Reviews for Hellbound
Freddy Teddy chapter 24 . 7/21/2008

I don"t know what to say...



...I'm too shocked for words...
Removed01 chapter 24 . 7/14/2008
Lol, I'd say I'm interested in reading the limey one-shot... but I already read it! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Damn sis, this chap was so dramatic, I was like NO! ASMY! LILY! WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TA DEM? But y'know, I won't comment on that in case someone reads this review...

Bet no one can wait till it gets to the "best" part, nay? X3

Best Wishes from Biggy
bela13 chapter 24 . 7/11/2008
is this your ending? some would stop it here others would do a follow up... just wondering
Sadie chapter 24 . 7/9/2008
OMG, you NEED to update in the next 24 hours! I go away for 4 weeks tomorrow, and i CAN'T wait that long wondering if Asmodeus wakes up or not!

on a more calmer note; brilliant story! wonderfully written, very original :)

great job!
chocochip7 chapter 24 . 7/8/2008
ah! please don't kill asmodeus! i you a pie! yes, i will bake you a pie if you don't kill him.

c'mon i'm offering pie!
KiraLove chapter 24 . 7/7/2008
Damn you for leaving it like that! I can't take the pressure!

-Kira Love
violet-eyez chapter 24 . 7/7/2008
is he going to die and i would like to read a one shot of Lucious and Ana
Kay chapter 15 . 7/7/2008
Something is setting my teeth a little on edge when I read this. I know I'm not at the most current chapter yet, and you may have changed your style by then, but I've noticed you don't vary your sentence structure. Maybe one or twice you'll have a dependent clause, but I can't think of an example. The vast majority are simple sentences, and that kind of writing gets very machine-gun after a while. "Run dog run. See dog run. Jane sees the dog."

You should try varying the sentence structure; if you just Google "sentence structure" you can find examples. It would just give more flow and maturity to the writing if there were compound and complex and compound-complex sentences thrown in there. Using only simple makes the writing seem much more amateurish.

I am enjoying the character development though, especially to see how you've set up the hierarchy in Hell. The constant positions of 1st prince, 2nd, etc., being replaced with new princes each time someone dies rather than having 2nd ascend to 1st, is a concept I haven't seen before.

Though I'm wondering more of what the overall plot is going to be, besides Asmodeus just living with Lilith and causing trouble; is there an antagonist out there who's going to make a singular problem they've got to deal with? The things they've been going through have seemed a bit serial so far. I suppose I will have to keep reading.
Kay chapter 8 . 7/7/2008
The story has been interesting so far, the interaction with Asmodeus's brothers especially, but starting with last chapter something is really throwing me off. Since you've started doing perspective changes, from Lilith's 1st person to Asmodeus's 3rd, you need to have scene breaks inbetween the POV switches. It's very jarring to have to orient to the new POV without any kind of official insert between the scenes. FicPress often gets rid of hyphens, but even one hyphen between the POV changes would be better than a seamless switch. In the FicPress editor you can also insert a line that will go all the way across the page.
lostlette chapter 24 . 7/5/2008
OMGOSH! I love this one. and I would love to read a one shot about ana and lucious.
The Innocent Demon chapter 24 . 7/5/2008

Asmodeus can't die... i guess I will just have to wait and see what happens...

Keep up the good work.
mapusyaw chapter 24 . 7/5/2008
thanks for the concern kanilla...a good dose of limey anna-luscious one shot will do me a lot of good ya know...a LOT of good *sparkly eyes*drools*

oh come on, don't tell me you're killing asmodeus then so he can turn into a human so he can be with lilith? you're less predictable than that *pouts*sniffs then bawls* don't kill asmy! Wah! huhuhuhuhu!
the limit from 0 to 1 chapter 24 . 7/4/2008
No! Why? Asmodeus! Don't start killing off your characters, I implore.

A very well written chapter, and I'm begging for more.

The suspense you've been building for the last several chapters is killing me!

I'd be very interested in a one shot. It might help me get though the wait for the upcoming chapters.

Write well and never stop.
Bonny Abomination chapter 24 . 7/4/2008
Lucious and Ana swould be intresting to see and DAMNIT DON'T KILL ASMODEUS!
Mayu-San-Sakura chapter 24 . 7/4/2008
Update soon.
383 | « Prev Page 1 .. 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 21 .. Last Next »