to everyone, and I enjoyed that.
this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/20/2011
I liked the repetition, especially in the first and last stanzas because it worked very well to create the effect on readers you intended. I did think the content was a little bland-that is to say, while the purpose of the piece was there, it felt a little tired and overdone, and you didn't specifically bring anything new to the table.
its.Nothing.Special chapter 1 . 6/22/2007
(-cowers-) Don't eat me! I am so so so SO sorry for not reviewing sooner, but I've been in Washington D.C this whole week..end of school trip with no internet. I would've reviewed last week, but I have hardly been on the computer because of packing/preparing/excitement. Gahs. Really sorry about that. But it was my first time on an airplane, darn it! :P

Kay, so I actually really liked the premise of this poem. Very relatable topic, very relatably written. I really liked the choppy flow of the first three lines...they tied in very well with the subject of the poem.

"when i get the ideas flowing,/one stray thought changes the course of events" Ugh. Seriously. You really have a way of relating your frustration with your readers...not to sound unduly repetitive or anything. xD

"making colors with words-black, white, pink" I don't really understand why "pink" would be mixed in there. It might symbolize a brighter, cheerier side to writing, but I don't think it fit well there.

The conclusion was very well-handled, and the poem over-all was great. Very interesting.


(latelatelatepersonfrom reviewers_found)
Lady DreamWriter chapter 1 . 6/18/2007
Writing is sometimes hard to do. But your words, like your thoughts and feelings, are never a waste. You don’t have to rhyme in order to write poetry, all you have to do is write from your heart. It is the emotions with the poem that will make your work beautiful. Never ever doubt that. It is only when you give up and stop writing will you fail. True beauty comes from within. I loved the description and the emotions that were in this short piece. You’ve done a great job and I can’t wait to read more of your work.


(From Reviewers_Found)
addicted2cocoa chapter 1 . 6/18/2007
Interesting poem, I liked the subject of the poem.

In the second stanza the repetition of 'tired' is very effective, reinforcing the subject matter and making the reader aware of the state of mind of the voice in the poem.

Personally, I didn't like the lack of punctuation throughout the poem. Your poem had one full stop at the end and one comma at the end of a sentence (stanza 2). Either leave out all punctuation or put it in, your use of it in the poem just seemed random and detracted from the poem.

I liked the line 'i work my pen, but my hand writes something else'. I also liked the repetition of 'waste' in stanza 3.

It was interesting to read this poem but I didn't really feel like the poem caught my attention. Your use of language while at times was interesting, at others it seemed very lacklustre and the emotions watered down.

I also write poetry so I can understand how difficult it is to get your words across, so good effort.


McQuinn chapter 1 . 6/17/2007
A few questions and comments before I discuss the subject of the poem:

Why don't you capitalize? There are a lot of people on fictionpress that have some sort of fetish for not capitalizing anything in their poetry. Is there some kind of e.e. cummings fan base within fictionpress of which I'm not aware? :p

You write that you are "tired of rhyming," yet you do it in the third stanza, at the end of the second and fourth lines. (Just noticed you do it in the fourth stanza as well.) "Pink" is jarring in that stanza, not only because it rhymes (whereas the second and fourth lines in the previous two stanzas do not rhyme), but because you state that you make pink "with words." I understand making "black and white" with words, but I think pink is too forced. I feel as if you just put it in there for the sake of rhyming it with "ink."

half of them are only half done - I'm not quite sure what you're referring to in this line. Too ambiguous.

half hearted - should be hyphenated.

i found this one - do you mean this poem? If you do, I think you should mention poetry within the last stanza, instead of writing ambiguous words like "them" and "those."

Onto the subject matter itself...I liked this. I enjoyed seeing the difficult side of writing and the joy one gets after something is complete. "My Verses" doesn't only describe *your* verses, but those of all your fellow writers.

I also liked the simplicity of the summary. Sometimes it is the brevity of the summary that entices and draws readers in. Your summary did just that for me.

Overall, despite my above questions and comments, I enjoyed reading the poem. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

atlasaire chapter 1 . 6/17/2007
Okay... so I'm not really good with poetry but I'll try on this one:

This shows every writers problem: writer's block

The second stanza shows the frustration you have. It's like you're trying to think of something but when you write, something completely different pops out.

The third stanza shows that you are really trying to say something unique, but it keeps on turning out wrong. And by the very fourth stanza, where it looks like you're about to give up, you realize that you've made something special after all.

I like this poem, it's like a mini journal, a portal into your mind or something.
Moondog Dozier chapter 1 . 1/4/2007
This really captures some of the frustrations of writing very cleverly. Well thought out, and developed. Excellent work.
Dots Mgeez chapter 1 . 11/27/2006
hey, it's pretty good
Crossing the Rubicon chapter 1 . 11/23/2006
I really like this, and the repitition of "half" in the last stanza is perfect. Good work.
criti-sized chapter 1 . 11/13/2006
Hey, I'm trying to catch up with my reviewing. A death in my family set me back for awhile, but I'm able to review right now.

This was a very nice poem. The words in it were very nicely put together, and the truth of them were very intense. I liked how you mentioned the ryhming and how frustrating that writing anything can be by itself.
HawkDancer chapter 1 . 11/10/2006
I like this one too! It sounds like something I do... Write, get through half-way, and hardly ever finish. A waste of paper. .