Oh I like this! It may not be perfect, but in my opinion you do have a lot of potential! I like your style, with the whole () effect. With everyone writing about masochists and lesbians and hurt and lust, I found this brillant for showing a girl faking it all...it's somehow refreshing, and I loved the part "(and you two are short a fake sadist; this equation isn't balanced)". Great work! Love, Mia

first off, i love the summary & just the brilliancy (is that a word?) of "smears illusions on your body". wth, i would have never conjured that idea. also, i jsut hate the word 'sadist' ... the whole meaning behind the word just makes me wonder ... why?

don't force yourself to write anything someone else wants you to, or in any style, setting, mood, whatever. write the way it comes out, and the rest will follow.

(trust me)

anyway-

I thought that this was spectacular. he's drinking posoin and dripping it through his teeth in lies and acts and intermissions-masochism is just to beautiful to leave alone, isn't it?

(your one of the few riters who can bring my emotions zooming to the surface and make me feel again)

"he sips on vodka and mercury" - Basically, he is sipping poison [because mercury is so not good for you], and I love that opening because it details the bits of him that are ugly and then, when it is all over, you understand WHY.

Guh.

"& you are enamored by his talk of pain while / he kind of likes your talk of pain, but talk / doesn’t make a masochist (and you two are / short a fake sadist; this equation isn’t balanced)" - I love that fucking stanza. It is amazing and written well and, damn, if talking about pain doesn't make a masochist then what doe-Oh. Right; love of pain. Got it. Hahaha.

Lovely. So. Much. LOVE.

"(girl, you’ve led a fucked up life but right / now you’re fucking everything else up)" - Girl, you just dipped my heart in awesome. I want your babies now.

So, uh, yeah. This poem rocked; its bitter and twisted and like gravel stuck in my shoe. Its beautiful. BEAUTIFUL. :D

Seriously, this is such a fav and, oh, it is pretty.

"(you might've even dated her,..." GRR. So. Fricken. AMAZING.

- Noelle

I liked your use of imagery, esp the line "and smears illusions on your body".

You did very well portraying the male character- his nonchalant and aloof approach to sex was very well described.

I especially liked your allusion to chemistry. :)