Oh my God!I laughed so much while reading the scaring Lenny part.I havn't laughed this much over any other story.(and I swear I almost peed..he he)Looking forward to your other stories.

"That was quite a scene Lenny pulled off earlier today," (Jared) commented on the way to the car.

I thought her brothers name was James...

XxCrossMyHeartxX

awesoem loved it made meeh LOL litterally ahah

Aww, this story is so cute...And of course, I just had to look up the song Jesse dedicated to her in the chapter before. It's cute. :D

I was kind of hoping Jake would find a man too, but hey, it was still really good :D.

~Kris123123123

so cute!

and i love it simply for quoting we didnt start the fire

great job!

addin to favs!

I'm a very constructive criticizer. And yet, I can find nothing in this chapter to critique. All the characters are likable, believable, and overall Anna did a great job inadvertently introducing the main cast. Great work! Some of her thoughts even made me giggle. I'm looking forward to more.

I'll be reading. Take care :)

A slightly vague ending. I really think you need an epilogue... But yay for the love bug. Poor Teddy...he was too much of a guy to fear being raped, no? YAY FOR JESSE AND ANNA! Did I already tell you I think Jesse's a hot name?

UPDATE SOON!

I'm do glad I read it this morning, but now I have to rush to get dressed Oh well!

Love it!

-Linny

aww! i don't want it to be over! i deffinately want the epilogue... if i don't get one i'll make a pretty cute sweet one up in my head.

plz put up an epilouge! :] i would love you FOREVER! like always im siked you updated. and im hella gonna read other stories you've written cause you are by far one of my favorite writers :D YOU ROCK! in case you didnt know that already :]

your loyal reader,

justdance

"Annd, the world"

one too many 'n' there

"I guess we'll see where it goes.

Now that Lenny and I have stopped fighting"

There is a line between the two lines in the story, changing the scene. I personally find that unnecessary, as it might just as well be a continuation.

"quite interesting. I just couldn't get interested in anything"

interesting, interested. Unnecessary repetition, please use a synonym.

""What was what," I mumbled out."

Question deserves question mark (right?)

"I made some *mortified*, inaudible *groan*" and a few lines later "I *groaned* again at the reminder. I was so *mortified*;"

Unnecessary repetition of words as well as using the two in the same sentence.

And the raised eyebrows invade yet again.

"I, however, replied with an awesome, "Jesse…" If only it came out normally, and not resembling the squeak a mouse makes (before it is exterminated)"

*chuckles* Oh man this one was hilarious! ;

"…why am I blushing? Stop it cheeks! Obey me!"

Oh, and another favorite! :3

"their pace never-the-less."

It's *nevertheless*

While I like the pacing of the friendship between Anna and Lenny, I think you are rushing Jesse's abnormal interest in Anna. It feels unnatural for him to profess that he cares (which might as well be him declaring he likes her. What? It's high school. Things like that doesn't happen that easily :/)

So yeah, I disliked that part here. I hope it won't rush so much later on (I mean, she has only been hostile so far. There isn't much to like about that so I see no reasonable explanation as to how he would genuinely have an interest in her).

Nice way of showing how the two became friends again though (talking about Anna and Lenny this time :P) I liked it Especially the way she was going on with her knife.

Keep it up!

- Frac

"I looked up at him and raised an eyebrow,"

No she didn't! She cant raise eyebrows! She said so herself ;_;

" or sad and someone asks that I just burst into tears"

comma after "that"

And wow, I am surprised by the relationship of Anna and Lenny. It really reminds me a friendship I too have. So many parallels :O so yeah, this is a very realistic portrayal to me (and darnit I have to check out that song. *memorizes* Unsatisfied by Nine Black Alps..)

The darker touch didn't bug me at all, it's only nice to get insight on these matters (and nice to clarify how flawed she was. It all seemed a tad too happy prior this).

I have noticed that you often start your sentences without nouns (Lenny/I/it/he/etc) and that is a bad move. You should try to vary it, as to not be repetitive. It's nothing too bad so far, but it's just a fair warning.

Good chapter, keep it up!

- Frac (also btw, I am glad she is not going all "gooey gooey, lovey dovey" on Jesse yet. It'd seem out of character)

"Yes, it's emo day"

Either, "Yes, it's *an* emo day", or "Yes, it's Emo Day"

You use the word "organize(d)" a lot in the beginning. Try to use a synonym. Repetition isn't good for ya.

Anyhow, a whole lot less errors for this chapter, and a dramatic decrease of raised eyebrows (only spotted once, I think! *thumbs up*)

Story is still nice, and some lines are just pure gold. Her personal problem with guys is interesting, and I wonder how it will develop.

Keep it up!

""Take a wild guess, then divide by half.""

*chuckles* I like that line :P

"not come out. For a while."

This is merely a personal preference, so ignore me all you want, but I feel the second sentence sounds a tad awkward. I'd try adding ", at least" after it.

And wow, a boy crazy math wizard? :O Never met any of those in my life

There is so much character in this piece. I like it. Witty, easy to follow, and seemingly regular and boring things takes place yet it is kept interesting. Definitely a good job on that!

"I could almost feel my eyebrow twitching in annoyance."

Well, why shouldn't she feel it? I feel if something twitches, yet you make the statement as it was weird for her to feel it.

"I raised an eyebrow."

But she just made a small rant about how she couldn't raise an eyebrow (since the "nasty little buggars" didn't listen to her)

"I took this as a challenge and raised my eyebrow"

Wait, what? Again?

Btw, people are raising their eyebrows FAR too much. Cut it down a tad. Think of other facial expressions.

"of black-mail"

it's "blackmail"

"by him. how cool"

the 'h' should be capitalized

""Eh heh heh heh," I laughed nervously"

This is basically a repetition. You have her do something, then you say she is doing it. But that is not my problem here, it's te fact that you wrote out a sound. Yeah. I don't really like those as they make it seem a bit on the amateur side. Rather just skip it all until "I laughed nervously".

"He just grinned slyly in response, raising an eyebrow."

OMG why is *everyone* raising an eyebrow? . This is getting out of hand *pushes the red-alert button* I hereby sentence you to no-eyebrow prison, located in Maine! Bwahahaha!

...*whistles innocently and walks away*

"I was freaking out inside"

here you have "freaking" in italics, which makes it awkward as it belongs to the phrase "freaking out". So I suggest putting italics on them both.

"I bid you adeau."

it's adieu :P

Anyhow, it IS a good chapter. I am not one for teenage highschool romance drama thingies, but I like the tone of this one. It's entertaining. Especially at the start (it deteriorated a bit at the entrance of Andy, was it?).

And hopefully you won't cry O.O *pokes* You alright, right?

Anyhow, kudos on your quirky characters. I adore quirky. Just don't make everyone raise an eyebrow whenever wherever, ok?

Also, there is really no need to list all the attributes of a character (appearance, I mean). Just pick out something that you think would stand out for your character to focus on, rather than being basic and getting on the whole list.

- Frac

AW! UPDATE!