|Reviews for Coffee Lace|
| tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 8/15/2009
Wow, this is absolutely stunning! Great imagery.
I would love opinions from a talented writer like yourself on my work, it would mean a lot to me!
| Basic Ignorance chapter 1 . 3/23/2008
this is an interesting poem
i especially like the last stanza
it certainly paints a picture but it is a little hard to decipher the story
| lomz chapter 1 . 2/23/2008
i like this possibly more than some of the other stuff of yours i've read - it's simple but written beautifully and it all comes together in the last stanza
question though about coffee lace? i get the impression that you don't mean something like her teeth are laced with coffee.
| Kazuki Mishima chapter 1 . 7/1/2007
This piece is a great portrait of a Monday morning. Personally, I'd try to do something crazy with the capitalization here, but that's just me.
| xDancingintheRainx chapter 1 . 4/2/2007
I really enjoyed this piece. The imagery was excellent and you worded this piece so gracefully. After I finished reading it, I wanted to read it again. I especially loved the last six lines. You made such an everyday scene seem so beautiful and delicate. Lovely job!
| ronshaberry chapter 1 . 2/3/2007
Hello, hello again! So I like how you play with words and phrases of the norm... flipping the around, tweaking them. Such as - "newest paper" "tell the time for running late". I especially like the latter that I pointed out, it kind of gives me the feeling of the character... She's delicate, she's calm, she's authoritative enough to be able to even tell of time. Awesome! One funny break I found was "fingertips chilled/having to scour the" between chilled and having. I mean, your whole poem is pretty consistent with the being grammatically correct, then you spring such an abrupt fragment thing on me! I might suggest adding an "at" or something after chilled... Well, you don't have to take my suggestion. Still, it's something you might like to look at and maybe adjust. Well, I really did enjoy this one. It has such the monday-morning-and-coffee feeling. It has at once a conciseness (is that right? oh well) and chill thing to it that definitely am very appreciative of.
| bitterlyysweetchoco chapter 1 . 1/10/2007
Nice and simple! I like this one. Not anything bad to say about this peice so...
| On The Esplanade chapter 1 . 12/3/2006
This is a very pretty piece you have here. It's very simple and bare yet very delicate and full of imagery. Good job.
| Dani P chapter 1 . 11/30/2006
I really enjoyed this poem. It was written in such a way so it flows, nothing cut up about it.
Great work, I love your style
| Unready chapter 1 . 11/10/2006
hm-I'd like the final stanza more if it was just a straight haiku, with just 5 syllables instead of the 6 you have there. I won't go into any analysis having learned my lesson, and I suppose you're content with the standard Fictionpress "It was good" review.
And now, having thought about it, I really don't like the errors, stupid, stubborn me. Thanks for the criticism.
| Talyth chapter 1 . 11/7/2006
:) This is very delicate and... how to say it. "Complete"? It's very self-contained, I mean. Just a little vignette. I think the last stanza is what pulls it together that way.
Hehe... I have to admit though, that I shuddered when I read "monday morning" (don't we all P).
I think that that effect works well though, with the poem. Kind of jarrs you back to reality, after such an ethereal description. The contrast is striking.
And thanks for the review. I happened to delete that poem though. I only salvaged one phrase. Anyway, keep up the beautiful writing.
| lackluster chapter 1 . 11/6/2006
the summary is what made me read this, because people watching is fun, even though it really isn't about that.
anyway, this has a really great rhythm to it. i love the first stanza the most.