|Reviews for New York City|
| Matthew James Current chapter 1 . 11/4/2007
I am glad I stumbled across your work Laika. You have such interesting things to say and you say them very well. It's like reading the self-narrative of someone's life. I personally deal with more abstract issues in my work, but I can't help but enjoy the comfortable honesty with which you speak in this poem. It's arguably more prose but God knows I'm guilty of that so even mentioning such a thing is more of an observation than a critique. Anyways, very nice work here.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 1/3/2007
interesting.. the stream of conciousness about living in the city it awesome.. and i love the ending.. very unexpected.. great great piece
| no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 11/10/2006
Man, there is some angst going on in this poem, especially at the end. That's good, though. I love all the little details you put in here. Mentioning Taco Bell, well, TB has a soft spot in my heart. I have a lot of inside jokes and good memories with TB, so that makes me like this a lot. My favorite part of the poem is "learn to paint naked men in pale florescent lighting." (Even though I'm pretty sure that's not how "florescent" is spelled. I think there's a u in there somewhere. Anyway.) That is such a great image. In the first stanza, you have a misplaced modifier (oh no! it's your English teacher! Ah!) - "begging for change" should be moved to before "in garbage bags," otherwise it looks like the garbage bags are begging for change, which is a completely different story. Also, in the last stanza, "like sardines" is kinda cliche. When you hear of people being packed together, the first thing you'll think of is sardines, so try stepping outside the box with something like packing peanuts or something random like that. It'll throw people off and they'll be like, hey, nice metaphor. Anyway, nice work. I'll be putting you on my alerts. (And probably won't be leaving novel-length reviews every time I do review something.) Keep writing! :)