|Reviews for Die Romantic|
| radioactive stanica chapter 1 . 2/27/2007
I really love this!
| Sekhmet Johnson chapter 1 . 11/26/2006
'I remember kneeling next to her. I remember touching her hair. I remember the twitches skittering through my face like spiders on my skin.
I remember letting out a howl.
They took her to the hospital. They took me, too, crying and shouting that they had to take me too because Laura was going to die and that I loved her didn’t she know it? Didn’t she know it?
That's a long quote. -cough-
But everything was spot on. Incredible realism in the narration.
All the characterization was spot on.. Laura especially was frighteningly realistic.
But these parts, here:
'When I saw what she held, I leapt to my feet.
“I’m sorry, Jack,” ...“I can’t stay here anymore.”
..seem a little contrived to me. But that's all the criticism I have.
You have a remarkable talent for making scary things vivid.
But, really, kudos. Write on!
| loves him chapter 1 . 11/10/2006
You aimed at something realistic and you got it. I liked the way you described Laura's demeanor, with her eyes flickering everywhere and whatnot. It made it seem as if though she really had gone through traumatic times. The only part that kind of felt off was when Larua actually committed suicide. It seemed sudden and it might've been better if she had done it the next day, when Jack wasn't there. Dunno, just a random thought of mine. But still, great job here.
| Orual chapter 1 . 11/7/2006
This was an excellent story. Dark, yes, nihilistic, yes, but I know what Laura means and feels when she says the world is a mess. And your description of the dream that's just not quite right made me shudder a bit. I've had those kinds of dreams, and I think they're worst then nightmares. You said you wanted to make this story realistic, and I think you definitely succeeded.
My only criticism is that I think Laura committed suicide too quickly. It just didn't seem quite right for her to try it with Jack there, and I found it a little strange that she had a knife. Certainly, she could have stolen it, but if she just got back from the sanatorium her parents would probably watch her more closely than that. Just my opinion. Also, in the paragraph that starts "Jack, hey," you have "than" when it should be "then." I allow myself a few nitpicks every story )
Excellent job overall, though. This is one of the best short stories I've ever read, FictionPress or otherwise.