|Reviews for Kind of Fire|
| Hayaji chapter 1 . 11/4/2006
Wow, it's no wonder that you got full credit. The descriptions in this were very vivid, and you managed to combine poetry and fiction quite well. Your last paragraph especially was strong, as well as the poem in the middle of the piece. I like how the poem physically shrinks and enlarges as you use more or fewer words throughout.
My biggest suggestion would be to watch your adverb count. Briefly, slowly, reluctantly, lovingly, gently, etc. Adverbs are good when use sparingly, but when used in excess, they will weaken your writing... they're like the easy way out! My challenge to you is to try and cut out /at least/ half the adverbs in the story and replace them with different descriptions- I know you can do this, because you have some beautiful descriptions like Paragraph 6 (starting with "The scream pierced...") that don't have a single adverb in them, and you know what? Those are your best descriptions :)
Finally, a nitpicky. End your story with a single period instead of an ellipsis. The language itself leaves the reader with that feeling of foreboding... you don't need punctuation to do that as well. It is stronger to let the language do the job.
A pleasure to read; thank you for submitting this!
| DesertRose2450 chapter 1 . 11/3/2006
Wow, that was really good and beautifully written. This was awesome. GREAT JOB!