Reviews for Asylum Walls
Origami-hime chapter 4 . 10/7/2010
Too bad you haven't posted any more of this... I find it a rather interesting concept. Kinda reminds me of the video game "Fragile Dreams," like when you see creepy stuff written all smeared on the walls or find the memory items that relay the last thoughts of their owners in bits and pieces. I still would like to see more of this. The last line is creepy yet enticing!
Tsukiyo chapter 4 . 10/22/2009
Quite an interesting story you have going here. Will there be other chapters? If so, please update soon! -
xenolith chapter 1 . 6/28/2009
ugh, spooky. I like the wall of text, makes the story stand out, makes it even more interesting...

I'm wondering about the 'moonlight' repitition. To me it gets a little annoying, but that's just my opinion. Maybe you could have varied it with just 'light'?

I liked the end though. Just awesome.
Counting Petals chapter 2 . 4/12/2009
The first few sentences of the first paragraph, all the ones with "here" in it, were a little repetitive. Just something to be aware of.

Other than that, though, I don't really have anything to comment on. The emotion in this was very tangible, the most powerful part of it. The prose itself was wonderful, sort of poetic.

Keep up the good work!
Sir Pebbles chapter 4 . 2/12/2009
Okay, I don't think my review just then worked. :S But, I'll go ahead and send this: who cares if I look like the idiot who said the same thing twice? XD Anyway, here's what I was going to say in my review (but only the first two lines showed up ... unless it's just my computer. *shrug* Oh well! Hehe):

'Oh, Telescope, look further!'

I LOVE that line!
Sir Pebbles chapter 4 . 2/12/2009
‘Oh, Telescope, look further!’

I LOVE that line!
Counting Petals chapter 1 . 12/12/2008
So, it's been awhile. But better late than never, I guess.

I like the concept here, and I thought your descriptions of everything were done very well. It read a little choppy, though, so you might want to try switching up your sentence structure a little more. The big block paragraph also was a little hard to get through. Other than that, though, good.
StoneSeraphim chapter 4 . 11/28/2008
WALLS OF TEXT.

The content is great, but you really need to break it up a little. Walls of text look bad, are difficult to follow, and frankly are pretty offputting.

That said, I like the content. It's interesting, at the very least, and your style is really poetic.
lymli chapter 4 . 11/25/2008
Shining celestial bodies, they make me so happy. I may be trapped inside this room, constantly haunted by such pillars of papers, books, text, documents, but I am drawn, drawn to the sky. It’s beauty, oh, it’s beauty. Telescope is my eyes.

I loved that part, it felt kinda hopeful even if he was a prisoner of those walls.
Unique1952 chapter 4 . 10/29/2008
This character's thought process was very interesting to read, nice work with it.

"Sick, pathetic humans..."

That line alone shows promise for the next chapter. Again, nice work, I look forward to reading more.
Unique1952 chapter 3 . 10/29/2008
Very interesting. I like the dialouge, especially when the speaker began to tallk about spinning - it was very poetic. Nice work with this chapter, I look forward to reading the next.
Unique1952 chapter 2 . 10/15/2008
Another good chapter. Again, I like the concept of this story and I lookforward to seeing where else you take the story. This chapter was somewhat sad, yet still written very well. Nice work, I enjoyed reading.
Unique1952 chapter 1 . 10/6/2008
Very interesting beginning. I'm not use to reading stories from you so I look forward to seeing what you do with this piece.

I like your concept, it's one I've not considered and it looks as though you have a lot in mind for the story.

Nice work thus far, I look forward to reading more.
Poena Sensus chapter 3 . 7/16/2008
please write more this is really good so far, i liked this story the prose seemed poetic in nature, and i love poetic prose!

SO FAR so good

i just can not wait for the next chapter

this whole thing looks good, it is visual and i can see everything you write

"Amazing, Simply Amazing" discribes your story thus far
Poena Sensus chapter 2 . 7/16/2008
I have not been on fiction press for a while, I am in the middle of making a short film and I have been doing nothing but that, soon enough I will submit the script and have people review but for now I want to review your story.

-this is great; I like how you changed your style of writing to show the soldier’s side, it was a very effective strategy. I can not wait to see where this is going.
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